To be slightly annoyed that DD was left stranded at school

[GuiltyPleasure]

DD is 15. She attends her local school which is about 8 miles from where we live. School is about 2 miles from the town, where there are very infrequent transport links to our village, but in the car it's only about a 20 minute journey. (Need to set context so as not to drip feed). Today DD was with 4 friends at lunchtime, they were all looking at their phones.. See teacher approaching, group put phones away. Teacher sees them & confiscates DD's phone, but no-one else's (DD says this is because teacher knows her because she's in his teaching group, but doesn't know the others, not sure I entirely believe her version of events) & told her to collect from the main office at end of school. 5 minutes before end of lesson another child was given permission to leave early to return a borrowed school tie to the office. DD asks if she can leave early to go to the office as well & told no. DD goes to office at end of school to get phone, knowing she has 10 mins till the school bus leaves. Office staff tell her the phone isn't here it's in x room. DD goes to x room, told to go to y room. Staff in y room tell her to wait a couple of minutes. DD tells them she needs to catch the bus so please could she get her phone back. Buses pick up a couple of minutes walk from main school building. By this time the bus had already left. Staff didn't offer any assistance. There is no other way for her to get home given our/school location. Very distressed DD rings me, so I have to leave work early 40mins away to collect her. I want to be clear I have no issue whatsoever with the phone being confiscated. She broke the rules & faced the consequences of that, but DD told staff on several occasions that she was time limited because she had to catch the school bus & by the time she left they knew she had missed it. AIBU to speak to the school to say I'm unhappy about this? I'm sure the confiscation was in theory the lightest form of punishment, but I'd rather they'd given her a break/lunchtime detention, which is the normal punishment for "minor" infractions of the school rules.?

This is why I used to only confiscate phones during lessons and for that lesson only (rather than for the day as was supposed to). Someone will probably get a telling off now because a child wouldn't follow school rules.

Should add. When in a similar position that was my daughters choice. Wait or walk. It's not the school responsibility and most parents suggest their teens have phones just for that reason if they miss the bus.

In my DDs school they will phone you the child needs to pay 10p to use the phone.

And she chose to walk.

YABU

And she'd have had her phone confiscated when she got home as well.

There is no safeguarding issue with a 15 year old tooled up with a mobile phone walking 2 miles into town at 4pm in the afternoon. I would not be calling a parent in that position. I would have suggested she call you herself, but that's up to her.

I would have been nice about it, but it was a test in making the right choice. She mucked it up and no harm done so she'll perhaps do things differently next time. That's what being a teenager is all about.

She could have easily walked the 2 miles to town in that time

Depends on the roads/location. Round here, in the country, you don't walk on many of the lanes. No pavements, very bendy, very fast cars and extremely dangerous for pedestrians. And the footpaths are impassable in wet weather without boots.*

I went to a secondary school 8 miles away with a school bus that left 10 mins after the end of the school day. It was always made clear to me that if I missed the bus, I was walking home or using my pocket money to pay for the public bus home that went once an hour. There was no way my mum could have left work early to pick me up.

She should have prioritised the bus over the phone IMO or waited at school till you could have picked her up after work.

To everybody saying that she should have left her phone behind.......how many of YOU would leave your phone at work, not having any clue where it was, who had it etc. I bet no-one. I certainly wouldn't. And this is a teenager, we are talking about here.

The phone should not have been moved from the Office, to room x, then to room y. Ridiculous.

Op, YANBU. The school should never confiscate phones. If your DD had set off to walk the 2 miles in to Town, without her phone, and had been abducted, or fallen in to a ditch and broken her ankle - with no phone, how stupid is that?

And your DD didn't have her phone out in class - it was fecking LUNCH BREAK.

I'd be really cross. YANBU.

Ive got a really different opinion on this op,

Your DD was being unreasonable for handing her phone over in the first place.

I mean come on, all these comments about treating her like an adult but she can't get her phone out for 5 mins?
Where's the warning? "girls if I see those again ill have to take them til the end of the class."
Having her phone out for five seconds isn't going to make her grades crash and burn, she's 15 ffs not 5!

