To want to do the things I've always wanted to do now I'm retired and not give DC house deposit money

[Mumcouchtotri]

I've worked for over 35 years. I've recently retired and finally I have a reasonable income (34kk - I still have to pay income tax on that and have a few btl that give no income now but should do in 3-5 years when mortgages are paid off) considering I have no mortgage or debt outstanding. I have two DC (23 and 26) who both live in the south east. Iknow theybwould like s house, but I've said I won't be able to help them st all. I think all help ends at 18, now I want to enjoy my life - go on cruises , have a new CSR etc. Just simple stuff like that that I've never done.

It does seem most of their friends are getting help from parents. But surely not all? Your responsibility with a child ends financially once they are an adult working full time?

we all tend to reap what we sow in life - we are the master of our destiny rather than mere flotsam and jetsum with no say buffeting by random winds

Yes. That's how life generally works. People who shit themselves to death because they've no access to clean water, get bombs dropped on their heads in brutal civil wars, die in childbirth miles from the nearest skilled birth attendant or spend their whole lives stuck in sweatshops are just reaping what they sowed. Everyone has the same chances and it's up to you how you use them. Alternatively, give over.

Anyway, I know I was wrong about OP only posting once but I reckon not that far wrong. But it's an interesting discussion anyway, maybe not this set of circumstances specifically but the way in which it's going to become increasingly necessary to have some parental support to fall back on in early adulthood in order not to be seriously disadvantaged. We've touched on this on a few threads this weekend.

MrsTerry was right to mention social mobility a few posts up. The biggest issue, I think, is what will happen for those whose parents couldn't afford to help even if they wanted to. Because regardless of whether anyone thinks this is a good thing, we have significant numbers of people who can't afford to support the children they have without benefit income, which of course stops by 19 at the latest. Even if everyone on low incomes stopped conceiving as of now, we'd still have a bit of a timebomb on our hands. This is going to become a bigger issue over time, I reckon. It's not just about giving kids money for studies or deposits or whatever, it's about not being able to afford your rental when your housing benefit gets cut once a child is no longer eligible.

Your children are not entitled to,your money, just because they may need it. It's your money, so it's up to you how you spend it. If you want to go on cruises, buy designer cars etc, th you can. Enjoy!

You are not obliged to help but if I was you and could I would want to help.

When you do grow up and if they had good salaries would you expect them to contribute to old age care for you? Or be grateful if they did? Say if you were only entitled to so much funding but found a place you really wanted that needed a top up contribution of say £50 per week.
Even if it's not as black and white as money chances are they will be doing a lot for you as you get older. I guess my point is it would be good to look after each other in whatever ways you can.

Remember generosity goes both ways if you can afford it easily I don't see why you wouldn't.

The unhappiness I would feel at seeing my children working hard and struggling would far outweigh the happiness I'd derive from fripperies (lovely though they may be). I'd help where I could.

No where has the OP stated that her children are struggling. For all we know they might have a more luxurious lifestyle than the OP.

I'm assuming that all of those stating that the new generation will never be able to afford to buy live in SE? I don't want to suggest moving North You can buy a starter property for less than £100k. 23 and 26 are still pretty young in terms of owning their "dream" home.

Nope yankeecandle, one of those areas of the north you mention. With local wages to match. Nice try though.

I'm not following Jizzy?

I've received financial help from my parents and partners parents for the deposit. However my parents have made it very clear that they expect the money to be repaid. But I'd rather be repaying my parents than a bank. If we wouldn't of had a surprise pregnancy I guess it might be a bit more do-able to save and take your time with it. Renting isn't cheap though and we're saving over £200 a month by buying a house, even in the north :P

You asked whether those stating the new generation will never be able to afford to buy live in the SE yankeecandle. As one of those people, I answered your question: no, I'm in one of those areas of the north where you can buy a starter property for less than 100k. Unfortunately still not very affordable for local people unless they have help, though.

I think it depends tbh.

If your kids are working and are generally sensible with their money and aren't dependent on you, its different from being work shy and not taking responsibility for themselves.

If you are going and doing the things you have always wanted to, and are being reasonable about how much you spend doing it, its fine. However, if
you are going on multiple cruises a year at tens of thousands of pounds a throw each time and are still refusing to help your kids you are simply a greedy selfish arse.

