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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a word with the school about birthday treats?

279 replies

BananaPie · 11/02/2016 19:10

Ds is in reception. On their birthday, kids are allowed to bring in treats to dish out to classmates at the end of the day. The other day, ds came out with a piece of cake, a chocolate biscuit and a lolly.

Now, I'm more than happy for ds to have the odd treat, but I do like to choose what and when he has them. That said, it does seem pretty churlish to whip them away when all his classmates are tucking in, and I couldn't quite face the resulting tantrum on the way home. Ds ate them all, but was on a sugar high for the rest of the evening which made bedtime a bit of a nightmare.

Would it be unreasonable to talk to the school about types / amounts of treats allowed? Some people just bring in a box of celebrations or similar and each child takes one, which I have no problem with. Or should I just confiscate as much as possible from him in the playground and deal with the tantrum?

OP posts:
chelle87 · 12/02/2016 18:01

I hate filling my kids with sugar. Hate when things like this come home. I agree with many of you others though, there's no point talking to school if you don't like it,dont let them have it anddeal with the tantrum, I do. Let them have 1 and the rest are saved for "another time'
And a sugar high isn't a myth.

chelseabuns2013 · 12/02/2016 18:46

*BananaPie

I get my children to throw away this crap when it comes home from school. Don't worry about getting your child to do the same. Talk to him, tell him why you think it's a good idea and let him decide what to do but be obviously proud of him whenever he chucks it away. kids have plenty of opportunities to eat rubbish but you have to draw the line somewhere.

sleeponeday · 12/02/2016 19:15

And a sugar high isn't a myth.

It's most definitely a myth.

Sugar is really, really bad for you in excess. No doubt there at all. But if your child can't control their blood sugar levels, then they have a serious health problem which needs addressing.

MrsHathaway · 12/02/2016 19:26

Sugar high is a myth. Blood sugar crash is a thing, although it's as likely to be caused by a potato as a bag of Haribo. Artificial sweeteners and colours turn some children loopy too.

People get hyped up by excitement - it's the hokey cokey and the bouncy castle that gets children worked up, not the biscuit and cake.

Sweets are an issue because they're nutritionally empty and harm teeth, not purely because they deliver their calories in sugar.

It is mixed messages for a school to get fussy about sugary foods in lunchboxes but then continually reward and celebrate with sugary foods.

Claraoswald36 · 12/02/2016 19:31

Yabu. Dd school allows no such treats. In foundation they got to sit on the birthday bean bag! That's it.
Dd2 nursery accepts birthday cake and duly divides it up at snack time. We make cup cakes to take in with icing and edible glitter. This year will be dd2's last birthday there. I will go overboard.

Op your kids are lucky the food police haven't turned up yet.

On the other hand a blanket ban stops any child feeling bad because their parent can't or won't send loads of treats for the class Sad

originalmavis · 12/02/2016 19:44

"Oh, you get to sit on the birthday beanbag!"

My 4 year old self would not be impressed!

voddiekeepsmesane · 12/02/2016 19:56

I am so so so sick of LAZY parenting. You don't want them to eat it then say no and deal with it. Over the course of your childs education (13/14 years ...until 18 when presumably a hovering MAY let their children breath and make decisions for themselves) you are going to cause anxiety to yourself and your child if you worry about micro managing every single aspect of their life. NO is a complete sentence you know!

anotherdayanothersquabble · 12/02/2016 21:05

The 'placebo' in the 'disproving the sugar high myth' trials is aspartame which has the same effect as sugar!!! It's not like they gave them flour!!

Comparing the behaviour of kids on sugar to kids on aspartame.... Not the best piece of scientific research ever!

t1mum · 12/02/2016 22:22

*"Oh, you get to sit on the birthday beanbag!"

My 4 year old self would not be impressed!*

It would make my 4 year old's day. Like being line leader, wearing the birthday hat or, I don't know, having people sing happy birthday.

FreshHorizons · 12/02/2016 22:31

It is lazy parenting. They don't want to be unpopular and want everyone to ensure that they never have to be!
I really can't see the problem- it has happened for decades and parents have managed it.

TheAlchemist101 · 12/02/2016 22:39

In our school dcs are allowed to bring in a cake or sweets but not both. Maybe you could suggest that to your ds school. For some dcs this will be the only way they will be able to share their birthdays with their friends if their parents can't afford a party or don't have the room. I personally think it's a nice thing to do and would be disappointed if our school banned it so YABU

tootsietoo · 12/02/2016 22:42

Haven't read the whole thread but banana pie, YANBU.