School shouldn't be taking their stuff like that, they should have contacted the parent and she would be dealt with accordingly.

I'll probably get flamed bit I still think its bs

I think it seems a bit unfair that the school had her dashing all over the place to find her phone and that caused her to miss her bus.

Yes she could have left it, but pretty sure not many people would have done that.

I think she obviously needed the punishment but that school need to be better organised so this doesn't happen. If it was me i would have a little chat to the school to say whilst I absolutely agree with removing her phone for the afternoon, the school needs to be more organised about where the children need to collect them from so that they don't miss the bus. If that had been my dd the school is only 2 miles away... But down a busy main road with no pavement so there is no way I would have wanted her walking home.

I think this is about learning that apparently minor infractions of sensible rules can lead to further consequences. It's an important lesson: that she needs to think through the consequences and take responsibility for her actions. At 15, this is a good learning moment for her.

[Goodness me, at 15, I lived down a mile of unsealed road, 5 miles from my school. I walked most days]

Dear god- Cant send a 15 year old to school without a phone?! How on earth did we all manage to survive without them before?!

Sorry, it's utter bollocks. If your kid uses a phone in school they should be punished. If that means walking 2 miles to the next town,then that's what they do. If that then means sitting about waiting for a bus, then tough.

Some parents are raising a generation of utterly ineffectual, indulged, entitled young people and its ridiculous!

Leave them alone to deal with this crap, parents stepping in to manage every dispute and falling out is making kids incapable of managing any sort of conflict, and will struggle in the workplace when mum can't sort it for them every time they don't like something! I am already seeing it in some of the uni placements that come to us, and its embarrassing to watch them flounce and kick up a fuss when something doesn't go their own way .

Speak for yourself, howthefreak, but I'm quite content in the knowledge that I'm raising well adjusted, responsible dcs. All four of them.

If I choose to decide that I'd like my teenager(s) to have their phones with them while they travel longish distances, partly because of their anxiety, that doesn't ill equip them for life, or mean they'll be phoning me when they're 45 because their boss disciplined them at work, and I resent that suggestion.

While they are at high school, it is my decision whether they have their phones travelling to and from school, and certainly not the school's.

I honestly think the school messed her about. They took her phone and made her go from room to room looking for it. That's lax. I know she's a child but it annoys me when children are treated with less respect than adults as though their feelings and possessions are less important.

Phones are brilliant pieces of kit for emergencies and for socialising. She shouldn't have broken the rules but I don't think the adults on this thread would like having their phone taken and (temporarily) lost.

Well I disagree, wherethefuck, being dependant on you and a bloody phone is not going to make confident, well adjusted adults!
2 miles is not a longish distance, it's a 30 minute walk, surely anyone can manage to walk 30 mins without checking in with someone?!

I work in an environment where phones are forbidden - so 12+ hours a day I have no phone. Doesn't bother me in the slightest. How are teenagers today going to cope with the realities of the real world if they can't be without a phone for one night?!

I don't see what all the wittering about roads and walking and school calling is about, still.

She missed the bus so she could get her phone. So she had her phone, called her mother, and got a lift.
So where is the problem? She wasn't without her phone, she wasn't stranded at school, she didn't have to walk anywhere at all. She got home easily and safely.
What is this thread actually about?

Why did he only single her out when all the girls had their phones out in class?

whatthe I get what you mean but having mobile phones gives them a bit more freedom, they can contact parents of something comes up or they are going to be late.

She got her phone out, its not a big deal, the school needs to lighten up. He could of at least taken all the girls phones and put them on his desk til end of lesson.

I would not have given a teacher my phone at that age, if they argued, I would tell them to get in touch with my parents, who would take care of it from there.

We cant teach kids to just blindly follow rules like that, especially if it causes trouble for them.

