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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to send this saucy Valentine poem anonymously?

428 replies

dahlink · 09/02/2016 10:57

I have a crush on a colleague. His contract with my employer is due to end of the end of the month (he's a free lancer) and this is the last chance kind of thing.
Background: I have children and no desire for a relationship. He is long term single, no kids. We flirt a bit when we work together, he tends to make silly little innuendoes but I never see him with other women so don't know if it's just his way. I ended my relationship with my ex dp a few months ago, hoping he might make a move but nothing.
So, would it be really inappropriate to send this?! We do joke a lot about sex etc so it wouldn't make him blush. The only thing I worry is that he'll be grossed out because maybe he doesn't find me attractive?
So, here's the poem-it's to go in a jokey card that says, "I have naughty thoughts about you" on the front....

Don't wanna look a fool,
Don't want to make things weird,
But I think it would be cool,
To rub my rude bits on your beard.

Don't wanna make a blunder,
Don't wanna look silly,
But sometimes I wonder,
"Are you flirting with me?"

Don't wanna be your wife,
Or even get to know you,
Don't need you in my life,
I just wanna blow you.

Don't want no wedding rice,
Don't wanna meet your Mum,
But maybe once or twice,
I'd love to make you cum.

Whether you think I'm sexy or not,
I still hope this makes you smile,
Cos it's good to be told you're hot,
Every once in a while.

So if you want to play,
And if I make you hard,
Next time you see me say,
"I really liked your card!"

Is it too much?! And how does it scan? Grin

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
acasualobserver · 09/02/2016 20:54

...you and I should maybe date
Or I'll tell everyone you're gay.

Naff. Don't, as they say, give up your day job.

Flashbangandgone · 09/02/2016 21:11

I'm not saying it'd be a wise thing to send, but really, I really can't imagine any man pressing sexual harassment charges.

If he wants to shag her, he won't care one bit about the 'quality' of the poem and the op will get the result she's looking for

If he genuinely likes her and wants a relationship, he'll be disappointed... But that disapppointment won't stop him from shagging her anyway in the hope he can win her round.

If he doesn't fancy her, he'll have a good laugh and show his mates, feeling chuffed that someone wants to sit on his beard

What he won't do is press sexual harassment charges...

fastdaytears · 09/02/2016 21:14

Really? I know men who would feel really uncomfortable receiving that. Maybe they wouldn't press charges I don't know but they wouldn't be chuffed at allz

fastdaytears · 09/02/2016 21:14

Bonus z there.

PurpleDaisies · 09/02/2016 21:15

What he won't do is press sexual harassment charges...

You know this how? Confused

Bluewombler2k · 09/02/2016 21:15

I'd buy you some naice ham
And shove it up your bum
But remember to use the penis beaker
After you cum

Flashbangandgone · 09/02/2016 21:16

Actually, I was wrong above... If he doesn't fancy her, he'd probably still shag her as there are clearly no strings attached.... Lacking in class as it is, the Op's probably onto a winner with it!

FithColumnist · 09/02/2016 21:17

Good grief no. That is some dreadful poetry.

scarednoob · 09/02/2016 21:17

This is one of the funniest threads I've ever seen. Brilliant.

Flashbangandgone · 09/02/2016 21:20

What he won't do is press sexual harassment charges... You know this how?

Men at from Mars. Women are from Venus...
Find me a man who would actually raise a sexual harrassment grievance at receiving this and I would be astonished!

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 09/02/2016 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flashbangandgone · 09/02/2016 21:32

Even if he didn't press charges he could still make a serious complaint to their manager

Or that... 99+% of men just wouldn't do that... They would find either find it a turn-on or funny... Ok, they might find it weird but not in a way that would they'd complain about.

Take a women walking through town on a Saturday night.... A group of lads call 'go on give us a shag', The girl would rightly feel harassed and unnerved.... Turn the tables and a group of women shouted to a man alone 'go on give a shag' that man would feel more chuffed than harassed, and he'd go home feeling good about himself that he got that reaction! It's the same here.... Women and men treat this kind of stuff very differently.

ClashCityRocker · 09/02/2016 21:37

If that came out at my work she'd get sacked regardless of whether he made a complaint or not, it would be gross misconduct.

I also think the gross generalisation of how men would react is unfair. Granted, in this case op has said there has been flirting and sexual banter so it is less likely but I certainly know in my own office there have been cases of unwanted advances where the male has raised a grievance.

Flashbangandgone · 09/02/2016 21:48

I also think the gross generalisation of how men would react is unfair.

I can see how you might think that, but to those who think a man would be likely to respond to this by taking it to HR, don't really know men very deeply imo.

HelpfulChap · 09/02/2016 21:51

That Mumsnet crew are on my case
They hate my poem, put me in my place
But my love for you is no disgrace
So I'm gonna drop my lace
And sit on your face

BitchSlapBingBunny · 09/02/2016 21:52

Nice little boxes you have there flash, very tidy Hmm

kennyp · 09/02/2016 21:54

to be honest i couldn't read past the 2nd verse. my toes were starting to curl, literally.

get yourself some new batteries as a consolation valentine's present. i am so helpful

Flashbangandgone · 09/02/2016 21:55

But it's true! Find me a single man who'd take this kind of letter to HR and I'd eat every hat in a 10 mile radius!

Shutthatdoor · 09/02/2016 21:57

I can see how you might think that, but to those who think a man would be likely to respond to this by taking it to HR, don't really know men very deeply imo.

Absolute rubbish!

You know all men do you?

you obviously don't know the man where I work who did complain about some thing like this

Flashbangandgone · 09/02/2016 22:02

Absolute rubbish!

Find me a man who would and I'll reconsider... The vast majority of men wouldn't do this, period.

Shutthatdoor · 09/02/2016 22:03

Find me a man who would and I'll reconsider

If you actually read my post you will see one

Flashbangandgone · 09/02/2016 22:03

And you just did -sorry - but i don't imagine for a second it was for a x-rated Valentine's card!

Nottodaythankyouorever · 09/02/2016 22:05

Just because men may or may not report it it doesn't mean it's right.

Completely inappropriate and cras.

Flashbangandgone · 09/02/2016 22:10

Just because men may or may not report it it doesn't mean it's right. Completely inappropriate and crass

Totally agree... My point wasn't that it wasn't inappropriate or crass, just that the vast majority of men wouldn't think of reporting a one-off crude valentines card like this in a million years! There are, and will be, other more serious forms of harrassment that men would (and should) report.

PuntasticUsername · 09/02/2016 22:10

I think Flash actually has a point - I think a lot of men WOULD be reluctant to take something like this to HR, because they might worry that that wouldn't be seen as a very "manly" way to deal with the situation.

Which only goes to prove that the patriarchy, with its rigidly defined gender roles for men as well as women, sucks ass. It doesn't mean you can send something like this to a man and reasonably expect him to be fine with it.

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