To ask guests to contribute to my wedding?

[DontForgetTheLightAlesLawrence]

Please give your honest thoughts on what you would think to receiving this in a wedding invitation.

Along with saying yes or no to coming, and whether you have any special dietary requirements, it has a bit saying that all drinks on the day/evening will be free, with a small contribution request, on the return of the invitation. Childrend drinks are free so no contribution required: non alcohol drinking adults £5, alcohol drinking adults £10.

I presumed Op wanted the money in advance as they were then going to use it to buy the booze for the evening, but I have possibly got that completely wrong.
Anyway, I wouldn't mind being asked to pay a tenner for drinks money in advance in this situation, I would cost a LOT more than that at regular hotel prices, a tenner could buy half a bottle of vodka, which would see me through the day!
But then I go to weddings of people I like and understand everyone's financial circumstances are different, I never mind being asked to buy drinks at weddings, expect it, and makes more sense to send the money in advance in order to fund it if op and her dp can't afford it.
Meh, it's only money.
I also like receiving requests for cash in a card as it's easy.
Plus, I enjoy hen weekends - shoot me now

How could you cover unlimited drinks for ten pounds per person if you say the other option is 6.50 for one drink if they pay per drink?

^ This.
So are you only going to allow two drinks per guest? Are you going to pay the remainder of the bar bill when the money runs out?

Some of your guests will take full advantage (after all, they've paid their drinks fee) and will get wasted, you could be left with a very large bar bill at the end of the night. Are you prepared for that? Or when the money runs out are you going to be walking around collecting more money?

Have you really thought about this?

People on here are bonkers about weddings. It's the one part of Mumsnet that seems to be really stuffy and old fashioned, obsessed by 'proper ettuquette'.

As a wedding guest, I can say I would be delighted to be offered the opportunity to pay £10 for unlimited alcoholic drinks.

I have NEVER been to a wedding with a free bar before, I've been to around 15 weddings over the last 10 years, ranging from cheap and cheerful to £25k+ spend, but none of them had a free evening bar (yes to reception drinks and wine but not all night).

£10 sounds very reasonable. If a friend did this I would be pleased. It really depends on how well you know all your guests. I would think it's something I would try to canvas opinion on in person beforehand, rather than including on the invite.

You can't buy the booze for the evening unless you pay corkage, presuming the op is at a licensed venue which I assume they are.

I agree with the posters that suggest a cash bar. No matter what good value what you suggest offers, I think many people will feel upset at being asked to contribute up front and the logistics of deciding who has paid for what (eg what if someone has paid for soft drinks only and decides to leave the car and have some wine) will be a nightmare.
Most weddings I've been to provide a free drink for the toasts and some wine/water on the table for a sit down meal then paid bar afterwards. Weddings which are a buffet style meal seem to be a free drink on entry/for toasts then paid bar throughout. If there is not a paid bar facility you can ask people to bring whatever they want to drink or you can hire a paid bar in (not sure how this works but I assume they take a share of the profits).

We went to a family wedding and it was £10 2 weeks in advance for adults. Having two student dds we paid £40 in advance for drinks and it made me feel uncomfortable. And I know we would have spent more in the paying bar but it was the feeling that we were part of a business transaction instead of a happy family occasion. I was fine by the time the day came round though and it was a lovely day!

Yabvvvu you cannot do that, it's embarrassing. Have a smaller wedding if money is tight.

Awkward.

If you can't afford to cover the free bar, why have a free bar?

If you want to contribute to the guest's drinks in some way then try one of these options:

1. Provide a couple of bottles of wine per table. Once they've drunk them, they can buy their own drinks = perfectly acceptable.

1. Put some money behind the bar and tell the barman that everyone's first drink is free, and after that they buy their own = perfectly acceptable.

Charging people a fee to attend a wedding - not acceptable and people WILL be offended.

It's very strange. Just get them to buy their own on the day. You don't charge people upfront to attend your wedding!

Just have a cash bar, the set up you are thinking of will get difficult very fast.
Nothing wrong with cash bars, completely normal here in Ireland.

My friend did this and I thought it was the rudest thing ever and I declined the invite. I wasn't the only one!

OP has gone. clearly embarrassed that there is no one agreeing with her. It has made me chuckle because I have been coming up with all sorts of future scenarios - £5 to sit at the front of the church, £10 if you want to be served first at the buffet, inside toilet for a £1, asking all the guests at the future christening to set up a direct debit for the little love so she can go to uni in future. I could go on.... certainly brightened my dull working day today has this thread.

Personally I think that's excellent value but I think you're going to get savaged here.

What's the background? Is it a venue where you can supply all the booze? My friend did this hired a converted barn in the lakes. It was excellent. She didn't charge for anything.

I think the PP saying that £5 for non alcoholic drinks is a lot sounds incredibly unrealistic. It costs loads for an orange juice or even a scummy soda stream coke at many weddings.

If people are there all afternoon / eve then they would spend way more than £10 on booze.

Perhaps explore honesty bar ideas. Or you can get hire people licenced to run a pay bar plus some wine in the table.

one of my husband's relatives asked people to take food/drink to a funeral wake. since then its always been known as 'that funeral we had to take the food and drink to'. you are the host, therefore surely you should provide? i confess i haven't read the whole thread. The conclusion ref husband's relative was that they were tight (they could afford to pay for the reception)

It's a disaster waiting to happen.

How will you get the money?
What if some don't pay?
What if people say they aren't going to drink then they want to?
What is the cost of the alcohol is much higher or much lower than the contributions?

Just supplement the bar. So free til 8pm or all drinks half bar tarriff price with you paying the shortfall.

Or just have a lay bar.

How would you police it? Would you have bouncers on the door ready to eject any relatives who haven't paid up?

The trouble is, people might want to drink "their money's worth" once they paid £10 and it might end up more expensive. Just serve (free) wine with the food and afterwards a pay bar if you must.

i don't get it
say you have 100 guests, 70 pay £10 and 30 pay £5, so you have £850

but then you will pay for ALL the drinks?

why would you do that? it could cost you thousands.

surely better to offer wine with the meal, champagne for toast and then a paying bar.

If the OP is genuinely asking, instead of running something by us that she has already done, then it's fine. Sometimes you don't have family members or friends with any sufficient concept of etiquette to ask things like this, so I think it's great that Mumsnet is here.

OP: Is this a good idea or a bad idea? I honestly don't know.
Mumsnet (in unusual complete unity of feeling): OMG no, don't ever do this. It would be terrible manners.
OP now knows.

To be honest OP if I received an invitation like that, I'd be a bit - I'd be thinking that if you have to ask your guests to pay, then your wedding is aspirational & you can't afford it.

Come to think of it, I've never been to a wedding where guests have to buy drinks - but then amongst my friends and family we generally host the wedding breakfasts in our houses, and don't need to hire venues. Or if we do, then the wine flows, and no guest is asked to pay.

Let's hope you have a brother who looks like this when you're attempting to flush out guests who have not paid their tenners

We had a cash bar but provided plenty of drinks earlier eg arrival drinks, wine with table and champagne toasts. Every wedding with a free bar I've been to has ended with ridiculous amounts of drunkeness. You end up ordering a drink, taking a sip and putting it down, then ordering a new one because you can't remember where the first one is!

Wouldn't bother me, I've never been to a wedding or any function where there's been a free bar and I'd be happy to pay £10 upfront or just buy my own. I don't mind giving cash for gifts either though.

Don't disappear op, ok so the majority think it's a bad idea. So it's likely your guests will too.