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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to send this saucy Valentine poem anonymously?

428 replies

dahlink · 09/02/2016 10:57

I have a crush on a colleague. His contract with my employer is due to end of the end of the month (he's a free lancer) and this is the last chance kind of thing.
Background: I have children and no desire for a relationship. He is long term single, no kids. We flirt a bit when we work together, he tends to make silly little innuendoes but I never see him with other women so don't know if it's just his way. I ended my relationship with my ex dp a few months ago, hoping he might make a move but nothing.
So, would it be really inappropriate to send this?! We do joke a lot about sex etc so it wouldn't make him blush. The only thing I worry is that he'll be grossed out because maybe he doesn't find me attractive?
So, here's the poem-it's to go in a jokey card that says, "I have naughty thoughts about you" on the front....

Don't wanna look a fool,
Don't want to make things weird,
But I think it would be cool,
To rub my rude bits on your beard.

Don't wanna make a blunder,
Don't wanna look silly,
But sometimes I wonder,
"Are you flirting with me?"

Don't wanna be your wife,
Or even get to know you,
Don't need you in my life,
I just wanna blow you.

Don't want no wedding rice,
Don't wanna meet your Mum,
But maybe once or twice,
I'd love to make you cum.

Whether you think I'm sexy or not,
I still hope this makes you smile,
Cos it's good to be told you're hot,
Every once in a while.

So if you want to play,
And if I make you hard,
Next time you see me say,
"I really liked your card!"

Is it too much?! And how does it scan? Grin

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
deregistered · 09/02/2016 13:24

Omg crying at him rushing to the loos to shave his beard off! Grin

Dammyjoder · 09/02/2016 13:25

Why the hell would you send that? Its pretty degrading for you, you might aswell just jump on him.

RudeElf · 09/02/2016 13:30

Well i think you should send it. Sometimes we only learn the true extent of the wrongness through the natural consequences of the action.

So go for it. And live post the response.

LittleLionMansMummy · 09/02/2016 13:31

Be careful of his reply op:

If you want to sit on my beardy face
You're in for a serious shock
For underneath my underwear
There's a vag instead of a cock

Your poem really made me think
About what sort of person you are
And I quickly formed the opinion
You're better off admiring from afar.

SalemSaberhagen · 09/02/2016 13:32

I am laughing out loud on a packed bus at him shaving his beard off. That horrible, shoulder shaking laughter that keeps coming out as a repressed snort.

DAMN YOU MUMSNET.

CottonFrock · 09/02/2016 13:41

What if he doesn't only approach bosomy Susan from accounts but wiry Brian from IT too? Grin

It's true, there's something wonderfully non-specific and six year old about 'rude bits'. The photocopying room might be very busy indeed.

Binders1 · 09/02/2016 13:45

This has made my day.

Thank you OP and thank you everyone else! GrinGrinGrin[grin[

Binders1 · 09/02/2016 13:46

Damn it fourth grin fail!

TaraCarter · 09/02/2016 13:49

Well done OP! You've overcome the petty restrictions of biology and proven that women can equal men in every field, even the specialism of accidentally grotesque romantic overtures. In fact, you've beaten the male competitors' previous submission of cock pics by a significant margin here!

Star
LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 09/02/2016 14:08

Is the op coming back? Or is she too busy clearing out her desk....

Toxicity · 09/02/2016 14:10

This thread has cheered my day right up!

to send this saucy Valentine poem anonymously?
DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings · 09/02/2016 14:17

Thank fuck Mumsnet was created or people could actually be sending each other this type of thing unchecked!

Costacoffeeplease · 09/02/2016 14:19

Oh but think of the ensuing hilarity - don't you think it's mean that only mners get to enjoy it Smile

pinkcan · 09/02/2016 14:26

It's fucking brilliant Grin

stealtheatingtunnocks · 09/02/2016 14:29

Vogon.

Arf.

maras2 · 09/02/2016 14:38

Holy God! That's not saucy that's fecking disgusting. < boak >

MTPurse · 09/02/2016 14:42

LittleLionMansMummy

Grin Grin Grin

toffeeboffin · 09/02/2016 14:44

'There's a vag instead of a cock'

Howling at this, Little

glasgowlass · 09/02/2016 14:50

The whole of MN having the same reaction is rare enough so please do not send that poem!
Just ask him out OP. Whats the worst that could happen? If you do send that poem though I'd imagine the worst that could happen would be drastically different...

to send this saucy Valentine poem anonymously?
PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 09/02/2016 14:52

Oh dear...

I don't think it's even saucy, I feel saucy should leave at least something to the imagination. I don't even need to imagine with that - I've been told in great detail!

wonkylampshade · 09/02/2016 14:54

OP's crush might love it! You rotten lot.

OP, you've got bigger balls than I have if you send it though! Grin

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 09/02/2016 14:56

Actually, there could be an amusing follow-up Grin

I'm sorry about the card I sent,
That gave you such a shock,
And away from the company you went,
But I still want to see your cock.

Iwonderif · 09/02/2016 14:57

Please please do not send this.

Just make it known you fancy him! Casually mention about it being a pity he's leaving and you never got to have a drink together.

If he doesn't respond to obvious flirting he's possibly not arsed, he knows youre single. He just may not fancy you (sorry) but just loves the banter.

If you flirt like mad & he hasn't made a move yet I would give up!

Do not send that poem. You'll be the laughing stock.

HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom · 09/02/2016 14:58

OP I'm being absolutely serious here. You won't be the first person to have had their head turned by a colleague, and risk making a bit of a tit of themselves as I did
Assuming you did indeed end your relationship because of this crush, and we've not misread you, I'd suggest it's possible that the infatuation is a symptom of it not having been a great relationship in the first place. You've focused on this man and his beard, and the fact he's about to go gives the whole situation a sense of urgency.

DO NOT send that card however. Don't send any card in fact. Before he leaves, give him your mobile number and tell him to give you a call if he fancies going out for a drink. Sign up to PoF maybe, have a couple of dates with new people or just have a look to see what's out there - you never know, you might get lucky. Take the pressure and focus away from Beardy Man.

I say this all as kindly as possible, because I've been in a similar position (minus the poem - although in all honesty I think the way I behaved - like a 15yo - was potentially even more embarrassing).

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 09/02/2016 15:02

I've read over the op again, I think she's actually serious.Sad Come back! We're sorry! Aren't we everyone?

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