It drives me mad. In a class of 28 children, that's "treats" about once a week. And they do it at Beavers too - every time they go for a walk, or any other tiny excuse they give them bloody biscuits or haribo as a reward. When they've just had tea or about to have tea at home. It all adds up to them eating a lot of rubbish food which I would rather they didn't have and which they definitely don't need. It's easy for people to say not to worry about it, but I have one child with a weight problem, and I don't want her to have the stuff! Yes, I often will take it away, but can you imagine how that makes her and me feel? I hate having to deal with it and I wish I didn't have to. Junk food shouldn't be made a treat either - it's just wrong. And yes, it's happened for decades - and half the population is obese.

Thank god our school have just sent a letter round asking people not to send stuff in, due to allergies. What a relief.

Hamiltoes · 12/02/2016 22:52

Strange how many people have said to space the treats out, surely that can't be good for their teeth?

I'd rather mines had cake, a biscuit and a lolly in one go and then nothing for a few days than spacing it out. I don't see what the problem is at all and think op is BU.

exaltedwombat · 13/02/2016 00:17

Hasn't it been established that if there IS such a thing as a "sugar high", it's only about your expectations, or about the excited "party" atmosphere where sugar may be over-indulged in?

Claraoswald36 · 13/02/2016 10:00

Meh. They are only little once. Brush their teeth and give veg at tea time. What's the issue.
Sugar and treats can be enjoyed responsibly.

TheEagle · 13/02/2016 10:30

I'm curious as to what happens when children who have been restricted from eating jellies/sugary foods become teenagers and can buy their own food.

Do they go wild and start binging on energy drinks and Mars Bars or do they still steer clear of that stuff?

My children are still small (under 3) so these things rarely come up. DS1 is 2yo 4mo and is occasionally offered lollipops/jellies in shops but people mostly ask DH or I first if he can have them. I just say no thanks.

We don't ban sugary things necessarily but I don't see much need for a 2yo to have jellies etc.

Shockingly he does sometimes eat homemade cake (which I didn't realise was evil until just now)

I wouldn't be wild about my DC getting treats in school all the time but I'd just say no to them and deal with any ensuing tantrum.

Lurkedforever1 · 13/02/2016 10:57

eagle I think they do. I've certainly had kids here in the 6-10 range, that go mad for forbidden food. Something I consider normal like letting 8yr olds choose a snack/ midnight feast etc always results in those who never see crap trying to gorge on it. When those who have always been allowed it in moderation aren't that bothered. Ditto party buffets etc. Dc brought up like mine with junk in moderation tend to self regulate, the 'banned' group are the ones emptying all the treats on their plate. The most ott restricted child I know used to steal junk at my house and as a teen is never out of the shop!

Mrskeats · 13/02/2016 11:03

God some people need a bigger problem
Yabu

Claraoswald36 · 13/02/2016 12:33

Junk in moderation - exactly that Grin
I refuse to demonise any food groups. At parties with buffets I take no notice of what my kids choose. They have perfect teeth and we do a lot of exercise and they sleep like babies. They quite often decline puddings - they know what to do if they want it

shutupandshop · 13/02/2016 12:36

They have stopped this at dd3's school. I say let them eat cake.

Claraoswald36 · 13/02/2016 12:40

Shutup - love your post :-)

derxa · 13/02/2016 15:27

When I was teaching full time people used to send things in like the Tesco chocolate cake tray bake. About ten minutes from the end we sang Happy Birthday and the birthday person went round handing out the cake or whatever. Some children didn't like the cake and didn't accept. The rest of them ate the cake at their desks or took it home in a paper napkin. I know I committed all sorts of other MN cake and biscuit crimes but not one parent complained. Happy Days! There is an obesity crisis but it's also related to inactivity. As others have said when kids reach secondary school, the parents have little control.
There are so many pressures on children now. Please lighten up. You are going to drive yourself mad over trivialities.

LilacAndLovely · 13/02/2016 15:40

Even in a large class of 30 kids, with all the kids taking something on their birthday - you're talking 30 treats a year, out of 365 days.

I know for a fact mine have a treat more than once every 12 days or so, which is what it evens out to.

YABU. Let the poor buggers have a treat on a birthday.

Pipbin · 13/02/2016 15:44

If sugar highs are a myth, I have no idea what causes ds to behave like a different child after chocolate!

Because you never let him have it and he's so hyped up with excitement of having chocolate.

Lndnmummy · 13/02/2016 15:57

I will get flamed but i think it is terrible. When my ds gets a party bag with sweets at nursery he hands it to me without a whine "here you go mummy, its sweets in there foe when i get bigger". I swap them for a small bag of choclate buttons and keeps the rest in a jar chucking it out regularly. He has never had any sweets apart frm
Chocklate buttons which he is only allowed at parties. Kids should not eat sugar.