To think 'time to spoil mum on Mothers' Day' emails are insensitive

[0pheliaBalls]

Just that really. Every year my inbox fills up with them. I lost my mum twelve years ago and Mothers' Day itself can be difficult, let alone the run-up. Seeing cards and things in shops is hard too, but the constant barrage of emails feels somehow worse. Same with Fathers' Day - my dad died thirteen years ago. It must also very difficult for people who are estranged from their parents.

I know companies have to sell stuff but surely they could be a bit more sensitive about it?

[giraffesCantReachTheirToes]

Nice happy family adverts at Christmas upset people who have lost children

[Katenka]

But where does it stop. Stop letting shops advertise Mother's Day, so you aren't offended walking down the street?

Stop all adverts on tv?

What about people who find other events upsetting.

It's devestating to lose a parent. But the world can not avoid events incase people are offended.

[rainbowstardrops]

It is upsetting op but there's not much anyone can do about it.

I still get upset seeing Mother's Day cards in the shops and my mum died nearly eleven years ago.

I liked earlier on in the thread where someone said to be happy for the people that can still celebrate. That puts a positive spin on it!

Getting fed up however, of people saying 'it's the natural order'. Oh that makes it much more bearable then. Not.

[Katedotness1963]

For 14 years I found Mother's Day hard because of my infertility. Then the year I got pregnant I lost my mum. My first Mothers' Day as a mum was also my first one without my mother. Do we ever really get over losing our mums? It's not just Mothers Day, but her birthday, my birthday, Christmas... Life goes on and I can't resent others their joy. Unsubscribe from the companies sending you the emails.

[DrSeuss]

I have lost both parents and just ignore these ads.

Anyway, my kids have already spoiled me. My pelvic floor is wrecked and my boobs have had it!

[poppiesanddaisies]

Some unsympathetic replies here

Yes, part of life's natural cycle but some of us experience life's natural cycle very young indeed.

To me it's simply removing the pronoun. I don't mind 'we have lovely gifts for Mother's Day' but I don't like 'your mum will love these gifts.' They can be upsetting, no matter how natural it is.

[hazellnut56]

I feel for the OP in the loss of her mother however totally agree that even advertising that isn't rammed down your throat for certain events can be hurtful, for example when trying 3 years for a baby (I know that people have had worse hardships) that follow on milk advert "and trust me you're doing great" to mothers really hit a nerve cos I didn't have that. Unfortunately everyone has different circumstances and will feel pain. We can't ban advertising or said events, maybe people who feel sad from these things need extra support from friends/family or even counselling if it's effecting their well being

[gabsdot45]

Personally I think we should celebrate women's day , march 8th, instead of mothers day. Not all women are mothers, or have their mothers with them, or like their mothers. I spent several mothers days hiding under my duvet before my children finally came along. It was very depressing.b
We were in Russia 6 years ago on women's day and its lovely. It's a public holiday and all women and girls are given flowers and spoiled for the day.
I'm sorry for your loss OP.

[SoupDragon]

I don't think the would can run on the basis of not accidentally upsetting people

This.

[iPost]

Soup

Well.. This with all the typos

Re "natural order". I think while true, depdending on the context it can come across as insensitive. Although my "what is sensitive/insensitive" barometer may be currently not working



Bloody everybody, no matter what they say/don't say, do/don't do, are getting it wrong around me. So I can only conclude that actual problem is me, not them.

OP if you are still reading, n'other This is just plonked here as something to maybe consider, if it floats your boat. I'm trying "writing as therapy" on the basis that it cheap and acessable when I need it rather than when anybody is free. I'm finding it really hard work, taking a lump of indescribable feeling, pinning it down on paper and then getting pissed off with it for having been in my head in the first place. But on one level I think getting it out of my head and further away from me by putting it on paper might be helping. Maybe.

[iPost]

without all the typos I mean

[Trills]

More so than all the bloody Valentine's Day emails last week?

[poppiesanddaisies]

Comparing Valentine's Day to Mother's Day (or Father's Day) is a bit apples and oranges though, isn't it?

It's true that some people will have gone through a traumatic breakup or been widowed, and be upset by it I am sure, but it's not the same. After all, someone might be unreasonable to be upset by 'treat your loved one this valentines day' and go 'pah!' and delete it.

However if your husband was called Steve and had died and you got an email saying 'Steve would love these products!' I'm sure we would say it was understandable someone might be upset in those circumstances.

The use of 'your mum; your dad' can be a bit upsetting especially if they catch you unaware! Both my parents died fairly close to mothers and Father's Day as well; my mum died in April and my dad died in May. Enough time has passed it doesn't bother me much any more but it did once with Mother's Day, not so much for my dad. (Not because I loved him any less just that I was really little when I lost my mum so I think I was grieving the fact I didn't really know her or get an opportunity to celebrate the day with her, if that makes sense!)

I think what op is saying is it can feel a bit intrusive and yes in the cold light of day you consider that companies can't account for all circumstances but sometimes weird things can upset you.

My dad once signed up with something using my email address because he couldn't remember his own and so I get emails addressed to him. I quite like it in a funny way but some days they can still make me cry a little bit. It's nice crying though (if that isn't too much of an oxymoron!)

[Summerblaze100]

I completely get how awful it must be for you OP. It was Mothers Day the day after my m/c. I cried at the adverts/emails. But the world can't stop doing things if it upsets people as you would have to stop it all.

No Mother's Day/Father's Day for those who have lost parents, no Valentine's Day for those who are widowed, no adverts about anything to do with babies for those who are struggling to conceive, nothing about moving home for those who have just had their house repossessed. The list goes on. Just unsubscribe from the emails.

