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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel tricked and taken advantage of?

508 replies

OohMavis · 09/02/2016 14:28

I'm a cakemaker. Valentines is a busy time of the year, but last week DH's brother asked me to make a cake for his girlfriend, so him being family, I fit him in last minute with a discount, price was agreed last week.

He came to pick it up today but instead of paying me, he's told me to ask DH for the money, because DH borrowed it from him Angry and off he went with his cake.

I had no idea DH owed him money. It was for some tickets to a show they went to together which his brother bought on his card for convenience. DH just forgot about it.

AIBU to feel as though he's basically got a free cake out of me, and feel really bloody annoyed and tricked? I'm not going to be paid for the cake (our finances are completely joint, BIL knows this, it would be utterly pointless for DH to pay me). My time has been wasted. I turned down a paying order for him.

Just so angry!

OP posts:
flippinada · 09/02/2016 16:26

I'm honestly surprised that people think this is an ok way to behave because they're all quits money wise. Surely it's not about that?

  • BIL got the cake under false pretences. Why didn't he say to the OP, H owes me for those tickets, is it ok if I take this in lieu of the debt? Then it's all upfront and OP could have made the decision on that basis.
  • OP turned own a full paying customer to make this cake who could have become a longer term customer - that's a potential source of income lost for OP.
  • OP is running a business and providing a paid for service. It's not ok to procure a service with no intention of paying for it (actually, some might call it theft).

At the least, this was deceitful and it's clearly created bad feeling which could have been avoided if BIL had just been upfront in the first place.

3WiseWomen · 09/02/2016 16:26

Also the OP refused a 'real' order that would have brought 'real' money.

I think it was nice to try and fit him in at the last minute. But really cheecky to then not pay you.
Of course, your DH can 'pay' the OP's business but she still did the job at a discount price, in a rush, made an effort for him because he didn't plan ahead and his thanks is to say 'I'm not paying because my brother owes me moeny'. Really ?!?

The conclusion is to never treat family in any different way than you would a proper customer.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 09/02/2016 16:27

And the OP is running a business if she turns away orders chances are those people go elsewhere and don't come back so doing a favour for family at a busy time does "cost" the business.

DaggerEyes · 09/02/2016 16:28

If the bil had talked the op into working in his (fictional) shop, and promised a wage.....only to tell her to get her pay from her dh for a secret debt i doubt everyone would be so 'so what' about it. The bil has targeted her as a soft option to square his debt, rather than fucking asking his actual debtor!

Op, I'd invoice the bil for the actual price of the cake.

OnlyLovers · 09/02/2016 16:29

Grape, this has been said a few times now, but it was underhand because the method of payment WAS NOT DISCUSSED in advance.

Yes, it's logical and practical to use the cake to cancel out the debt. Logic and practicality are not the issue here; openness is.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 09/02/2016 16:29

YANBU.

DH and I have completely joint finances as well, but I would be put out if I was basically expected to do some work to cover the cost of it. That's up to him, it might make no sense to some but DH can find a fiver and give it to someone rather than me picking up the slack!

Original poster
OohMavis · 09/02/2016 16:30

The ticket was £40, so actually DH still owes him £10.

OP posts:
Grapejuicerocks · 09/02/2016 16:30

Well I don't think it reflects very well on the op if she picks and chooses when to do her family favours when there is no real financial implication for her. Either you like them enough to give them mates rates at a busy time or you don't.

SerenityReynolds · 09/02/2016 16:31

As I was trying to say, it's not so much the fact that anything would be massively different in terms of money in the account or whatever. It's the fact that the BIL unilaterally decided that the OP's cake would be used to cover the debt, without discussing with her/his DB at all whether that was their preferred method of repayment. Yes, the result is the same, but I think the fact that BIL didn't mention it to her until he was heading out of the door with the cake, shows he knows he was being a bit cheeky!

theycallmemellojello · 09/02/2016 16:31

What does DH say about all this?

theycallmemellojello · 09/02/2016 16:32

Also, what would you have said if he'd asked upfront if he could set off the debt?

rookiemere · 09/02/2016 16:32

Really DaggerEyes?

OP's DH owed the money, I hardly think the BIL targeted her as a soft option, that seems a bit of an exaggeration.

More likely he remembered oh yes MrMavis owes me 30 for those tickets, I know that cake comes to 30, couldn't be arsed going to the cashpoint, so the two will square each other off.

If pushed I will agree it's a tiny bit cheeky, but OP had the option to say that the cake business was separate from her DH's finances.

OP should never have agreed to make cake at cost price at busy time of year. That's the real error here.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 09/02/2016 16:33

Given that the normal value of the cake is £50 i would say he is definitely not owed a tenner. This sort of shit is why DH never does mates rates.

Grapejuicerocks · 09/02/2016 16:33

Does bil still expect that £10 or is he going to write it off? It doesn't really matter because that £10 is still owed regardless but it would be a nice gesture from bil to call it quits.

whatevva · 09/02/2016 16:34

The ticket was £40, so actually DH still owes him £10
and the cake was £60, actually.

The money may balance up, but the goodwill certainly doesn't. He could have just asked OP for the £30.

Original poster
OohMavis · 09/02/2016 16:35

OP should never have agreed to make cake at cost price at busy time of year. That's the real error here.

I completely agree

OP posts:
Grapejuicerocks · 09/02/2016 16:37

I agree that's the crux of it.

Original poster
OohMavis · 09/02/2016 16:37

Also, what would you have said if he'd asked upfront if he could set off the debt?

I'd have told him to speak to DH about it. I'd have most certainly taken a paying order instead.

OP posts:
OnlyLovers · 09/02/2016 16:37

Grape, it's not about financial implications, it's about open, up-front communication.

fascicle · 09/02/2016 16:39

OP you didn't know about the debt, but I'm just wondering if your bil had reminded your dh about it before?

whatevva · 09/02/2016 16:40

I would say that it is probably unwise to make cakes at mates rates when you are busy (lesson learned)

Unwise to make any cakes for BIL in the future, as he can't be trusted.

The money is not the main issue - more the breaking of trust.

Grapejuicerocks · 09/02/2016 16:40

And lots of people agree with me.

whatevva · 09/02/2016 16:41

Oh, and DH and BIL need to grow up and sort their communications out and keep you out of it.

hollyisalovelyname · 09/02/2016 16:42

Yab a little tiny bit unreasonable, although in your shoes I too would be annoyed.
You have a joint account.
Your dh owes his db money.
It wasn't very nice of your bil to get the money owed that way but now you're quits. Your dh should give you the money owed.
Does your dh have form for not paying back?
If it's all out of the one pot does it REALLY MATTER.

Inertia · 09/02/2016 16:42

If the cake was worth £60 then BIL has made a net gain of £20, not a £10 loss.

Simple answer is that you know you cannot trust your BIL. I would not be lending him any money again.

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