To ask guests to contribute to my wedding?

[DontForgetTheLightAlesLawrence]

Please give your honest thoughts on what you would think to receiving this in a wedding invitation.

Along with saying yes or no to coming, and whether you have any special dietary requirements, it has a bit saying that all drinks on the day/evening will be free, with a small contribution request, on the return of the invitation. Childrend drinks are free so no contribution required: non alcohol drinking adults £5, alcohol drinking adults £10.

Thanks for bringing that up Sirzy!

Can she not make it a BYOB event if she really doesn't want to pay for the drinks? At least then people can be in control of what they bring and how much it costs

Will they still need a license to sell?

Yes to sell it they will. If the £1 was a voluntary donation to charity they wouldnt need a licence (hint: a wedding doesnt qualify as a charity )

If you want to recreate the atmosphere in the Aldi car-park when you realise you've run out of pound coins for the trolley, go right ahead and charge a pound per drink.

I just think for the sake of a few 100 pounds this is a fuss about nothing. Save money off elsewhere.

Once you make it a financial transaction, then people will start to see it as that and outwit you- so having doubles, not having mixers, run out of coins etc. You then have to have staff to take the money etc- I'm pretty sure you can't run an unlicensed bar in exchange for money on the day anyway.

I hardly drink at all, so if I had been provided with soft drinks at the table and one glass of champagne to toast the newlyweds, I'd be fine, I wouldn't be paying £6.50 for a G and T.

You are trying to save your guests (and yourself) money but missing the spirit of celebration.

I still think this is a couple with ideas beyond their budget. I've never been asked to pay for my drinks at a party or a wedding. If the hosts can't afford it, they need to cater accordingly.

Yes if in a barn just make it BYOB.

Yes deregistered, but has it occurred to you that unlike the Boden clad Mumsnet masses, not all of us have families who can easily shell out for a pay bar on top of a present, travel, staying somewhere etc, etc, etc without blinking an eye.

Personally I think it's a hell of a lot more considerate to try and think of a polite way of telling your guests that you've found a way to make it much cheaper for them, rather than just taking a 'fuck them, they can pay extra' attitude.

The OP might also want to consider that the people she is inviting are her family and friends, who like and care about her, and are far more likely to be understanding than a bunch of bitter old harpies women on the internet who neither know nor care about her.

yes BrianCoxReborn they will need a licence to sell alcohol. same as if this were a barn dance or a classical concert. Just because its a wedding and they know everyone there makes bugger all difference. I know this. I used to be an EHO and deal with temporary events licences all the time.

they will need to apply for this well in advance and show that they are fit and proper people and that the venue is suitable.

they will have to display said licence behind the bar and they, the licence holders, will be responsible for the sale of that alcohol. ie. they must make sure it is not sold to or consumed by minors. they will be responsible for making sure someone doesn't get so drunk.

if a 16 year old buys alcohol gets pissed and crashes their motorcycle on the way home, they will be responsible.

there is no way that what they are suggesting and what they want to do is either workable or reasonable.

if they invited me, I would check that they had a TEL and shop them if they didn't.

sorry but this is a nasty grabby little post. if you cant afford it, don't do it. don't expect your guests to pay for you.

glad they like ryannair weddings but clearly cant see the irony in it when applied to their own situation.

I know this won't sit well with those trying to make her out to be grabby....but she isn't. She was genuinely.trying to get her guests a good deal. She can't afford to pay for everyone's drinks (it's not the norm to do so in my social circle either).

It is being done on a budget, it isn't lavish and there is no request for expensive presents (actually a suggested charity donation).

Woah mummymeister, I was about to thank you for the advice re the license, but you turned into a bit of twat halfway through your post.

Rudeelf sorry you are wrong. if any money changes hands for charity or not then they need a licence. it is the SALE that is the important thing. there is even an argument for saying that if you ask for a voluntary contribution by putting out a bowl then this needs a licence since those that put in the bowl are buying alcohol.

some premises tried to get around the licence idea by including the alcohol within the price of the meal. they didn't get away with it.

some tried to ask for voluntary contributions and they didn't get away with this either.

the only basis on which you don't need a licence is if it is a private party and you are supplying access to the party free of charge and that the alcohol is free.

