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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel tricked and taken advantage of?

508 replies

OohMavis · 09/02/2016 14:28

I'm a cakemaker. Valentines is a busy time of the year, but last week DH's brother asked me to make a cake for his girlfriend, so him being family, I fit him in last minute with a discount, price was agreed last week.

He came to pick it up today but instead of paying me, he's told me to ask DH for the money, because DH borrowed it from him Angry and off he went with his cake.

I had no idea DH owed him money. It was for some tickets to a show they went to together which his brother bought on his card for convenience. DH just forgot about it.

AIBU to feel as though he's basically got a free cake out of me, and feel really bloody annoyed and tricked? I'm not going to be paid for the cake (our finances are completely joint, BIL knows this, it would be utterly pointless for DH to pay me). My time has been wasted. I turned down a paying order for him.

Just so angry!

OP posts:
leelu66 · 09/02/2016 14:46

YANBU. He was very underhanded. Please never make a cake for him again.

People like him don't deserve home made cake. Let him go to Tesco.

Original poster
OohMavis · 09/02/2016 14:49

I have a separate account for my business but it's all transferred into our account afterwards. Just easier to keep my earnings separate. All money is 'our' money.

DH feels like a shit about it, but I'm still annoyed.

OP posts:
pinkcan · 09/02/2016 14:50

Yanbu. Sneaky twat. Next time he wants a cake, just say you don't have any more capacity.

pigsDOfly · 09/02/2016 14:50

Agree BIL was taking advantage.

OP's cake making business has nothing to with family finances surely. If he ordered a cake he should pay for it.

That would be the last cake I'd make for him unless I got the money up front. And no mates rates either.

PegsPigs · 09/02/2016 14:51

I agree it's not the 'well the result is the same' it's the 'actually that was an underhand sneaky thing to do' I would be annoyed he couldn't just ask rather than con me into making a cake at one of my busiest times of the year.

ridemesideways · 09/02/2016 14:51

DH should pay you the money to put through your books

fuzzywuzzy · 09/02/2016 14:54

Keep it in mind and don't take orders for cakes from him again. And if you do charge him full whack.

Headmelt · 09/02/2016 14:56

Yanbu. Your Bil is out of order and should have been upfront. The only reason he was dishonest, was because he knew you wouldn't agree to it unless he tricked you. The agreement to lend/borrow was with your Dh not you. If I were you op, I wouldn't get caught out again, it would be money upfront in future. I bet if they ever get married, they will expect you to make their wedding cake for nothing too. Your Dh should pay his own way too.

Lweji · 09/02/2016 14:56

OP can you explain how different it would be if:
BIL paid for the cake and your oh paid him what he owed.
You had done the other order instead and your oh paid his brother what he owed.
Or the BIL paid you and then you handed him the money on behalf of your OH.

Apart from the same money going more or less times back and forth.

Even if you kept your cake account separate surely it would have been just a matter of transferring it from the joint account.

It's the sort of thing my siblings and I would do easily and be thankful for making the whole thing more simple.

Storm in a tea cup for me.

NoSquirrels · 09/02/2016 14:59

Ooh. YANBU to be riled. That would boil my piss too.

Fair enough if above board but it wasn't something you agreed to.

£XX for the tickets was already spent. So a debt owed of £XX.

Cake cost agreed was £XX so neutral in effect.

But you have "lost" £YY in revenue you could have earned, so you whatever the difference between £YY and £XX is you have lost. Plus, presumably opportunity cost - what if the person you turned down likes whoever they used instead and decides to go with them next time? Future revenue affected.

I would get DH to point out to his brother that even though it seems to stack up monetarily to him, it actually wasn't on to involve you in a debt HE owed. That you'd rather have paid the money back in cash, for quite a lot of reasons. So it doesn't ever happen again.

Of course your DH should have paid the money back before now, but doesn't sound malicious, just an oversight.

ValiantMouse · 09/02/2016 14:59

The thing is, Lweji, the op turned down a paying offer to work for money she already had.

I'd be steaming.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 09/02/2016 14:59

I honestly can't see the problem. I am trying though as I'm confused that so many can. What am I missing?

You agree to make a cake for BIL
You make cake for BIL
BIL pays for cake (via your DH)

How is it your BIL's fault that your DH owed him money?
How has your BIL got a free cake?
Surely this way is simpler, rather than:

You agree to make a cake for BIL
You make cake for BIL
BIL asks DH for money owed
DH gives BIL money owed
BIL gives this money to you

Kingfisherfree · 09/02/2016 15:02

YANBU what a prat. You could have taken a paying order and made the difference on the discount. He owes you the difference and I would ask for it back.

NoSquirrels · 09/02/2016 15:04

At a really really basic level, it's not on because BIL arbitrarily decided OP should pay for a debt his brother owed.

I can't just decide that because my dad made an agreement with me about borrowing a tenner that my mum should pay me back. Regardless of joint bank accounts, you settle the debts with the people who owe them!

If OP had agreed upfront, no issue.

ShmooBooMoo · 09/02/2016 15:05

But now your DH doesn't have to pay him back out of your shared finances?

GloriousGoosebumps · 09/02/2016 15:05

I can understand why you feel aggrieved. Was one of the tickets purchased for you?

Never the less, I hate people who don't pay their debts so I say kudos to your Bil for taking steps to get his money back. I wonder how many times he had to ask for repayment before taking this step?

As for your DH, it will be a timely reminder that he should pay his debts. Your Bil has probably had a lifetime of your DH conveniently forgetting his debts.

theycallmemellojello · 09/02/2016 15:05

Can you not get the money off your DH? If your DH won't pay then you are within your rights to get BIL to pay you and chase DH himself. However, if it came to that I'd be more worried about why your DH won't pay. Still, I don't see why he's been devious - he suggested a mode of payment that probably seemed fair enough to him, OP could have said no.

dustarr73 · 09/02/2016 15:05

Well no more mates rates and i would have him pay upfront.Thats very underhanded thing to do.The 2 things are totally separate.What your dp owes him has nothing to do with you making a cake,especially as you charge them less.

Alienora · 09/02/2016 15:06

I think it was a little underhand. He ought to have checked this was ok with you when placing the order.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 09/02/2016 15:06

Your finances are joint. Your Husband owed his brother money. I can't see the problem here. Even if you'd taken a 'paying' order the money you made from that should have gone back to BIL anyway...

Lweji · 09/02/2016 15:06

The thing is, Lweji, the op turned down a paying offer to work for money she already had.

She didn't have it. As a couple who shares finances they owed it. So never had it
They were -40, now they are 0.
With a paying order, they were still -40 and would be now something like +10 (for the discount).

DoreenLethal · 09/02/2016 15:07

Send him a letter before action; this is a business and the accounts need to be kept separate.

Lweji · 09/02/2016 15:08

It's in threads like this that one can fully understand how bad some people are at maths.

Inertia · 09/02/2016 15:08

You have lost money if the order that you turned down was of greater value than what DH owed BIL.

Say DH owed £20. You make BIL's cake at a cost price of £20.

However, you could have made £30 profit (say) on the paying order cake, and paid BIL £20 from that, so you've lost out on a tenner and a potential future customer.

I'd be annoyed at the underhand tactics, and at DH for not paying his debts. Certainly wouldn't do BIL any favours.

theycallmemellojello · 09/02/2016 15:08

Also, if your finances are joint then you owed money too? (Since the money was owed from the joint account.) If this is the case, then I'm not clear on why you think you've been screwed over - you would have had to pay the money back anyway. Would it have been any better if he'd handed over the money and then said, oh but DH owes me X amount, and then you'd handed it back?

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