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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Make up, boob job, internal dilemma and explaining it all to DD

104 replies

Ploppymoodypants · 07/02/2016 20:28

Hello, probably wrong section but posting here for traffic. I am currently having an internal dilemma I can't sort out in my head. I identify as a feminist and also believe that being a feminist means that other women can make their own choices, so my dilemma is in no way about judging others. Anyway I usually wear make up (not a lot, tinted moisturiser and mascara) and like to make an effort for nice occasions with clothes, but am equally comfortable slobbing around on the farm knee deep in muck. I am firmly of the opinion that people's self worth should not be attributed to how good looking they are. However I am really struggling to answer my DD (3) when she asks why I wear make up, without giving the message that what you look like is important... Additionally since children my boobs have shrunk to non existent and I would quite like a boob job but again how do I explain that to DD without giving a message that we must have sexy boobs to please our men/be valued? Am I over thinking it? Any advice would be helpful. Thank you

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 07/02/2016 20:30

She's 3. You are overthinking it.

I don't consider breast augmentation to be a feminist choice though. Others may disagree.

gunting · 07/02/2016 20:31

She's 3? I think you're probably reading too much into it

GloGirl · 07/02/2016 20:33

"I like the colours. I think it looks nice."

ghostyslovesheep · 07/02/2016 20:35

question 1 - because I want to

Boob job - she's 3 you have no need to discuss it with her

Crazypetlady · 07/02/2016 20:38

Some people like to express themselves through makeup.

Also for the boob job until she is older she doesn't really need to know that much about it then you can explain it is for you nobody else.

You are over thinking. I am a feminist and I can wear winged eyeliner lipstick the lot it is for me. D.p doesn't like makeup so it certainly isn't for him

WorraLiberty · 07/02/2016 20:40

I don't think I ever discussed my Mum's tits with her, so unless she asks you for advice on augmentation when she's older, you don't 'owe' her an explanation.

Regarding make-up, "Because I like it" is an honest answer.

Just the same as if she asked her dad why he might wear hair gel or aftershave.

CaptainCrunch · 07/02/2016 20:41

Men wear make up too, not sure what your point is.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 07/02/2016 20:41

I have two young DD's, and I get why you want to say the 'right thing' from a young age. When my DD1 asks why I wear make up, I just reply 'because I want to.'

I wouldn't worry about the boob question for a bit though.

I don't think you're over thinking it. I think it's a completely valid consideration.

JohnLuther · 07/02/2016 20:42

You are massively over thinking it.

Original poster

Ploppymoodypants · 07/02/2016 20:43

Thanks so much. Like the idea of 'I like the colours etc'. so obvious but I just couldn't think of anything to say. I was thinking about to 'stop me looking tired' but nice colours is better.

Boob job is a tricky one. Just come back from holiday and no bikini or swimsuit can fit. I am not petite in anyway but boobs like empty tea bags so they just come out of everything . Even went for bra fitting and they told me there wasn't really anything any bra could do.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ploppymoodypants · 07/02/2016 20:45

Obviously I won't discuss boob job with her now! But likely to come up at some point in our life surely. I would definitely know if my mum had one. Maybe we over share.

OP posts:

Wigeon · 07/02/2016 20:45

Actually, I have thought the same about make up. In fact one of my DDs has asked me why I wear it. Think it was why I wear mascara. There's no good reason, really. Why do I want my eyes to look bigger by painting my eyelashes? It's faintly ridiculous if you think about it.

Same re shaving my legs - DDs have seen me shaving them in the shower and also asked why. Because society expects me to have smooth legs and I'm too much of a wimp to rebel?

I get it OP. Don't have any magic answers though!

AlwaysHopeful1 · 07/02/2016 20:47

I too think you are overthinking it. It's a struggle because you're making it out to be a big issue. If you are just casual about it she probably won't even ask.

Wigeon · 07/02/2016 20:47

Ok, so OP might be overthinking it with a 3 year old, but what about with my 7 year old? Who I am absolutely trying to teach to be happy in her own skin, love her body, have high self esteem etc. Or an older child?

Original poster

Ploppymoodypants · 07/02/2016 20:50

Yes yes to shaving legs. Although if I don't and have a bath with DD she moans my legs are scratchy !! Plus I hate the feeling of hairy legs and love getting into clean sheets with freshly shaved legs, so I really do, do that just for me. DH actually prefers me hairy!

Captain crunch, good point and yes I know men wear make up. So yes it works both ways. I guess I want to find a line between caring about how you look as a form of expression which is wonderful and doing it to please men/society without even realising it.

OP posts:

GloGirl · 07/02/2016 20:52

I still think liking the colours makes sense as they get older. By then they will wear clothes they like and feel happy in. It's an outfit for your face

You like to make your eyes or your lips stand out, a bit like how you love your bright blue wellies, I love glittery eyeshadow.

I always wear foundation so when they get even older my explanations will be that I am covering my face up and then have to draw my features back on!

I love make up, I think boys and girls should wear it if they like.

Hihohoho1 · 07/02/2016 20:54

I wear makeup because I choose to and as an adult woman that's my choice.

Second one same answer.

Overthinking.

Trust me your dd will make her own story in life and her own choices without reference to you.

Xmasbaby11 · 07/02/2016 21:02

I'd say the make up looks pretty and you like it. I have two daughters - 2 yo and 4 yo - and they are curious but only about the colour and way of applying it. It's just a bit of fun. .. and feminists can wear make up and care about their appearance.

MidniteScribbler · 07/02/2016 21:08

Why does being a feminist mean you can't shave your legs and armpits, wear makeup and do your hair? Surely part of feminism is the right to dress how we want? So if I shave my legs, it doesn't mean I'm suddenly all for the oppression of women, I just want to shave my damned legs.

AnyFucker · 07/02/2016 21:08

well, you could lead by example if you don't want your daughter to get sucked in by societal expectations of femininity

But that might be a bit too much of a stretch for you ?

best to be honest with oneself, I find

AnyFucker · 07/02/2016 21:09

make up I personally don't have a problem with

shaving bits the same

undergoing risky invasive surgery with it's attendant risks so that your tits look more perky...I struggle with that one

Yseulte · 07/02/2016 21:18

It's not just the surgery itself, they can cause all kinds of ongoing problems.

Most girls like to play with makeup, they don't really understand its significance when they're very young, it's basically facepaint to them.

But you could set a good example to her with regard to your by not objectifying yourself and mutilating your body in the name of 'sexiness'.

Yseulte · 07/02/2016 21:19

*with regard to your breasts.

OfaFrenchmind2 · 07/02/2016 21:20

Plenty of feminists take care of their appearance, with make-up, nice clothes, etc. In my opinion, as long as what you do to pretty you up does not impact on your health, or is unduly painful, it is perfectly fine. In the end, you do what you do to feel nice. Whether it is smooth legs that feel great against clothes or sheets, boobs that compliment your figure, eyeliner that open your eyes, if you feel pleasure at seeing it in the mirror, for yourself, then it is perfectly kosher.
We are hedonistic animals, and one of the greatest sources of enjoyment of life is our self. why not treat our material envelop if that procure pleasure?

ClashCityRocker · 07/02/2016 21:21

I shave my husband's legs.

That'll learn the oppressing barstid.

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