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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to send this saucy Valentine poem anonymously?

428 replies

dahlink · 09/02/2016 10:57

I have a crush on a colleague. His contract with my employer is due to end of the end of the month (he's a free lancer) and this is the last chance kind of thing.
Background: I have children and no desire for a relationship. He is long term single, no kids. We flirt a bit when we work together, he tends to make silly little innuendoes but I never see him with other women so don't know if it's just his way. I ended my relationship with my ex dp a few months ago, hoping he might make a move but nothing.
So, would it be really inappropriate to send this?! We do joke a lot about sex etc so it wouldn't make him blush. The only thing I worry is that he'll be grossed out because maybe he doesn't find me attractive?
So, here's the poem-it's to go in a jokey card that says, "I have naughty thoughts about you" on the front....

Don't wanna look a fool,
Don't want to make things weird,
But I think it would be cool,
To rub my rude bits on your beard.

Don't wanna make a blunder,
Don't wanna look silly,
But sometimes I wonder,
"Are you flirting with me?"

Don't wanna be your wife,
Or even get to know you,
Don't need you in my life,
I just wanna blow you.

Don't want no wedding rice,
Don't wanna meet your Mum,
But maybe once or twice,
I'd love to make you cum.

Whether you think I'm sexy or not,
I still hope this makes you smile,
Cos it's good to be told you're hot,
Every once in a while.

So if you want to play,
And if I make you hard,
Next time you see me say,
"I really liked your card!"

Is it too much?! And how does it scan? Grin

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
Ohwoolballs · 09/02/2016 18:53

ClashCityRocker fuck card writing, get a Pulitzer Poetry prize. Or poet laureate at the very least. 😬

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 09/02/2016 18:55

Well it's now 18.52 and I still haven't managed to get the beard rubbing foof image out of my mind.
Confused

OTheHugeManatee · 09/02/2016 19:00

Sorry, haven't RTFT but can I suggest you amend verse 2 to

Don't wanna make a blunder,
Don't wanna look silly,
But sometimes I wonder,
"Could I please sit on your willy?"

PS don't send the poem. Really don't Shock

HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom · 09/02/2016 19:01

Clash that's ok, but holy's in the form of a haiku absolutely rocks.

I really do hope op returns however. I wrote a kind response, because I suspect she's not quite herself and needs to know that this kind of lunacy can happen to the best of us.

Blu · 09/02/2016 19:05

Teensy clue about where you work OP?

In case you are one of my staff?

I would need to prepare.

jonquil1 · 09/02/2016 19:08

The children! Will nobody think of the children?!

Mine have just come into the kitchen, asking me why I'm cryingShock

Told them I was crying with laughter, real proper gulping tears, needed use of my inhaler

I had to explain that I'd read of someone who went into the washrooms at lunchtime and shaved off his beardGrin

Now DS wants to know what sort of beard it was.

OP, help me out here. Please?! ..BlushGrin.

Owllady · 09/02/2016 19:09

My husband is finishing at his work the end of the month and he has a beard

MooPointCowsOpinion · 09/02/2016 19:10

Oh lord no no no.

Just ask him for a drink and jump him like a normal person.

HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom · 09/02/2016 19:12

Shock Owl!!!!!

Op said he's single. But if he returns home clean shaven, you'll know that he's been faithful Grin

jonquil1 · 09/02/2016 19:12

Just now on the archers... A man says "can I interest you in my Valentine's Day package?"

Started me off again Grin

daisychain01 · 09/02/2016 19:15
Envy
TiggyD · 09/02/2016 19:19

Try this poem I found on the great new poetry blog Poems By Tiggy

You might have realised
That today is Valentine's day
So I'm sending you this card
In a non-harassing way.

I'm not getting you flowers delivered,
Or decorating your car.
I won't serenade you at the office
So please don't involve HR.

I won't give you naughty undies
With a back like dental floss,
Or anything to do with chests.
There's no need to tell the boss.

All I want to do is inform you
In a thoroughly professional way,
That you and I should maybe date
Or I'll tell everyone you're gay.

TheNormalOne · 09/02/2016 19:19

PLEASE send it and report back. Wink

Shirkingfromhome · 09/02/2016 19:20

ClashCityRocker bloody brilliant Grin

Arkhamasylum · 09/02/2016 19:24

You could set it to heavy rock music. The video would have the colleague kneeling to propose in front of the OP. She would throw the ring away, grab his ears and mash his face in her fanny. Call it 'Valentine Sex Pest'.

LaContessaDiPlump · 09/02/2016 19:25

Oh Tiggy, please tell me that is your blog. I love the cow one!

TiggyD · 09/02/2016 19:29

It is LaCont. Book offers welcome.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 09/02/2016 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom · 09/02/2016 19:33

^you and I should maybe date
Or I'll tell everyone you're gay^

Zariyah · 09/02/2016 19:36

Tiggy Grin Grin

tigermoth · 09/02/2016 19:39

I thought the poem it was breath of fresh air. It's those standard manufactured and cliched valentine card poems and jokes that make me cringe.

I personally at my place of work would never send that poem, but OP you know your man. If you really and truly think he will take it in the right spirit then send it.

ClashCityRocker · 09/02/2016 19:49

I'm feeling Sad that OP hasn't come back...I hope we haven't upset her.

Tiggy I love your poems!

loopsylala · 09/02/2016 19:55

its a total wind up

But fucking hilarious

FitzChivarly · 09/02/2016 20:31

Tiggy just been reading your poems, they're great.

TiggyD · 09/02/2016 20:45

Thank you.

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