She can't afford to pay for everyone's drinks

Most couples cant! It isnt expected. They are fine to just provide a reception drink and then have a pay bar. People will expect to pay for their own drinks.

If she's not out to have the guests fund the wedding of her dreams for her, then she would have simply out soft drinks and wine on the tables with a note saying guests are welcome to bring anything with them as there will be no bar at the venue.

Asking for charity gifts rather than actual presents still shows she expects items from guests or she would have stated no presents.

Expecting people to buy a wedding outfit, pay for travel to a barn, contribute to the party and then give cash isn't want non grabby people do.

If asking for charity donation I would also include a byob. Byob is wrong if you have a gift list at Harvey nicks but if you are saying please don't give us a present, a contribution to x charity would be nice but don't feel you have to kind of thing then it isn't so bad

I would prefer to either buy my own drink or bring my own drink. If everyone brought one or two things it would be enough on top of wine. As a group of friends you could club together to bring mixers and spirits

BrianCoxReborn - I am not a twat. I don't have parties that I expect people to pay for. if they come to my party then if its a small one I provide the drink and when its drunk its gone. If ts larger I say bring a bottle.

cant you see how awful asking for money is? cant you see how grabby it looks?

why cant your "friend" just say bring a bottle, bring what you want to drink and use any money in the budget to provide the toast and maybe one or two bottles on the table. no one absolutely no one is going to object to this.

Well if you do I guarantee people will talk behind your back for years to come.
You'll always be known as the tight arse.

Therea an awful lot of really good advice on this thread.

B2B had already checked with landowner about alcohol license (as would be needed either way) so that's all sorted anyway.

I'm off now, thanks for everybody's thoughts.

I think anybody planning a wedding is monumentally insane. Beach, bride, groom, witness, registrar. Sorted.

Yes, it is a "friend" , if it was me I'd have said "hi, I'm getting married and need some advice" hth

Apologies for giving wrong info. You'll be glad to hear i dont get involved in free/voluntary bars!

Never heard of this happening at a wedding before and I'd think it was slightly odd. I'd put a certain amount behind the bar and once it is gone guest have to pay I'd also let bar staff know not to give out double spirits. TBH I would rather just pay for the bar all night.

YABU.

In response to will they need a licence to sell alcohol or BYOB ideas, if this venue caters for weddings then they will almost definitely have an alcohol licence. If they are using a barn that isn't normally used for public events i.e.: belongs to a friend that is a different matter. A venue will not allow you to just bring in your own alcohol as a considerable percentage of their income is through the bar. They will normally allow the 'organisers' in this case the wedding couple to bring in their own alcohol beforehand as per agreement if they pay a corkage charge, normally per bottle. This allows you to buy your alcohol cheaper elsewhere.

no worries RudeElf. the law around the sale of alcohol is a real minefield. how many church fetes have been caught out by it!!

goodbye BrianCoxreborn. there are 2 types of alcohol licence. premise ones which is the one that the farmer will have advised her of and personal one. if she is selling she needs both.

Bill Sykes.

You are assuming that I and others are wealthy Boden buyers.

I'm not.

If you bothered to read posts properly no-one is saying that the bride and groom shouldn't be trying to cut costs. Everyone has a budget and has to adhere to it (or they are fools). I did. Everyone I know did.

Everyone is saying a paying bar is fine.

Asking for money and charging guests is not fine. It is not better than just turning up to a wedding and seeing it is a paying bar which is perfectly acceptable.

I've also said I love weddings, I love my friends and I'm always happy to see them wed. I don't mind the cost of it all. Again, maybe read what people are actually saying?

People who have an attitude of charging guests really need to rethink - are they getting this arse over tit because they simply can't afford it and getting in a tizzy so it's affecting their thinking?

Brian I think BYOB for a barn wedding would be great - could be good fun. Much, much better than all this charging nonsense!

Test hello?