To ask guests to contribute to my wedding?

[DontForgetTheLightAlesLawrence]

Please give your honest thoughts on what you would think to receiving this in a wedding invitation.

Along with saying yes or no to coming, and whether you have any special dietary requirements, it has a bit saying that all drinks on the day/evening will be free, with a small contribution request, on the return of the invitation. Childrend drinks are free so no contribution required: non alcohol drinking adults £5, alcohol drinking adults £10.

All those feeloaders are talking rubbish. If people care about you, they'd be honoured to be invited and want to help. Instead of a gift you don't really want (most of which go into the attic for a 'respectable' period before going on ebay), I'd rather help make memorable experience you really do want and will last for my lifetime too.
How you ask is critical. You're not 'charging an entrance fee,' or 'suggesting a contribution at the door', you're inviting people to help create a unique celebration.
Go to crowd funding sites like gofundme.com, flendr.com, crowdfunder.co.uk and see how others do exactly what you're talking about (and the generous responses they get).
Congrats and good luck

OP is busy. She is asking for a mutual friend, who isn't a MNer. I'm assuming OP is out and about and didn't expect this to go quite as stratospheric as it has

Original friend has taken on board all suggestions/advice.

I'll let OP update though as this comment will probably get lost in the replies.

I'm loving Ryan Air weddings 😂

Stardust, that old chestnut always gets trotted out; unfortunately, it's utter bollocks.

People can love you without feeling 'honoured' to pay for the privilege of attending your wedding.

I hate this modern, grabby attitude that it's alright to ask people for money because 'they want you to be happy'. It is a childish excuse for rudeness.

In her defence, the bride to be wasn't trying to be grabby - the cost of an on-site, staffed bar would have meant guests paying the £6.50 quoted. She.was thinking that faced with that alternative, a £10 contribution would be better for her guests.

Not everyone can afford to pay for their guests drinks. I've been to very few weddings where the drinks are free.

crowd funding - here today, gone tomorrow.

seriously would you crowd fund a wedding?

'Honoured'!

Delighted, happy, pleased for friends who are marrying, yes of course.

But 'honoured' to be invited and be thankful/accept any kind of invite and wedding however bloody rude - no.

I'm not anti wedding at all, I love them. I love seeing my friends happily tying the knot. But this shite about it being 'your day, your way' - fine but half your guests will remember it for all the wrong reasons.

Don't get me started on crowd funding.

Brian every single poster has accepted that drinks are expensive and that the B&G need to watch the pennies - all guests understand that. Most are fine with paying bars. But asking for money for refreshments in the invitation..come on!

I think people are being unnecessarily mean to you here OP.

I think putting it in the invite would be a bad idea. But I also think that most people would prefer to pay £10 for drinks all night rather than a pay bar.

What I would do is send out a separate canvas email, setting out the options, £10 in advance for drinks, or a pay bar. Ask people to get back to you with what they'd prefer and say you'll go with the majority. People are going to want to pay a tenner so they'll come back and choose that, then you can follow it up with an email saying the choice, giving a PayPal or asking people to contribute to a box on the night. That way the guests have chosen rather than it being imposed. I imagine that most of your guests will be relieved a huge expense has been got rid of.

Don't worry too much about the responses on here. In my experience AIBU is universally mean to people who are getting married unless their post is something along the lines of 'AIBU to get married for 50p in a registry office wearing a rag with no guests, no flowers, no honeymoon, no reception and a celebratory glass of water and piece of toast for me and the groom?'

Even then they'd probably say the toast was needlessly extravagant and smacked of showing off.

UPDATE

In the absence of OP (how rude to have a life!! I'll be having words)....here's the bride to be's response, having read through your comments.

Following on from everyone's advice and comments (thank you all!) we are considering buying in bulk still, making no mention in the invites, then charging like £1 per drink (or whatever we work out covers the cost after paying) on the day. What do you think??

When I see those gofundme things I always think what soft headed sap would contribute to that?? Apparently they do though. I can't imagine.

I love you BillSykes 😂

Suppose toast with no butter, less extravagant?

Hi, based on the update that would be fine. But you absolutely cannot charge for the toasting wine or for bottles of wine on the tables.

Surely that is illegal as they eill be selling alcohol without a licence.

Well yes but her language and way of thinking is still wrong imo!

It's not 'charging guests a quid a drink'.

It's a wedding with a subsidised paying bar. But yes that's better. And no of course she shouldn't mention, just be a polite message/notice on the bar.

I'm confused.

brian are you a friend of the bride?

(And how is she reading the comments and forming a response if she's off out?)

If it's a licensed venue you cannot buy the drink and charge people for it, you have to pay the corkage fee.

I'd still rather just have pay bar where I get to choose my drink. Also what a faff having to pay £1 every time you want a drink.

still think putting an amount behind the bar and then having a pay bar once that's run out is better. A lot of people will stick to the wine anyway so make sure the glasses aren't being topped up unnecessarily (a waiter should always ask before refilling anyway) and have all open bottles from the table put at the bar

Common sense is making you question it. That tells you all you need to know.

I think we better all just leave it. Bride is determined to 'charge' guests one way or another, rather than throw a wedding with within her budget which would include a paying bar. It's subtle but the difference in thinking is huge.

Brian toast without butter is just about acceptable just as long as the bread is stale and has had a little bit of mold scrapped off the side. Just don't write a poem about it in your invitations. Not that you'll have any invitations. Nobody's invited.

Earlier today a friend poses the question on a face book group I'm in.

Group has various people in, some of whom are (largely unknown) MNers.

We gave advice and then suggested posing the same question here, as it's helpful sometimes to have bare-arsed responses from people you don't know.

Friend isn't a MNer and didn't want to join, so another member of FB group who is also a MNer (OP) posted on her behalf.

Because OP has stopped posting, I didn't want people thinking it was a post and run scenario because the bride to be is reading (via a link supplied to her) and genuinely taking it all on board.

She is particularly fond of "Ryan Air Wedding" 😂

You can't sell alcohol without a licence.

If a large wedding means that much to you then save longer or take up some casual work for extra money. Don't try to fund the party you want by putting the costs on the guests. The vows make the marriage, the rest is just a big party the bride wants.

The venue is a barn, they're doing it themselves. Will they still need a license to sell?

Ahh! Thanks for explaining brian

Yes it is illegal to sell it anywhere if you don't have a licence