I think it comes down to teaching your kids to be responsible for themselves, and being aware and realistic about their expectations and obstacles they may face. You aren't there to be taken advantage of but you also should be there to give them a hand even if they are now technically of an age where they are financially dependant.

Remember by helping your kids you also help grandkids and the future prospects and opportunities too. And your kids could be making decisions about your future too; if they are better off themselves you in turn may have better options and indeed a better adult relationship with them....

Even if there are houses for sale in the UK for £100k, in order to get a mortgage on that you still need a minimum £10,000 deposit, an excellent credit history, no debt, a decent salary and money for the fees too. It might only be £10k deposit to save on a house that cheap up north but it may as well be £50k if you haven't got any disposable income to save for it.

Not read the whole thread.

You say £34k on retirement is "reasonable". You must be deluded. Your children could never dream of having anywhere near half that.

Don't help them if that's what you want. But if I were in power I'd tax the hell out of you to give the younger generation all the opportunity you had - like free education, affordable housing, and affordable pensions.

My mum used my grandad's house inheritance to split half and half for me and my brother to put a diposit on a house... I'll be doing the same for my DC... Even though they're past 18, they're still your children. No, you don't have to, but I think it's a little mean. Up to you tho

One day, I'll be too old/ill to fend for myself and that's when your kids look after you, just because you're over 18 doesn't mean they won't help you! It's the same with my parents

Not read the whole thread.
I suggest you do.

I don't think you're being unreasonable for wanting to spend it, but I would look at it slightly differently. Did you intend to leave them money in your will? If so, then I would probably either give them some now (not necessarily enough for a deposit) or invest it in a property or something to give them something for when you shuffle off.

I really don't think children have a right to inherit; in fact I wish my parents would enjoy their retirement as you plan, rather than hoard all their savings for me and the GCs.

Good luck whatever you decide.

Although it's your money, you've earned it, etc, etc. I think you're being unreasonable. And it sounds as though you don't like your children very much. Rather have a cruise than help your children live more comfortably?
It's much much harder to buy a house these days.

depends on the child. a child who is working hard, and saving and trying to help themselves would get help. a child who was blowing it all on frivilous stuff would not. I would adjust my will accordingly and possibly set up a trust.

now how do I get my mum to realise that she can spend her own money on herself.

My mum couldn't help me because she can't afford it.

I can't imagine being able to afford to help my children either and that makes me really sad. If I could afford it I would do what I can to help them get on the property ladder.

Well, this thread is inAIBU so yes, OP, I think you are. You are lucky enough to have been born in the amazingly privileged baby boomer generation and have therefore reaped the benefits of much more affordable housing, the BTL boom (and being able to buy into it), free university education etc. Your dc aren't nearly as lucky. No one's fault but they are just as deserving of such a life as you. I think you have a moral obligation to help them, quite honestly. But everyone of your generation in either my or my dh's family is of the same view as you, at least you are open enough to ask the question.

Live your life

Has OP ever come back? Or is this 'inter -generational warfare' muck-raking for the DM or similar? Cruises? Buy to let? Red flag to bull???? Still makes me mad though how much tougher it is to be young now, no justice in it, pure luck. I amazed they don't all rise up on the streets in protest.

YANBU. I think you should spend your retirement income as you see fit. Go on holiday and enjoy your retirement.

We all have a different prospective on what financial support we should provide our DC. DD is only 2 so we have a long way to go however personally DH and I hope to ensure DD has at the very least support in getting her own house no joint ownership agreements with any partners if we can help it because you never know what may happen and hopefully financial support in getting a good education.

I would like to think we would support her financially in most situations however we also want to see her drive for her own financial stability.

Then again she's 2 so DH and I will have to wait and see.

You say £34k on retirement is "reasonable". You must be deluded. Your children could never dream of having anywhere near half that.

How do you know this?

I wonder if any of you who think life was easy to buy a house in the 1970s remember the strikes, short time working and rampant inflation. It's easy to forget they had their own struggles. One of the things my mum speaks about is the hope you could not become pregnant for a year after marriage- this was pre pill, so things were not as reliable as they are today.