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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to send this saucy Valentine poem anonymously?

428 replies

dahlink · 09/02/2016 10:57

I have a crush on a colleague. His contract with my employer is due to end of the end of the month (he's a free lancer) and this is the last chance kind of thing.
Background: I have children and no desire for a relationship. He is long term single, no kids. We flirt a bit when we work together, he tends to make silly little innuendoes but I never see him with other women so don't know if it's just his way. I ended my relationship with my ex dp a few months ago, hoping he might make a move but nothing.
So, would it be really inappropriate to send this?! We do joke a lot about sex etc so it wouldn't make him blush. The only thing I worry is that he'll be grossed out because maybe he doesn't find me attractive?
So, here's the poem-it's to go in a jokey card that says, "I have naughty thoughts about you" on the front....

Don't wanna look a fool,
Don't want to make things weird,
But I think it would be cool,
To rub my rude bits on your beard.

Don't wanna make a blunder,
Don't wanna look silly,
But sometimes I wonder,
"Are you flirting with me?"

Don't wanna be your wife,
Or even get to know you,
Don't need you in my life,
I just wanna blow you.

Don't want no wedding rice,
Don't wanna meet your Mum,
But maybe once or twice,
I'd love to make you cum.

Whether you think I'm sexy or not,
I still hope this makes you smile,
Cos it's good to be told you're hot,
Every once in a while.

So if you want to play,
And if I make you hard,
Next time you see me say,
"I really liked your card!"

Is it too much?! And how does it scan? Grin

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
Binders1 · 09/02/2016 16:56

A vote for Classics!

Purplepicnic · 09/02/2016 17:01

helpfulchap Grin

How would the average chap react to receiving this do you think?

Arfarfanarf · 09/02/2016 17:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CheersMedea · 09/02/2016 17:24

I am a desperate old trout
Of that there is really no doubt.
Rather than tell you (I'd brick it)
I thought a verse just the ticket
But I hadn't quite thought it out.

I carefully crafted my rhyme
One crude vulgar line at a time
On Mumsnet I put it for views
But that was really bad news
My valentines ditty
Was ruled utterly shitty
So I'll have to just self-abuse.

ghostyslovesheep · 09/02/2016 17:46

Today's your lucky day
I'm offering you a lay
You don't even have to talk to me
Hip Hip Hip Hooray

and they say romance is dead

needless to say DON'T DO IT!

usual · 09/02/2016 17:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PelvicFloorClenchReminder · 09/02/2016 18:00

On dear lord

😱

AndYourBirdCanSing · 09/02/2016 18:00

Ha Usual! Grin

JacobFryesTopHatLackey · 09/02/2016 18:05

It reminds me of Baldricks war poetry.

Needless to say, don't do it OP.

BlueJug · 09/02/2016 18:06

Sexual harassment. If any woman got that in an office there would be serious questions asked. I am an oldie and love a bit of workplace flirting but this is really offensive.

AliceThrewTheFookingGlass · 09/02/2016 18:09

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm sorry to say this
But I'm into cock too

FlatOnTheHill · 09/02/2016 18:09

Omg please dont send this OP. Its just awful.
Made my minge cringe just reading it Confused

fastdaytears · 09/02/2016 18:10

Saucy? I would LOVE to see what you would consider to be explicit poetry.

Just ask him for a drink. He might say yes he might say no, but you won't be sacked and you're a whole lot more likely to have the opportunity to rub yourself on his beard that way.

I actually liked beards until this thread.

ManneryTowers · 09/02/2016 18:11

Ow to rubbing a beard in my bits.
Don't do it OP. Unless you want to be in the Daily Mail next to a headline about 'hilarious viral love note'

CrystalMcPistol · 09/02/2016 18:13

He might say yes he might say no, but you won't be sacked

Or put on a register....

FlatOnTheHill · 09/02/2016 18:13

Ive just got visions of you rubbing your fanny on his crusty beard. I cant bare it Blush

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 09/02/2016 18:13

Don't do it OP. Unless you want to be in the Daily Mail next to a headline about 'hilarious viral love note'

This is tomorrow's Daily Mail cover. They'll love it.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/02/2016 18:14

Sending anything anonymously (apart from huge charity donations) is creepy as fuck but that poem is fucking rank.

gunting · 09/02/2016 18:21

I showed this to dp and he said he would love it Hmm

RattusRattus · 09/02/2016 18:28

OMG - do adults actually really communicate with each other like this in real life?

molyholy · 09/02/2016 18:28

Please do not send it. It is horrid. You may as well just write in a card

I WANT YOU TO STICK YOUR DICK IN MY FANNY. OR I WILL SUCK YOU OFF, WHATEVS. I DON'T MIND.

That poem is not coy, cute or funny. It's vulgar.

CremeBrulee · 09/02/2016 18:33

Ha ha ha ha - this cannot be serious! That 'poem' is both revolting and disturbing. It would put him off forever and you would have to get a new job after news of it got out.

Surely asking this man outright if he would like to go out for drink sometime would be far less embarrassing?

mmmmmmmmmmcake · 09/02/2016 18:34

WANT YOU TO STICK YOUR DICK IN MY FANNY. OR I WILL SUCK YOU OFF, WHATEVS. I DON'T MIND.
^ what a coincidence I just wrote that in a Valentine's card for my husband . . .

TitClash · 09/02/2016 18:36

Please tell me this is a joke. Its a joke, right?
Creepy, weird, stalkerish, inappropriate and offensive are just some of the adjectives that come to mind.

CheersMedea Genius, I am fucking crying with laughter Grin

ClashCityRocker · 09/02/2016 18:51

A haiku would be classier:

My rude bits glisten
Let me moisten your beard
Ouch that prickles