To think 'time to spoil mum on Mothers' Day' emails are insensitive

[0pheliaBalls]

Just that really. Every year my inbox fills up with them. I lost my mum twelve years ago and Mothers' Day itself can be difficult, let alone the run-up. Seeing cards and things in shops is hard too, but the constant barrage of emails feels somehow worse. Same with Fathers' Day - my dad died thirteen years ago. It must also very difficult for people who are estranged from their parents.

I know companies have to sell stuff but surely they could be a bit more sensitive about it?

[GuiltyPleasure]

For me this year is a triple.. Mum's birthday, 2nd anniversary of her death (yes she died on her birthday) & Good Friday all fall on the same day (Easter was always a time we were together). I've been buying cards for Mother's Day for my children to give to their other grandma & it does make me sad that I'm not buying them for my own lovely mum, but I don't think it's insensitive for the day to be advertised for everyone else. It is hard though OP and I feel for you

[OhGodWhatTheHellNow]

I do see your point OP, I lost my mum before I had my own dcs, however now it's turned around as it is the only 'day' that doesn't fall into wifework so dh actually has to do something for once.

Our school steers around these days as well, as there are several fosterchildren (very small school, less than 40 pupils). Everybody seems to understand.

[ForalltheSaints]

I avoid Father's Day displays as my dad died four years ago. I can understand why Mother's Day can trigger bad feelings for those who have lost their mother.

[goodnightdarthvader1]

Scribbler, people opt in to receive our newsletters, how exactly is that spam? But thanks for your valuable contribution to the discussion.

[hilbil21]

My mum died in November and this will be my first Mother's Day without her. I don't mind the emails it's part of life. X

[MidniteScribbler]

It's just that, while stuff like that is easy for Hotel Chocolat, for the small business I work for it's not so quick, easy, or cheap to implement

Or you could just stop sending any spam at all.

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

Really tickety ? You must have missed the similar comments from others such as Yabu. Its the natural order that our parents die before us

I've never understood Mothers day, either as a daughter or a mother. It frankly makes no difference about how I feel about the loss of my mother.

[0pheliaBalls]

DarthVadar as I said, I wasn't offended. I don't really 'do' offended. Offence aside though, it'd probably be in many companies' interests to have the option to opt out of emails relating to certain events - surely customers would prefer only getting emails that are relevant to them, for whatever reasons?

Ticketty I love the candle idea, I might do the same

[TickettyBoo]

And sorry, but losing your parents is part of the natural order.

I can't believe someone said this. Cold.

I don't think there's a solution as commercially it's a big time for companies to make money, just delete and take a deep breath - or find a way to celebrate these days in your own way so you don't feel it's all a bit not applicable. I light a candle or buy flowers on Father's Day to mark the day and remember happy times.

[goodnightdarthvader1]

when signing up to mailing lists etc giving you the option to opt out of emails regarding certain events.

I understand that, OP, and I'm sorry if I sounded harsh. It's just that, while stuff like that is easy for Hotel Chocolat, for the small business I work for it's not so quick, easy, or cheap to implement. And where does it end? How far down do we have to drill to avoid offence?

[LagunaBubbles]

I wasn't the first person who mentioned that so not sure why you are picking on me. As others have said no-one will go through life without a bereavement

Im not "picking" on anyone, I replied as your comment sounded so cold and unfeeling. And if you had read the rest of mine you would see I agree with you about the second sentence.

[0pheliaBalls]

Thanks for your replies everyone. I guess I was BU - I was having a rough day yesterday and getting a bit overemotional I think. To the PP who said I 'wanted something done' about it, I didn't say that and as i said I don't mean for a second that companies should stop advertising. I do think they could be more sensitive, though - for example, when signing up to mailing lists etc giving you the option to opt out of emails regarding certain events. I'm very careful with my email address so only usually get emails from companies I've signed up to, so it would be good if I had the option to change my preferences. I'm not 'offended' by stuff like this - I can't stand people who claim offence at the drop of a hat - it makes me sad, that's all

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

Perhaps they do poppies I don't recall anyone on here mentioning it when mothers day gets mentioned Seems the marketing crap of mothers day is fine until one individual starts taking it personally.

[SanityAssassin]

If it bothers you that much set your spam filters higher. None of the crap marketing is directed at you personally and really if you are that affected by it you should.
Seriously yes it's horrid to lose a parent - my mum died just over a year ago and my dad is in a home never to come out so I have experienced it to - it isn't pleasant but life does go on and others get to enjoy what they still have.

[maybebabybee]

Yes, I do lass.

[poppiesanddaisies]

I'm sure they do, yes.

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

And sorry, but losing your parents is part of the natural order

Oh for goodness sake Lass how on earth is that meant to be helpful, what a cold reply

I wasn't the first person who mentioned that so not sure why you are picking on me.

As others have said no-one will go through life without a bereavement.