The trouble is, I have seen this entering the job market and it isn't pretty. I used to work somewhere that employed a lot of school / university leavers. Head office were getting very bored of parents phoning in on behalf of their adult child. Usually the same story. Xs manager has been mean to them / is bullying them / is treating them unfairly. When you got to the bottom of it with the manager it was usually a case of the manager simply 'managing' the staff member child by gasp expecting them to the job they were being paid to do in the manner in which they had been asked to do it. Nobody was being mean or bullying them, just simply asking them to turn up on time, clean, in uniform and to get on with their job without argument about every effing single little thing.

This wasn't every young team member I might add most were fabulous, but the number of selfish, workshy, entitled little darlings that were around is a worry.

I'm not accusing your DD of being like this OP, just stating how things seem to be going because young people are pandered to on a level that is laughable. It's onnly extreme cases now, but how long until this is the norm? And of course, they all know their rights!

It was lunchtime. They were probably not allowed out in school at all as was the rule when I last taught. Individual teachers don't make the rules about phones.

I can't believe how many posters are just saying tough luck its the rules to this.

Next time she misses the bus, tell her to wait in the library and get on with some work, until it is convenient for you to pick her up.

Dd is going to secondary this year and I fully expect her to get her phone confiscated at some stage. As a parent I will have to sign to get it back and I won't be rushing up to the school to do so, as a few days without it will clarify the situation for her. However, if she misses the bus I will expext the school to have a pastoral care plan for pupils to ensure they get home safely irrespective of the reason for missing the bus.

I caught the school bus or I walked the 4 miles home at that age and younger or 2 miles to out of town shopping place and pay for a bus from there which could only do if had cash on me.

My parents had one car one worked pt other full time and it was shared between them and they couldn't drop everything to pick us up even if pt one was around as often didn't have transport.

So I think getting her to walk 2 miles into town and either catch a bus or wait till you left work at the normal time would have taught a powerful lesson.

( average walking speed is 20 min per mile so it would be 40 minutes)

imagine the outrage if your employer confiscated your phone

I've worked in offices which were covered by the official secrets act and others which dealt with commercially sensitive data ( which previous employee had copies and given to next employer with resulting legal action) where it would have been an instant stackable offence and I don't know the legal position but I image they'd have wanted to at least check the phone contents for pictures.

After the big scandal in all the news of nursery workers have abused and taken picture of young children being abused at nursery - the children centre staff and nursery staff my children had weren't allowed to have their phones on them - it was made a disciplinary offence - they had to be checked in at reception which many of them didn't like but all complied with.

My 11 will have a phone when she gets to secondary so she can get in touch if delayed or stopping for something - I'd expect her to use it sensibly and not get it confiscated because it would be a pain - but if it was I'd still expect her to prioritise getting home on time.

I'd be telling her next time she misses the bus - it's up to her to work out how to get home or at least get to town and wait at a convenient point for a pick up.

I think my only query, although not well worded in my OP is what duty do the school have to make sure students are off the premises at the time expected. I know when she's scheduled to stay late I have to sign something to say how she's getting home.

E-mail the school and ask them for future reference - say that you agree with the phone being confiscated but missing the bus was a problem so want to understand the situation.

Pretty sure the parents in my village had to complain at times when teachers kept us village kids beyond the bell this meaning we missed the one school bus home - complaining meant the teachers were reminded some us had no other transport home so it wasn't on. Though in this case your DD decisions were the reason bus was missed so bit different.

YANBU. Going against the thread here, but I would NOT want my 15-year-old to set off on a deserted 2 mile walk, followed by a two-hour wait for a bus, without the security of a phone to call for help if needed.

It is a different world from when children walked miles to school - they knew what they were doing, they knew the route, they knew the people they passed - and the community knew them.

I would complain to the school, punishments should be proportionate, if the school is not responsible after school hours, then they have no right impacting on those hours. It does sound like a cock-up rather than intentional - I wouldn't go in guns blazing, but I would ask the school to get their act together - they should be aware of the potentially dangerous consequences of their incompetence.

But she would have had her phone if she walked.