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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My partners daughter called people with autism weird

89 replies

michealsmum1998 · 12/02/2016 17:10

As it says in the title my partners daughter aged 26 was talking about someone on TV and said he had autism he was a right weirdo.

Now I may be being touchy as my son has autism but my partner can't see that his precious daughter said or did anything wrong. Am I being unreasonable to feel hurt and angry?

OP posts:

CooPie10 · 12/02/2016 17:18

Yanbu, at her age she should know better. And how insulting to your son so they think he's a weirdo too? I would be hurt by this.

Marniasmum · 12/02/2016 17:30

Insensitive and rude.But I think it is quite a leap to say she thinks your DS is a weirdo too.

x2boys · 12/02/2016 17:32

was she saying all people with autism are weird or just one person on tv? Some people with autism can appear quite odd at times and i say this as the mother of a severly autistic child i know his behaviour is odd .

VioletVaccine · 12/02/2016 17:40

I use the word 'quirky' for my DS (13) sometimes. I genuinely don't notice his quirks, until I see him with other boys his own age, and then they are quite pronounced.
Maybe your DPs daughter is just lacking a wide vocabulary when it comes to describing something she's unfamiliar with, so her opinions have come over as offensive even if they weren't meant to be?

IsItMeOr · 12/02/2016 17:45

I'm not surprised you're offended, to be honest, as it was certainly a fairly insensitive remark in your context.

She's young, and hopefully will become more sensitive as she ages/mellows.

I'd be concerned that your partner can't see why you're upset/this is a sensitive issue for you. But commenting on each others kids/parenting can be a minefield. DMIL cites it as one of the main reasons her last relationship broke down.

TheWrathofNaan · 12/02/2016 17:52

I would be furious. It was the height of insensitivity for her to make this remark. How does your partner not see this?

Fairylea · 12/02/2016 17:55

Did she mean he was weird regardless of the autism or because of it? Does she know your son has autism?

(I'm a mum to a son with severe autism).

BeyondBootcampsAgain · 12/02/2016 17:56

Shes not young, shes only four bloody years younger than me!

Yanbu op

figureofspeech · 12/02/2016 17:59

That sounds like a deliberate snide remark aimed at your son OP, she knows that he has autism. Nasty bully. She needs to be educated and she is an adult who has chosen to make discriminatory remarks about the sufferer of this long term condition. Would be dad think it ok if she said a wheel chair user was odd? I doubt it, it's not acceptable to make remarks about a disability regardless of whether it's obvious or hidden.

www.autism.org.uk/get-involved/world-autism-awareness-week.aspx

birdlover1977 · 12/02/2016 17:59

I would be hurt by that comment as I have two sons with autism. Yes somethings their behaviour can be quite 'odd' or 'unusual', perhaps this is what she meant but just said 'weird'. Maybe she ha sa limited vocabulary and said that without thinking it through.

UmbongoUnchained · 12/02/2016 18:02

One of my best friends has autism and he's a right weirdo! He'll tell you that himself though. Some people are weird. Autism it not.

Bluebell66 · 12/02/2016 18:03

An extremely cruel and ignorant comment to make. More than that, deeply insensitive of your DP not to understand how hurt you are by it, given your DS has autism. I have a son with Aspergers, and would be deeply upset if anyone described him as weird.

Original poster

michealsmum1998 · 12/02/2016 18:04

Isitmeor - I agree it is a minefield commenting on other peoples parenting.
I am, now I have calmed down a bit more concerned about OH reaction than what she said.

Violetvaccine - I know what you mean by quirky or even strange. If said in context it can even be endearing. I think her life experience compared to when I was that age are somewhat lacking so you may be right regarding the vocabulary.

The more I read your responses I think I may have jumped to defensive very quickly

OP posts:

Katenka · 12/02/2016 18:23

I have aspergers and I wouldn't have taken that personally.

But I think I would have taken it to be that particular person is a weirdo, irrespectively of the autism. Rather than 'people with autism' are weirdos.

It's possible that I am taking lighter than it meant though.

BeyondBootcampsAgain · 12/02/2016 18:27

Was she talking about sheldon per chance?

IsItMeOr · 12/02/2016 18:28

BeyondBootcamps I'm probably speaking from my personal experience, where I seemed to grow up a lot after the age of 25 still am.

I do think it can be easy to use insensitive language if you lack a diverse experience with a wide variety of people. I know that I've wanted the ground to swallow me up sometimes when I've put my foot in my mouth!

Vintage45 · 12/02/2016 18:34

They aren't weird but the do sometimes do weird things. But I don't really think weird is a terrible word in the whole scheme of things.

thebiscuitindustry · 12/02/2016 18:49

YANBU. Autism is a disability and it causes differences and difficulties, not "weirdness". Would she refer to someone with a physical disability as "weird"? The difficulties are with social communication, social interaction and social imagination. This may change the way someone behaves but that doesn't make them "weird", it means they have the disability called autism.

sohelpmegoad · 12/02/2016 19:15

I have aspergers and have been described as weird my whole life. I embrace it as I recognise that my behavour is sometimes weird to other people. Unless she meant to be unkind, perhaps you could see it as her describing what she saw.

Medusacascade · 12/02/2016 19:25

It's offensive and disabilist. There is no context is which saying a person with autism is a weirdo is not offensive. Especially from a person that age.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 12/02/2016 19:29

What medusa said. With bells on.

Crazypetlady · 12/02/2016 19:29

Yanbu she is 26 there is no excuse.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 12/02/2016 19:30

Seriously how can anyone argue that saying "people with autism are weird" is not offensive and disabilist.

I see some are even arguing it's not offensive because they ARE weird.

LarrytheCucumber · 12/02/2016 21:04

My DS has Aspergers and would probably describe himself as weird! And if he thought someone else was weird he would probably say so.
It isn't very kind to describe someone as weird, but people say worse things.

hiddenhome2 · 12/02/2016 21:49

Tell her it's better to be weird than to be a mindless drone

I guess it is offensive and you shouldn't have to sit and hear it.

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