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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask DH to stop vaping?

128 replies

HTKB · 06/02/2016 22:38

DH and I have been on and off smokers for years. I quit in June as I fell pregnant. He had been on and off vaping and although he did quit smoking in June, he really really struggled and took up vaping again in about October. At the time I was unhappy as I felt we didn't know enough about vaping and effects on a newborn, as well as co-sleeping, which we will almost certainly do as we did with DS.

We agreed he would quite vaping on the 1st Feb. I am due beginning of march.

DH duly stopped vaping on 1st Feb, as agreed. But he's really, really struggling. The problem is is he is very stressed.... He has a full on job and we are also refurbing the house which of course we are in a rush to do before the baby arrives. Plus we have a 4 year old, and DH has an anxiety disorder. He is constantly busy, his head is always full of the next job to do, and the next, and the next.... He gets absolutely no down time as we rush to finish the house. I've had a dreadful pregnancy and haven't been able to help as much as I'd like.

In the evenings, after dinner he used to take himself off for twenty minutes and sit in a darkened room and have a quiet vape. I suspect he did a similar sort of thing at work. He has quit now, and he wouldn't start again unless I gave him the go-ahead, but I'm feeling dreadfully guilty. I can see my lovely DH really struggling with everything and his outlet gone. But I just can't see how we can co-sleep and care for a newborn when we know nothing about the long term effects of vaping?

OP posts:
CockwombleJeff · 07/02/2016 00:09

The "doubters" really need to do their research before coming here and spouting concerns about for eg inhaling glycol.

NotnowNigel · 07/02/2016 00:09

[[http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2016/feb/05/the-truth-about-londons-air-pollution The greatest problem is with nitrogen dioxide (NO2), a pollutant that inflames the lungs, stunting their growth and increasing the risk of respiratory diseases such as asthma and lung cancer. London has an acute problem with NO2, possibly the worst in the world. Putney high street broke its annual emission limits just eight days into the new year, with Knightsbridge, Oxford Street, Earls Court and Brixton all following suit before the end of January. Across the country, the government estimates 23,500 people die prematurely from NO2 pollution.]]

I'd be far more worried about living in a city or near to a busy street with lots of traffic.

I don't think vaping is ideal, but it is certainly far less harmful than smoking, and its passive effects really are negligible. Avoid traffic, chemical cleaners, candles and fires though.

IoraRua · 07/02/2016 00:10

I think YABU. You cannot go around thinking that "what if x has x and we don't know everything about it" as you could extrapolate it to absolutely anything.
Let the man have the odd vape (sounds like he's cut down hugely anyway so he can always phase it out at his own pace).

AgentZigzag · 07/02/2016 00:15

If you are then I am too Nicky.

Let me know if you find out, it might answer a few things I've been wondering about.

lavenderhoney · 07/02/2016 00:21

Is he as stressed as you about it? Seriously - let him do all the legwork and go to the docs and ask.

Valuing is better than smoking. He smokes for 20 mins - I expect he can nip outside as well.

Co sleeping is bit of a nightmare tbh. My dc1 was the wriggliest fidget arse ever, and huge too. He hates co sleeping- mind you he didn't do sleeping anyway, always awake and ready to play. Dc2 would be co sleeping now if I let her- but she never moves when asleep.

Remember when a baby goes to bed, you presumably won't be going at 6.30-700pm or during the day ( after a while) so make sure you have a cot. Otherwise you'll have to go to bed, and what if by some bloody miracle they sleep in? I used to put dc2 to bed in the cot and only get her out to co sleep when she woke. Straight back in the cot in the morning, if she was asleep. It's practical. They can't fall out of a cot.

He's done well stopping smoking. If he vapes, he'll soon pack that in anyway. He'll be busy:)

CockwombleJeff · 07/02/2016 00:32

From a nurse point of view it Really is so very important that you support your DP to vape.

Long term this will lower his risks of outcomes such as cancers, heart disease etc etc .

Ginkypig · 07/02/2016 00:33

htkb

I think there's a compromise here.

He can vape (in his dark room) but not anywhere near the baby or just before bed (which would help you co-sleeping anxiety)

crumblybiscuits · 07/02/2016 00:40

Or he could just quit full stop instead of relying on a supplement instead.

NickyEds · 07/02/2016 00:59

I reckon we must be Agent.......It's the only explanation.

