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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My partners daughter called people with autism weird

89 replies

michealsmum1998 · 12/02/2016 17:10

As it says in the title my partners daughter aged 26 was talking about someone on TV and said he had autism he was a right weirdo.

Now I may be being touchy as my son has autism but my partner can't see that his precious daughter said or did anything wrong. Am I being unreasonable to feel hurt and angry?

OP posts:

Alisvolatpropiis · 12/02/2016 21:53

I'm 27 and wouldn't describe someone with autism as weird. I can see why it upset/angered you.

She's hardly some young kid who doesn't know any better!

theclick · 12/02/2016 21:54

She ahould know better at her age.'give her a talking to.

woollytights · 12/02/2016 21:55

She owes you one hell of an apology and so does your partner. At best her remark was stupid and thoughtless.

woollytights · 12/02/2016 21:57

I am also 26, by the way, and I've never witnessed any of my similarly aged peers say those sorts of things.

NewYearNewToads · 12/02/2016 23:31

Katenka same here. I have autism and I'm a right weirdo .

I think this depends on the context tbh. From your OP it doesn't actually sound like she was saying that everyone with autism was weird or a weirdo. She was simply calling that particular person weird.

NewYearNewToads · 12/02/2016 23:34

Actually I've just re-read your OP and I think I might have misunderstood it. So her words were "he had autism, he was a right weirdo"? Because in that case I would have to say YANBU.

I originally read it as she had simply called someone weird who happened to have autism but she hadn't mentioned the autism herself iyswim.

Have you spoken to her about it?

NewYearNewToads · 12/02/2016 23:37

Speaking of context, even though I call myself weird and I know people who affectionately call me weird which I'm okay with because I know they're not being horrible and we still like each other.

However I have been called weird by people who meant it in a nasty way and that bothered me if that makes sense?

manicinsomniac · 13/02/2016 00:15

I suppose it depends on whether she meant he is autistic and weird or autistic therefore weird.

The former is insensitive but the latter is downright offensive.

I'm a bit weird. So are my kids to be fair. None of us are autistic though. Just ... a r tistic, to put it kindly! But referring to yourself/those you love as weird or even any NT person as weird is a lot different to referring to an autistic person as weird.

So basically, YANBU

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 13/02/2016 00:44

Of course YNBU. People with autism are very very intelligent and fascinating.
With having a DS with autism. I'm not surprised, nor do I blame you for being angry.
In regards to your DP not being able to see any wrong in his DD. I can't stand all that. I adore my DD beyond any imagination. She amazing, but shes got her faults she's human. FFS.

SalemSaberhagen · 13/02/2016 01:07

People with autism are very very intelligent and fascinating

This is almost as bad as OP's DSD calling autistic people weird.

Some people with autism may be very intelligent. Others, such as my DSis, are categorically not. She has LD associated with her autism. It's this stupid bloody idea that all autistic people are savants that leads people to sound slightly disappointed when I tell them that no, DSis isn't a whizz at maths/music/memory games.

Autistic people are people with autism, that's as far as any stereotype or expectation should go.

NewYearNewToads · 13/02/2016 01:20

YY salem.

I don't have any LD's however I doubt many people would describe me as intelligent.

Katenka · 13/02/2016 05:46

People with autism are very very intelligent and fascinating.

Some people with autism are intelligent, some are fascinating. Some are neither.

We are like NT people, all different. As I said I would have taken the comment as something against all Autistic people.

Labelling all autistic people as anything (good or bad) is wrong. It's grouping us all into one stereotype.

araiba · 13/02/2016 06:05

in the op it says she was talking about 1 person (he) so they weren't generalizing all autistic people

Fairylea · 13/02/2016 06:19

As Katenka says. ^^

I wish people would step away from the stereotypes of autism. It is a spectrum conditions with huge variations in how it presents. Not everyone with autism is like rain man or the character from the curious incident book.

My son is 3.8 and has severe autism. He is likely to need 24/7 care for the rest of his life and at the moment does not even understand the difference between day and night or where we are going when we go to nursery (which we go to several times a week and have done for the last year). He ears two different foods (and that is literally it) and doesn't sleep more than 2 hours in a row and is up at 4.30am every day for the day. He may be intelligent underneath it all (despite having been identified as having severe learning difficulties) but his autism is very debilitating and prevents him leading any sort of normal life.

I think the "genius" autism stereotype is just as bad as the "weird" one people seem to have. It's a very, very small proportion of people with autism that have genius type qualities. It does happen but not as often as people think.

whats4teamum · 13/02/2016 07:07

I have a colleague in her 50s who keeps referring to someone she knows with ASD as weird. I have a relative with aspergers, as she well knows and it has been really annoying me. This thread has made me realise I should pull her up on it and I am not being over sensitive about it.

YANBU. You think people are more open minded regarding SN and then you encounter this kind of ignorant attitude. I imagine it must be hurtful when it is from within your own family.

ProudAS · 13/02/2016 07:16

Totally out of order.

I find neurotypicals weird but despite my condition have the social skills to not use it as an insult.

x2boys · 13/02/2016 07:34

Err no ILiveinalighthouse ds is severly autistic he also has learning disabillities now obviously i love him to bits but hes not very very intelligent hence he goes to a special school he will probably never live independently hopefully he will talk but he cant yet and hes six in may.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 13/02/2016 08:27

My DD might be intelligent and fascinating but can't speak so we shall never know. .

Medusacascade · 13/02/2016 08:41

Fanjo, I'm sure she is fascinating anyway. I've encountered lots of children with ASD in my work as well as having a child with the condition myself. I've never failed to be amazed at how children with the condition, no matter where they fall on the spectrum, see things in a unique way and find a beauty in things that NT people won't always see.

x2boys · 13/02/2016 08:49

I agree Medusa ds is fascinated with stuff that makes no sense to.me he's also funny ,cuddly and the world's biggest pest at times he has significant learning disabilities and loves music and dancing.

Samcro · 13/02/2016 08:51

thebiscuitindustry Fri 12-Feb-16 18:49:26
YANBU. Autism is a disability and it causes differences and difficulties, not "weirdness". Would she refer to someone with a physical disability as "weird"? The difficulties are with social communication, social interaction and social imagination. This may change the way someone behaves but that doesn't make them "weird", it means they have the disability called autism.

what they said

x2boys · 13/02/2016 10:20

Ds was in hospital last yr due to having sone teeth out when I went to.meet him after he came round in recovery the nurses were asking if he had any special talents I think meaning maths genius, wonderful artist etc these were trained children's nurse ,s who really should no better they also asked me if he got any kind of an education as they presumably assumed kids with disabilities didn't!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 13/02/2016 10:33

A consultant neurologist told me he didn't think k DD has autism as she has facial expressions

x2boys · 13/02/2016 10:39

And these are educated people Fanjo worrying isnt it?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 13/02/2016 10:49

Yes it is

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