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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to send this saucy Valentine poem anonymously?

428 replies

dahlink · 09/02/2016 10:57

I have a crush on a colleague. His contract with my employer is due to end of the end of the month (he's a free lancer) and this is the last chance kind of thing.
Background: I have children and no desire for a relationship. He is long term single, no kids. We flirt a bit when we work together, he tends to make silly little innuendoes but I never see him with other women so don't know if it's just his way. I ended my relationship with my ex dp a few months ago, hoping he might make a move but nothing.
So, would it be really inappropriate to send this?! We do joke a lot about sex etc so it wouldn't make him blush. The only thing I worry is that he'll be grossed out because maybe he doesn't find me attractive?
So, here's the poem-it's to go in a jokey card that says, "I have naughty thoughts about you" on the front....

Don't wanna look a fool,
Don't want to make things weird,
But I think it would be cool,
To rub my rude bits on your beard.

Don't wanna make a blunder,
Don't wanna look silly,
But sometimes I wonder,
"Are you flirting with me?"

Don't wanna be your wife,
Or even get to know you,
Don't need you in my life,
I just wanna blow you.

Don't want no wedding rice,
Don't wanna meet your Mum,
But maybe once or twice,
I'd love to make you cum.

Whether you think I'm sexy or not,
I still hope this makes you smile,
Cos it's good to be told you're hot,
Every once in a while.

So if you want to play,
And if I make you hard,
Next time you see me say,
"I really liked your card!"

Is it too much?! And how does it scan? Grin

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
LittleLionMansMummy · 09/02/2016 15:02

[Takes a bow] at MTPurse and toffeeboffin

I am thankful to the op for re-awakening my more creative side.

I'd love to see some other creative replies.

LittleLionMansMummy · 09/02/2016 15:06

No, Lois, we are doing the op a huge favour - imagine the humiliation! It would have been cruel not to have pointed out so unanimously what a monumental mistake sending this poem would be.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 09/02/2016 15:16

True, littlelion I'm just picturing the poor op crying into her novelty chocolate knickers.

remembermewhen · 09/02/2016 15:18

Hahahaha

I think I just peed a little bit.

"Novelty chocolate knickers"

DawnOfTheDoggers · 09/02/2016 15:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gunting · 09/02/2016 15:20

I was completely feeling the op and the idea of the poem. I thought it was sweet and a bit twee like valentines is.

Unfortunately I arrived at verse 1 line 4.

HackerFucker22 · 09/02/2016 15:21

Moonpig him a card with your fanny on the front (I'd leave the poem out and maybe just initial the card!!)

It will be far more subtle and classy Grin

Owllady · 09/02/2016 15:22

I am really depressed today and haven't got dressed but my God, you've even made me laugh :o
I'm crying at are you vogon? :o :o :o

I'm glad you didn't send that card,
It would make you look quite silly,
But thanks for giving us all a laugh,
It would have made his Willy chilly

LittleLionMansMummy · 09/02/2016 15:26

Love it Dawn Grin

OhShutUpThomas · 09/02/2016 15:27

Come back OP! What have you decided?

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 09/02/2016 15:35

It would be beyond inappropriate, possibly career suicide too. Besides which it's utterly cringeworthy.

gymboywalton · 09/02/2016 15:40

to my foxy colleague
with the stubbly beard
you really must have noticed
how much that i have leered

over your winning charms,
and have flirted wildly
in a way which could be described
as creepy to put it mildly.

i'm keen on no strings sex
without any reason to speak
and using your beard as a wet wipe
to mop up when i leak

BaldricksTurnip · 09/02/2016 16:03

Howling at 'Moonpig him with a picture of your fanny on the front'. I'd leave the poem inside the card though, for the complete experience.

remembermewhen · 09/02/2016 16:04

Mop me up when I leak.
Where does one go from there ...?

Absentmindedwoman · 09/02/2016 16:09

So bad it's genius. Amazing Grin

Pannn · 09/02/2016 16:18

I think I'm too young for this thread.

memyselfandaye · 09/02/2016 16:20

It's fucking hilarious OP

However, the words Mum and cum should never ever be seen or heard in the same poem/story/sentence/paragraph EVER. Grin

Seriously though, I do think it's funny but don't send it, you still have to work there and he could end up with another temp contract in the future and it could be awkward if he figured out it was from you.

Send him an email before he leaves, just to let him know you want to keep in touch.

TempusEedjit · 09/02/2016 16:29

Roses are red
Violets are blue
She rubbed the wrong rude bit on his beard
And covered it in poo

gunting · 09/02/2016 16:32

Tempus waaahahahaha

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 09/02/2016 16:42
Shock
toffeeboffin · 09/02/2016 16:45

You lot are just too much.

Too much, I tell you! Grin

Seriouslyffs · 09/02/2016 16:48

Pannn I feel very very old.

BreakingDad77 · 09/02/2016 16:52

Don't send it lol

Just wait for goodbye drinks, and make a proper pass at him.

DeepThought · 09/02/2016 16:53

"Are you Vogon"

I am DYING

Binders1 · 09/02/2016 16:55

Oh, this is just too much... I can't breathe.... GrinGrinGrin