To ask guests to contribute to my wedding?

[DontForgetTheLightAlesLawrence]

Please give your honest thoughts on what you would think to receiving this in a wedding invitation.

Along with saying yes or no to coming, and whether you have any special dietary requirements, it has a bit saying that all drinks on the day/evening will be free, with a small contribution request, on the return of the invitation. Childrend drinks are free so no contribution required: non alcohol drinking adults £5, alcohol drinking adults £10.

Oh and a silent disco we were considering!

Am I purple ?

I'd think you had a bloody cheek. It costs a mint to attend weddings: fares to and from, an outfit, a present, possibly an overnight stay. If I was asked to pay I'd decide not to attend

Ignoring all other elements to this, one big problem you may will have is that people will drink their moneys worth delibrately. You'll end up with a lot more drunks than usual because they feel entitled to it as they have paid in advance despite it actually being a bargain.

How much is a silent disco vs a cheap disco?

How much is a bouncy castle?

I ran this past my DH. He said he just wouldn't go.

We had loads of fun planning our wedding and I can see you are doing the same and coming up with lots of fun ideas.
But pissing off your guests before they've even got there might not make things go your way.
I've never been to a wedding that you could BYOB so that would be fun to try that out. Since I can decide my own budget I may well live it up and bring champagne and stuff to make cocktails. Have lots of glasses available so people don't have to bring them.
People can sort out their own cool bags or boxes. When I went to Royal ascot we took a huge cool box filled with champers and a picnic blanket and disposable wine glasses.

No Purple is PurpleDaisies

Starting to think this thread is a massive windup

You did ask for honest answers….. I really wouldn't ask people to pay. If you are very stretched financially then I'd suggest having a really small and modest wedding. Slash the numbers and go for simple food & drinks. People will be there for you - it won't matter if it's not 'flash'. Or postpone. I'm afraid I think expecting guests to pay is really not on.

Why have a bar at all if you can't afford it? Why not some barrels of beer and cases of wine?

I've obviously led a sheltered life - never been to a wedding where I've had to pay.

Why would you think you were purple ryanairbride? It's as if you've never read thread on here before.

Wedding etiquette is clearly not a fixed set of rules. The vast majority of people are very happy to pay for their own drinks in the evening. A few will think you are the lowest of the low for not providing a free bar. Just go with what you think is best and don't worry about it.

No, no wind up. I'm very happy with the honest answers. I don't have to agree with them or take them on board mind 😉

I'm not replacing the entertain with free drinks though manatee if that's where you are heading. Without entertainment it's just us sat with our free drinks in an empty barn 😂

Then again, I've never been expected to stay at a campsite for a wedding. I never understand why people just can't get married at home and have the party in their back garden, or somewhere nearby. Why all the faff and expense?

anyway, there's some nice suggestions here, thank you! Will keep checking back to see if anymore come up! Thanks everyone !

Just provide a drink on entrance, wine at the table and fizz for the toast. Then a pay bar. That's what I'd expect if I were going to a wedding. If you provide "free" drinks you'll just get loads of very pissed people fighting. Which could be entertaining I suppose

Free drinks and put an iPod playlist on some speakers!

No-one remembers the music at a wedding. Everyone remembers a wedding without enough booze

I think it all depends on circumstances. Friends of ours got married at 18, parents contributed to their first home, but had no real money to put towards the wedding apart from the bride's parents buying her dress. Bride's family were moving abroad with work, which came about very suddenly and they had little money to spare. Bride didn't want to go abroad and boyfriend proposed, hence the wedding. The village hall was hired and the wedding invitation asked for everyone to bring items of food which were enough for six people and to contribute to the drinks bill. I remember having to take a quiche and a trifle.

The point is that it all depends on circumstances, if people can see a real need, then they will be more than happy to chip in, but if they are at a posh do they have been asked to contribute to then they will start to find fault, especially if you are having things like chair covers and wedding favours, which although lovely, aren't really that necessary and it will spoil the day.

Don't do it. Either put some money behind the bar, or just have a pay bar. I'd laugh if I got an invite charging me to attend a wedding!

I never understand why people just can't get married at home ...

Not sure if you're in the UK, but (unless it's changed very recently) I'm afraid that's not allowed - marriages have to take place in authorised premises and there are pretty strict rules about what counts as suitable

I guess it would be possible in theory for a private householder to apply, but I've never heard of it personally

I always think people who have a free bar at a wedding are either showing off or have more money than sense. A paying bar is the norm (with a couple of rounds for toasts, a glass on entrance) and no-one should have a problem with that.

It's a terrible idea. Put some wine on the tables and then let guests buy their own drinks after that. Just have the wedding you can afford. It's simply dreadful to charge people for attending a wedding.

Puzzled

In Scotland you can apply for a permission to marry anywhere (your own house, a public beach) as long as you have the owner's permission and the registrar's office deems it suitable and checks it out.

Our wedding budget was pretty modest by modern standards and while I hammered costs down on all kinds of stuff with DIY options I did so in order to be able to afford enough booze for the whole party. Each to their own I suppose but if you ask me feeding and watering your guests is far more important than (say) an expensive dress, elaborate floral arrangements or a posh venue.

Do you have a license to sell alcohol OP?

Interesting about the Scottish system, Nucky - I didn't know that