[SoupDragon]

It's true that some people will have gone through a traumatic breakup or been widowed, and be upset by it I am sure, but it's not the same. After all, someone might be unreasonable to be upset by 'treat your loved one this valentines day' and go 'pah!' and delete it.

Ah, competitive upset. Someone could equally just go "pah" and delete any other "upsetting" email.

The use of 'your mum; your dad' can be a bit upsetting especially if they catch you unaware!

Can't you see the contradiction between this and your dismissal of "your loved one"?

Anyway, the point is you can't avoid stuff on the off chance it might upset someone. You would never be able to say anything at all!

[LagunaBubbles]

And sorry, but losing your parents is part of the natural order

Oh for goodness sake Lass how on earth is that meant to be helpful, what a cold reply.

There are ways of saying things and OP YABU as unfortunately life would be impossible if everything had to be taken into account - where would it all stop? And yes I lost my Mum a few ago and get upset at Mothers Day adverts, pictures etc but thats my issues and my grief - not other peoples who still have their Mums etc. Same when soap story lines get criticised.

[poppiesanddaisies]

A bit unfair Soup

it wasn't about competitive misery but about how something can personally relate which I think was pretty clear from the paragraph underneath the one you quoted.

I haven't dismissed anything either, but am not here for a row.

Take care all.

[goodnightdarthvader1]

Do people really think saying losing one's parents is the "natural order" is supposed to be in any way helpful?!

If the OP was just complaining about how hurtful it is to receive these emails, I'd agree. But the OP wants "something done about it". How on earth is that possible? Practically speaking, how does it work? I work for a small business that does e-mailshots. Are we supposed to divide our e-mailshots into a list of 30+ categories and ask people who sign up to opt-in only to the subjects that won't upset them? Getting people to sign up quickly is paramount, or they lose interest. If we're expecting our customers to tick through a list of 20-30 categories, there's no way they'd bother. So is the solution to ban advertising completely?

As a PP said, we cannot run the world on the basis that we might upset somebody, or "trigger" them. Nowadays everyone expects that it is their basic human right NOT be offended by anything. Since everyone has different triggers and levels of sensitivity, this is impossible to measure and implement. It's ridiculous to suggest the world should bend for someone and their personal circumstances - we're raising a generation of whiny self-entitled teenagers who think everything should be easy, nothing should ever upset them, and they should get a medal just for showing up. It's exhausting.

[starry0ne]

I have an abusive mother alive and a Dad that is dead... I don't begrudge anyone to celebrate these circumstance..

I am sorry for your loss and the natural order of things comments are quite irrelevant for most next to the pain of losing a child losing a parent is one of the most painful losses..

I guess for me it is how you chose to use the day..You can still remember the good times , celebrate the time you had with her...

I saw a post on FB about people can't complain about not having a partner on Valentines when some people don't have a mum on mothers day etc... We need to look at what we have got and stop judging everyone else for what they have or haven't got.

[MLGs]

I feel that mothers' day has turned into a competition as to who has the most loving and attentive husband and nothing to do with mothering.

[iPost]

As a PP said, we cannot run the world on the basis that we might upset somebody, or "trigger" them. Nowadays everyone expects that it is their basic human right NOT be offended by anything. Since everyone has different triggers and levels of sensitivity, this is impossible to measure and implement. It's ridiculous to suggest the world should bend for someone and their personal circumstances - we're raising a generation of whiny self-entitled teenagers who think everything should be easy, nothing should ever upset them, and they should get a medal just for showing up. It's exhausting.

Yeah, ermm.. as the PP of the first bit... I'd just like to underline that it was about feasability. And the reality that many of us underestimate other people's pain, until we come to feel it ourselves, and "get it". And many of us don't see the hacking great big emotional elephant traps that seemingly "normal" stuff can be for others... until we have reason to notice we ourselves have just been kiboshed by one, in a new phase of our lives. So an awful lot of stuff we never even thought about in our own pain bubble, would have to go if we tried to cater for all flavours of pain.

I'm 48. I am one of the older generation. I wasn't raised to be a whiny, self entitled teenager. And I still understand the OP's feelings. It reads a bit like a howl in the wind.

I might not have got it 10 days ago. But I do now I feel like all my skin has been removed and my nerve endings are screaming in the slightest breeze. It's fecking horrible becoming one of the "peeled people". I have a sinking sensation that regrowing your skin can be harder and takes longer than I want to hear. Being peeled and reframed as an over sensitive and teenagery whiner is probably not a good combo in the name of healing.

I know it might be frustrating for people who don't feel the same way, even when they share the same circumstances, but would it be possible to rein in the forthrightness a tad. I'm as up for debate as the next person. The OP is evidently posting from a very painful place, and I'm sure the last thing anybody would want is to make her feel even worse than she did when she first hit the post button.

[ratspeaker]

Some firms like Hotel Chocolat let you select email notifications so you can uncheck Mothers Day and Fathers day.
The rest I unscribe from if they send me Mothers Day stuff.
Makes my inbox so much lighter.

I also use a seperate email address for firms that want an address and the likes of ebay. Amazon, etc etc so I know thats where advertising emails get sent.
Friends and family emails go to another account so I don't get upset by Mothers Day stuff is checking for gossip from my sister.

[DamsonInDistress]

I lost my mum at 18 and my dad at 22. It's been over twenty years and I have a family of my own now. I can't get worked up over a couple of spammy marketing emails tbh. Time really does help.

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

And sorry, but losing your parents is part of the natural order

Oh for goodness sake Lass how on earth is that meant to be helpful, what a cold reply

I wasn't the first person who mentioned that so not sure why you are picking on me.

As others have said no-one will go through life without a bereavement.

Does anyone bother to think how bloody awful all the fuss about Mothers' and Fathers' day must be year after year for children in care?

[poppiesanddaisies]

I'm sure they do, yes.