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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a word with the school about birthday treats?

279 replies

BananaPie · 11/02/2016 19:10

Ds is in reception. On their birthday, kids are allowed to bring in treats to dish out to classmates at the end of the day. The other day, ds came out with a piece of cake, a chocolate biscuit and a lolly.

Now, I'm more than happy for ds to have the odd treat, but I do like to choose what and when he has them. That said, it does seem pretty churlish to whip them away when all his classmates are tucking in, and I couldn't quite face the resulting tantrum on the way home. Ds ate them all, but was on a sugar high for the rest of the evening which made bedtime a bit of a nightmare.

Would it be unreasonable to talk to the school about types / amounts of treats allowed? Some people just bring in a box of celebrations or similar and each child takes one, which I have no problem with. Or should I just confiscate as much as possible from him in the playground and deal with the tantrum?

OP posts:
BoGrainger · 13/02/2016 16:10

I hope you've told the food manufacturers that. The bulk of sugar that children consume comes from processed food directly targeted at them eg cereals, yogurts, baked beans. A packet of Haribo is nothing in comparison!

Pipbin · 13/02/2016 16:14

It is mixed messages for a school to get fussy about sugary foods in lunchboxes but then continually reward and celebrate with sugary foods.

It's not the school though is it. The school didn't buy a Frozen cake or some Haribo did they? It's other parents. If you want this to stop then let other parents know. Don't bring the poor sodding teacher into it all, they've got more than enough to do.
Also, please remember that Haribo are made from boiled up pig bones and therefore not suitable for Muslim, Jewish or vegetarian children.

And for the record I was that child who had a very restricted diet. No cake, sweets, crisps, chocolate. First thing I did as soon as I could drive and therefore get myself to shops (we lived very rurally) was buy a fuck ton of chocolate. I'm now 40 and overweight. I have only just stopped hiding food.
DH grew up with a continuously topped up and available biscuit tin. He is like a racing snake.

AnotherTimeMaybe · 13/02/2016 16:19

YANBU just take school you don't want him to have any at all
If he was on a special diet ie dairy free would they respect that?

derxa · 13/02/2016 16:40

He is like a racing snake. Grin Just like my DSs. DH less so. In his house he always felt deprived of food hence his focus on it now.

tootsietoo · 13/02/2016 16:44

Has anyone considered that perhaps the restriction/bingeing is not cause and effect that way around? I have one child with a huge appetite, and one very picky one. I have to restrict the hungry one as she eats enough to make herself overweight. The other self-regulates. So the fact that my DD1 might look as if she's diving for the sugary junk when she gets the chance is not BECAUSE I restrict it, it is WHY I restrict it.

So all you parents with children with slim self-regulating children with perfect teeth, just think yourselves lucky! Your children eating a load of junk may not be a problem for you, but mine eating it is for me. So I remain eternally grateful to our school for removing this particular weekly problem for me. And I don't think it makes me or the school killjoys, there are plenty of other ways to celebrate things.

Hamiltoes · 13/02/2016 16:55

toot, no in my experience its usually the ones who are restricted who then go on to gorge and overindulge. I've never made food an issue, never pushed it or restricted it and it's seemed to work fine for me. If a child has a huge appetite I don't understand why anyone wouldn't get them more active rather than restricting their diet? Or maybe its a result of them being so active?

Fussing over food has always seemed strange to me, but then I grew up with a similar attitude and managed to "self-regulate" and maintain a healthy weight fine.

derxa · 13/02/2016 16:56

Despite my earlier comments I agree with you in many tootsie. Feeding children nowadays is a nightmare. I had a very picky elder son and I stressed and agonised about it. However I wish I had been much more laid back. The picky son though is now a really good cook. He's grinding ginger into a paste as we speak. He is tall and healthy now but I just couldn't imagine it at the time.

t1mum · 13/02/2016 16:57

That's an incredibly good point tootsietoo. And the attitude of some people that sweets=celebration doesn't help the kids who need to restrict their intake for whatever reason.

Totally agree with you that "there are plenty of other ways to celebrate things".

Galena · 13/02/2016 19:12

Yep, I've got one who likes all things sweet and she also runs to being overweight. However, she has a mild disability so 'getting her more active' isn't a possibility - she is fatigued by a day at school and can't cope with much more activity. Therefore I have to restrict the amount of sugary/fatty stuff she eats - extra weight serves to make activity for her harder work and the fatigue worse.

She does, however, do both gymnastics and swimming on a Saturday and we try to get out walking on a Sunday.

She knows we don't have sweets and chocolate every day. She also knows we do need to watch what she eats a bit.

She's 6. I hope she doesn't gorge herself on chocolate and crisps when she gets older.

tootsietoo · 13/02/2016 19:13

Thanks for the positive replies!