Does anyone bother to think how bloody awful all the fuss about Mothers' and Fathers' day must be year after year for children in care?

[DamsonInDistress]

I lost my mum at 18 and my dad at 22. It's been over twenty years and I have a family of my own now. I can't get worked up over a couple of spammy marketing emails tbh. Time really does help.

[ratspeaker]

Some firms like Hotel Chocolat let you select email notifications so you can uncheck Mothers Day and Fathers day.
The rest I unscribe from if they send me Mothers Day stuff.
Makes my inbox so much lighter.

I also use a seperate email address for firms that want an address and the likes of ebay. Amazon, etc etc so I know thats where advertising emails get sent.
Friends and family emails go to another account so I don't get upset by Mothers Day stuff is checking for gossip from my sister.

[iPost]

As a PP said, we cannot run the world on the basis that we might upset somebody, or "trigger" them. Nowadays everyone expects that it is their basic human right NOT be offended by anything. Since everyone has different triggers and levels of sensitivity, this is impossible to measure and implement. It's ridiculous to suggest the world should bend for someone and their personal circumstances - we're raising a generation of whiny self-entitled teenagers who think everything should be easy, nothing should ever upset them, and they should get a medal just for showing up. It's exhausting.

Yeah, ermm.. as the PP of the first bit... I'd just like to underline that it was about feasability. And the reality that many of us underestimate other people's pain, until we come to feel it ourselves, and "get it". And many of us don't see the hacking great big emotional elephant traps that seemingly "normal" stuff can be for others... until we have reason to notice we ourselves have just been kiboshed by one, in a new phase of our lives. So an awful lot of stuff we never even thought about in our own pain bubble, would have to go if we tried to cater for all flavours of pain.

I'm 48. I am one of the older generation. I wasn't raised to be a whiny, self entitled teenager. And I still understand the OP's feelings. It reads a bit like a howl in the wind.

I might not have got it 10 days ago. But I do now I feel like all my skin has been removed and my nerve endings are screaming in the slightest breeze. It's fecking horrible becoming one of the "peeled people". I have a sinking sensation that regrowing your skin can be harder and takes longer than I want to hear. Being peeled and reframed as an over sensitive and teenagery whiner is probably not a good combo in the name of healing.

I know it might be frustrating for people who don't feel the same way, even when they share the same circumstances, but would it be possible to rein in the forthrightness a tad. I'm as up for debate as the next person. The OP is evidently posting from a very painful place, and I'm sure the last thing anybody would want is to make her feel even worse than she did when she first hit the post button.

[MLGs]

I feel that mothers' day has turned into a competition as to who has the most loving and attentive husband and nothing to do with mothering.

[starry0ne]

I have an abusive mother alive and a Dad that is dead... I don't begrudge anyone to celebrate these circumstance..

I am sorry for your loss and the natural order of things comments are quite irrelevant for most next to the pain of losing a child losing a parent is one of the most painful losses..

I guess for me it is how you chose to use the day..You can still remember the good times , celebrate the time you had with her...

I saw a post on FB about people can't complain about not having a partner on Valentines when some people don't have a mum on mothers day etc... We need to look at what we have got and stop judging everyone else for what they have or haven't got.

[goodnightdarthvader1]

Do people really think saying losing one's parents is the "natural order" is supposed to be in any way helpful?!

If the OP was just complaining about how hurtful it is to receive these emails, I'd agree. But the OP wants "something done about it". How on earth is that possible? Practically speaking, how does it work? I work for a small business that does e-mailshots. Are we supposed to divide our e-mailshots into a list of 30+ categories and ask people who sign up to opt-in only to the subjects that won't upset them? Getting people to sign up quickly is paramount, or they lose interest. If we're expecting our customers to tick through a list of 20-30 categories, there's no way they'd bother. So is the solution to ban advertising completely?

As a PP said, we cannot run the world on the basis that we might upset somebody, or "trigger" them. Nowadays everyone expects that it is their basic human right NOT be offended by anything. Since everyone has different triggers and levels of sensitivity, this is impossible to measure and implement. It's ridiculous to suggest the world should bend for someone and their personal circumstances - we're raising a generation of whiny self-entitled teenagers who think everything should be easy, nothing should ever upset them, and they should get a medal just for showing up. It's exhausting.

[poppiesanddaisies]

A bit unfair Soup

it wasn't about competitive misery but about how something can personally relate which I think was pretty clear from the paragraph underneath the one you quoted.

I haven't dismissed anything either, but am not here for a row.

Take care all.

[LagunaBubbles]

And sorry, but losing your parents is part of the natural order

Oh for goodness sake Lass how on earth is that meant to be helpful, what a cold reply.

There are ways of saying things and OP YABU as unfortunately life would be impossible if everything had to be taken into account - where would it all stop? And yes I lost my Mum a few ago and get upset at Mothers Day adverts, pictures etc but thats my issues and my grief - not other peoples who still have their Mums etc. Same when soap story lines get criticised.