To ask guests to contribute to my wedding?

[DontForgetTheLightAlesLawrence]

Please give your honest thoughts on what you would think to receiving this in a wedding invitation.

Along with saying yes or no to coming, and whether you have any special dietary requirements, it has a bit saying that all drinks on the day/evening will be free, with a small contribution request, on the return of the invitation. Childrend drinks are free so no contribution required: non alcohol drinking adults £5, alcohol drinking adults £10.

I think it's cringe sorry. We had a cash bar but provided welcome drinks and wine on the tables with the meal. Ive been to lots of weddings like this

No, don't do it, it's a cringemakingly tacky idea. Pay bar is the way to go.

Also, OP: In Ireland where free drinks could cost an unbelievable amount, free bars are quite unusual. What most weddings do is serve wine during the meal, and then a cash bar for the party. N

Cultural fact: In the US this is just as poor etiquette as your initial suggestion, because Americans tend not to drink as much - many communities don't drink at all, so a free bar wouldn't wipe you out, and therefore not paying for drinks is v. stingy.

Weddings are a minefield of daftness. Would you invite someone to dinner or a party and charge them a fiver for the wine? Weddings are no different. You have invited people as your guests and you are the hosts so it's rude to ask them to pay for the privilege. Perhaps you need to rethink your plans according to your budget.

Don't do it, it's rude. Also I reckon people who've paid 10 quid for their 'booze ticket' will drink way more than people who know someone else is paying, so it'll end up costing you more even with the entrance fees. Put a few bottles on the tables then have a pay bar.

Price of house wine varies massively between venue. We partly chose our venue on the reasonable cost of drinks and I reckon that was a good call. A venue that will charge just reasonable corkage and let you bring your own drinks would also be a good find.

It does depend on your venue, we bought our own booze (wine and real ale and some lagers) and then there was a bar for spirits, which you had to pay for.

have been coming up with all sorts of future scenarios - £5 to sit at the front of the church, £10 if you want to be served first at the buffet, inside toilet for a £1, asking all the guests at the future christening to set up a direct debit for the little love so she can go to uni in future

Ryanair Weddings.

I had no idea Ryanair did weddings.

X post Hands!

I'd put some money behind the bar but say when it's gone it's gone and people pay for their own

I've often wondered how that works - doesn't it invite comments like "mean sods, at Sue's wedding we were drinking free at midnight and it's only 8 o'clock here!!" "Not faaaaiiirrr, if Tom wasn't such a drunk we'd all have got more" and so on?

ABSOLUTELY hilarious and utterly disgraceful behaviour

Honestly? I would actually be happy to pay that for unlimited drinks. I do seem to be in the minority though!

I have only been to one wedding with a free bar and would view £10 as a bargain compared to how much one drink can cost.

Nope not classy. IMO it isn't the tenner, it's the fact you are sticking your hand out for the cash.

You are risking people feeling offended for such a small amount of money, I personally wouldn't risk it.

As a guest, I would never do a Fill meboots, drink as much as I like (at the B and Gs expense). That's really greedy!

Weddings should be about good value for money should they??

Misprunt
Weddings shouldn' be about good value for money should they??

I understand your thinking behind it, but people will do a face and talk about you behind your back

Also as someone who would only have one drink, I would begrudge funding other people's drinks.

I'm also really shocked people have a bucket on the bar?! Did you also send round a begging donations bowl after the meal?

Just have a pay bar/ first drink on you. I've seen 'drinks vouchers' before too which I think is quite nice.

No you can't do that.

Much better just to do a pay bar if you can't afford a free one than that. Or if it's at a village hall then I like the idea upthread of having a cash bar managed by a friend and then charge the drinks at cost price plus whatever you're paying the person.

People tend to forget how much it costs folks to attend weddings. So wedding gift, outfit, travel expenses there and back, potentially a hotel. It all adds up, I'd find it really grabby to be asked money up front for booze, but I don't mind a pay bar in fact I'm surprised when there is free alcohol other than with the meal and for the toast. (BTW even if you have a pay bar, you absolutely have to pay for the wine on the table and the toast).

The OP is long gone...

Maybe ask at the bar that drinks are paid for or ten pound for unlimited drinks

Ryanair weddings thinking of other things to charge for in life is now seriously distracting me from work (of which I have lots)

graveside seat - £10
rose on the coffin £5
throwing confetti - £2 or cleaning it up after if you wont pay
photo with the bride and signed picture of bride and bridegroom??

oh I really must stop this and get back to work.

OP is long gone. clearly so embarrassed.

bet she just does it anyway and posts on here in a few months about nasty comments at her wedding and how unreasonable everyone was.

am I the only one who read this thread and could hear her saying:

"hmmm this is the wedding I really want but I cant really afford it. ah I know I ll get the guests to chip in because after all I am the bridezilla and I have to have my own way"

Icanteven, where did you get the idea that Americans don't drink as much? That's simply false. I'm American. I've been to one "dry" wedding because the family was very religious, but every other American wedding I've been to had a full open bar all evening, plus usually they provide a shuttle from the reception venue to the closest hotel so people don't have to worry about driving. People get quite drunk, but in a fun way, not a fighting and puking kind of way.
I get that cash bars are acceptable here and I'm not trying to impose American cultural expectations. But your assertion was just wrong. We had a fairly small wedding because we were on a budget and we would not have considered a cash bar, and we wanted to provide very nice food and music for our guests. I did have to omit some peripheral people but all of the most important people came and it was lovely. If we couldn't have afforded to do it that way, we would have saved more or eloped.

I have not read the thread but I would do what I do with all wedding invites that ask for money: I ignore them! I've received them with bank account details that would make it 'easy on us' to make a deposit. We just recently got emailed a reception card for our church saying this couple were having their reception there (we don't even remotely know them) that stated that the festivities were free and gifts were not necessary but of course appreciated - wtf?!! I hit the delete button.

I have always been very generous with weddings with actual people I know. I've become much more parsimonious since the trend of people asking for any kind of gift in with their invite. I tend to do a reverse - just token gift - when we get those. I just feel it's the height of bad manners and I won't be a part of contributing to it.

Best wedding ever was in the US. My cousin had a big jewish ceremony and groom's parents were loaded. Free bar anything you wanted, and for my 15 year old self the most amazing thing in the world - a wine fountain. Twas a bit of a shame I was only 15 .

I've only heard of cash bars in the south in the States. I'm American and have been to Many weddings. It was never ever a cash bar, everything was free and flowing including my own wedding. As much as everyone wanted free, of course!