To ask guests to contribute to my wedding?

[DontForgetTheLightAlesLawrence]

Please give your honest thoughts on what you would think to receiving this in a wedding invitation.

Along with saying yes or no to coming, and whether you have any special dietary requirements, it has a bit saying that all drinks on the day/evening will be free, with a small contribution request, on the return of the invitation. Childrend drinks are free so no contribution required: non alcohol drinking adults £5, alcohol drinking adults £10.

Katenka I'm assuming the OP wants to get the money in beforehand so that there doesn't need to be someone collecting the money in on the day.

But why does she want them to pay in advance at all rather than the other many options. Why does she want to sit on that money?

If she wanted contributions and it's optional, it doesn't matter when paid.

So I think either it's not optional in which case she is charging to attend her wedding or she needs the money before the wedding.

I maybe wrong but this set up doesn't make sense.

You are right it does sound like a minefield. Maybe she can get the ushers to give out coloured bands so the Bar staff know the non payer and people who have not paid for soft drinks etc

It's also completely impractical. Are you going to go around your own wedding with a tick list and your hand out for cash? How do you plan to make change, bring a cash float with you tucked into your garter? How will you handle the guest who forgot their wallet? Or Uncle Joe who bought you a £100 present and is staggered to be finned for a tenner?

Oh God, were you planning to make some poor bridesmaid or groomsman do the dirty work of collecting the cash? What a joy.

i bet theres one of those "we just want your prescence, not presents! but if you must heres our paypal account......." in the invite aswell

I can't understand how you say you have the choice of doing this or guests paying £6.50 for a g&t?

What is the wedding venue that allows you to either bring all your own booze OR offers full bar service? Don't venues tend to offer one (eg a village hall) or the other (eg a hotel bar)? I've not heard of a venue where both options are available (sounds good mind if that choice were available!).

So if by that logic you have picked a venue where you can bring your own (eg a village hall) then you cannot compare it to your guests having to pay £6.50 for a g&t otherwise can you?! Surely then it's a choice between you covering the cost of the booze yourselves or the guests doing this £10 thing.

I've been to lots of weddings as a supplier and the vast majority have pay bars. Guests are given a glass of fizz/pimms/soft drink on arrival at the reception, a couple of bottles of wine on the tables and a glass of fizz for the toasts.

The only times there are free bars are if its more a diy wedding, so the venue is a marquee, village hall etc. and that's usually because of licensing issues. Even then there's often an honesty box. Very very occasionally there's a byob reception which I think would be less cheeky than asking for cash up front.

If your wedding is in a licensed venue then have a cash bar. Your guests will expect this and honestly won't think you're tight for not having a free bar.

I've only been to one wedding with a free bar and I've been to a lot of weddings. If you don't want your guests to pay for drinks you need to fund this.

100% no from me.

So what happens when the guest's contributions runs out?

Yes I don't get that either ovenchips

If it is a village hall type thing, then I think Wing's experience of 'bring your own' would be much more acceptable. It could be quite fun with kitsch pics of 70s/80s type liqueurs on the invite.

I think anything other ticketing/asking for money upfront is preferable.

People understand a paying bar, or BYOB and they don't mind if it's super cheap plonk being provided. Everyone knows weddings are expensive and there is a cap to what couples can afford but to be charged to attend, for all intents and purposes...nah fuck that.

I've never been to a wedding where guests have to buy their own drinks. If you can't afford to host your guests, don't- or just serve tap water.

Dontforget I'd be delighted at this! Wedding drink prices are shocking, I'd love to give a tenner and have free drinks! Think the prices you've said are more than fair! Even soft drinks at the last wedding I went to were nearly £3 each for bog standard fizzy out the gun style.

So long as you can work out a nice way to explain it, and are prepared for some not to pay, I think your guests are in for a lovely wedding. Good luck and Congratulations in advance xx

Srsly? Like OMG you cannot do this OP! BYOB would be better than this.

And equally what happens if you have guest money left over at the end of the night?

Why don't you buy some table wine and soft drinks to start everyone off and then have a paying bar.

Bad idea IMO. Not only is it a bit cringe inducing (not to mention admin-heavy), but I think people are going to drink more because in their mind they've paid for it. Just have a pay bar, or put what you can afford behind the bar.

Something that worked quite well at one wedding I went to is to have 4-5 'tokens' among trusted guests, and to order a free drink, you needed to find someone with a token. This got people talking to each other and mingling at bit and stopped people taking advantage. Those that couldn't be arsed just paid for their drinks. It wouldn't work for every wedding but it worked well for them.

I've honestly never been to a wedding that had a pay bar, or a pay anything come to think of it, in homes or at hotels. So it's a no from me. Never had a poem asking for money either, I feel left out..

I went to a wedding in a hall type venue with drinks set out on n a table and a 'contributions welcome' box. It worked really well ( much cheaper!) but if I had been asked in advance, having never experienced this before, would have found it odd (now I wouldn't though!). There was a waitress who was paid by the couple but they weren't 'serving'/ taking money, more restocking and keeping things tidy.

What ????

That's awful!

Practically, how will this work?

If you offer people all you can drink for £10, they will drink a lot. The buffet effect will occur and they will drink and drink to get the best value from their £10. If a G&T costs £6.50, that means after 1.5, they've used up their contribution.

The only way that I can see this working is if you pay for a free bar, but then charge people £10 for access. I think most places would disallow this because of licensing restrictions, and I think it'd cost you more than just doing a free bar in the first place, because people will feel they are entitled to drink more if they've paid.

You could get around licensing restrictions by charging people £10 to attend your wedding but you'd need to make it clear this is a ticket cost rather than paying specifically for alcohol, if the venue are happy with that.

I really don't see how it saves you any money, though, and it'll be controversial.

Eek no, don't do it, horrible idea.

Have you forgotten how much YOUR guests will be forking out to attend YOUR wedding ?

Outfits, presents, accomadation,

Personally I can't stand weddings because they fleece me of money I don't have so if you sent me an invite like that I would probably return it to you.

Agree, a pay bar after a certain time is better. I would be really put out to be asked to contribute like this. I think if you do you will be the subject of much bitching and complaining behind your back, is that really the vibe you want for your wedding?

I've still only been to one wedding with a cash bar.

I've only been to one where everything was free.

no no no - pay for your guests to eat and drink, make sure there is adequate seating.... these are must dos if you are inviting people to your wedding.

Cut your cloth... etc