I'm so surprised at the huge number of people who don't see sweets and junk food as an issue. Of course it's a very bad thing to create psychological issues with food in your children, but there is a reason that the population is become more and more obese, and in my opinion it's the sheer volume of rubbish available to us to eat and drink. We all need to eat less of it, especially children. And a bit of support in this from schools would help.

SpotOn · 13/02/2016 19:16

Schools don't seem to mind handing out sweets at the end of the day, but can you imagine if kids had them for breakfast, or in their lunch box? Grin

Claraoswald36 · 13/02/2016 20:22

On reflection this is about parental autonomy and that being compromised. On the one hand I don't like my dds school telling me what I can feed my kids. On the other hand if I was restricting their diet and the school was over riding my decision then I would be furious.

Pipbin · 13/02/2016 20:39

As I said, it isn't the school doing this is it. It's other parents.
If the teacher handed out the party invitations for a child in the class, would you complain to the teacher that your child didn't get invited?
This is the same thing. A parent has decided that they want their child to give the other children in the class a chocolate. That has nothing to do with the school.

Lurkedforever1 · 13/02/2016 21:01

Breakfast and lunch are different because unlike birthdays, they're everyday.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 13/02/2016 21:06

When did this become a thing? I've never heard of schools doing this.

user789653241 · 13/02/2016 21:10

I hate it when somebody in my ds's class do this. He is allergic to a lot of things. When everybody is coming out eating muffins, chocolate etc, my ds comes out with sad face... Sad There are so many children with special diet these days, I wish school stop this happening.

user789653241 · 13/02/2016 21:14

I know it's got nothing to do with school, but they have power to tell parents not to do this.

Pipbin · 13/02/2016 21:32

I know it's got nothing to do with school, but they have power to tell parents not to do this.

The majority of people on this thread have said that there is nothing wrong wth this. So if the school did say no to handing out stuff then the majority would complain they were miserable sods. Schools cannot win can they.

user789653241 · 13/02/2016 21:47

But even the school says because of children with allergy, do people still complain?
I assume you don't have a child with allergy, Pipbin.

Pipbin · 13/02/2016 21:53

No I don't.
I do sympathise with the situation and I think that a allergy is different. If parents were asked not to send things in because child x has serious allergies then I think people would be understanding.
However if parents were asked not to send stuff in because people don't want their children eating sweets simply because they don't want them to then eat sugar then I think the attitude would be different, as can be seen on this thread. I think it would be seen as another example of schools trying to micro manage children's lives.

Nickname1980 · 13/02/2016 21:55

I'm sure I won't add much more to this - as so much has been said already - but my mum was super strict with me as a child when it came to sweets and junk food.

I knew I wasn't allowed any whatsoever, and I remember really vividly having to hand them to my mum after school and being desperate to eat them (whenever that type of birthday treat would happen, etc).

When I was a teenager and she couldn't control what I ate anymore, I went chocolate CRAZY. Honestly. And I think it was my way of rebelling against the ban. And, in forbidding it, she just made it seem even more tasty!

So I have decided to let my kids have the occasional treat like that, they know it's special and not for every day. I think denying kids of something just makes it more tempting.

But - to answer your original question - I don't think it's that unreasonable to speak to the school about the treats and ask if they can send a letter to parents telling them not to bring too much junk on birthdays.

It's much worse to have the chocolate/ cake/sweets taken away as "not allowed" than for a small treat to appear instead.

SingingSamosa · 13/02/2016 22:15

Sugar highs are a myth, eh? Hmm

Clearly no-one has witnessed my youngest two after having been given sugar in any form: syrup or sugar on cereal, squash, sweets, cake, biscuits. You name it - after about 10 minutes of getting sugar in their bodies, they are both literally bouncing off the walls. It's quite astonishing to witness and you can almost set your watch by it. It doesn't affect my eldest in the slightest. It's definitely sugar!

bodenbiscuit · 13/02/2016 22:23

YABU - far worse are the (fascist) schools who never allow treats and have a fucking plastic birthday cake. Whose job was that to take the joy out of life??

Why couldn't you let him have one thing and ask him to wait till after dinner for the others?

Lurkedforever1 · 13/02/2016 22:33

irvine have you asked the school if you can provide some treats that he can have given to him by the bday child? I believe that's what many people with allergies do so they aren't left out. One of dds bf's used to always get an alternative, from friends parents who knew what was ok it would be sent in, otherwise the school had a few her mum had sent in for her. You'll probably get some pfb parent moaning it's not fair, like when dds bf was at the testing stage and we sent in a bouncy ball, but actual dietary needs are different to kale munchers.

Pipbin · 13/02/2016 22:42

YABU - far worse are the (fascist) schools who never allow treats and have a fucking plastic birthday cake. Whose job was that to take the joy out of life??

See, if schools say that you couldn't hand out sweets they are fascist. If they do say that you can then they are sugar pushing, allergy ignoring bastards.
Can't win.

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