Destinysdaughter · 07/02/2016 01:00

Yes it's so easy to just bloody stop isn't it? Why do you think millions of pp have taken up vaping instead?

crumblybiscuits · 07/02/2016 01:21

He's already going without, why would he pick it back up when he's doing amazingly already?
I quit cold turkey after being a heavy smoker for 8 years, I'm not oblivious to it being hard to quit, just don't see the point encouraging him to restart a harmful habit he's already quit. He's done the hard part, only gets easier from there.

FlatOnTheHill · 07/02/2016 01:27

Crumbly
I smoked fags from age 16-47. Its very hard to stop. Im vaping now since last December. The invention of these things is a god send. I feel so much better and im sure the long term effects are prob a lot better than real cigs.
I cant see a prob with the the OPs DH vaping.

AgentZigzag · 07/02/2016 01:35
FlatOnTheHill · 07/02/2016 01:47

Agent
What on earth are you doing Grin

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 07/02/2016 02:34

I feel so much better and im sure the long term effects are prob a lot better than real cigs.

I think you are absolutely right! I firmly believe that vamping is better for you and everyone around you than smoking. However that is partly because if you decided to invent something that is worse for you than smoking you would have work quite hard. Bungee jumping without a bungee I guess?!?

That doesn't necessarily mean vaping is harmless though.

I guess the question Op needs to figure out is - knowing her Dh, the pressure he is under and the willpower he has - how likely is he to go back to (secret) smoking?

FlatOnTheHill · 07/02/2016 02:47

Mumoftwo
If he continues to vape he most likely wont go back to real ciggies. Vaping is a great alternative and you still get that 'Hit' in your throat and get to blow out pretend smoke (the vapour). If she 'allows' Hmm him to freely vape he will be,ok

JohnThomas69 · 07/02/2016 04:52

How can some of the pposter on here be expected to be taken seriously? They quite obviously have never been within a hundred yards of someone vaping when they claim it stinks and overwhelms living spaces. As for the op, I'd expect your newborn is most likely going to be affected far worse by general air pollution than the effects of your husband vaping in a separate area.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 07/02/2016 05:54

Would you (and he) be happier with patches or gum? I know it doesn't give the same hit, but it might be enough to take the edge off the symptoms. Also can you outsource some of the work on the house to reduce the stress?

NiNoKuni · 07/02/2016 08:48

Just so we're clear - Quickmist ingredients vs e-cigs in the picture. The difference is heat. There's also a difference between particles and droplets. Ecigs, AFAIK, produce micro-droplets. If they were harmful, showers would be too. Dr Farsalinos (very googleable) has done more research in that area.

Lots of research has been done. Some of it is more reliable and less biased (either way) than others. For example, a lot of the 'scary' research was done using e-fags in a way no normal person ever would (turning them all the way up to 11 etc.). We all have to make our own decisions. If, however, you'd be happy around someone using an inhaler, you really shouldn't have too much of a problem with someone vaping around you.

To ask DH to stop vaping?
LittleLionMansMummy · 07/02/2016 09:09

Another one here who can testify to the wonders of vaping. I gave up smoking by going cold turkey, but dh has repeatedly found it impossible but has now been vaping for 18 months. I can smell it when he vases near me, but cannot smell it on his clothes or anything else. I can also enjoy kissing him again!

Op, I guess you've asked your dh to give up drinking alcohol too, since that (and drugs) is the strongest link to co-sleeping deaths? There is more harm in the air we breathe walking down the street in towns and cities than there is from vaping. Nonetheless, I'm sure if you asked your dh to refrain from vaping around the baby he's been sensible and reasonable about it.

Whatwhatinthewhatnow · 07/02/2016 09:13

Actually starting to wonder if my mother is abusing hers because you can smell it. DP can smell it too and he isn't the most sensitive of noses. Honestly, her car/clothes reek. Even the house does if she's baby sat. Could this be the brand she's using or something? She was an extremely heavy smoker for decades (still is really, she uses both cigarettes and vapes)

OTheHugeManatee · 07/02/2016 09:16

If you live anywhere near any roads there will be more risk to your baby from diesel emissions.

FlatOnTheHill · 07/02/2016 10:23

Shouldwest
Gun and patches not the same. Vaping gives the 'hit'.

magoria · 07/02/2016 11:29

Trouble with the vaping is it hasn't dealt with the addiction.

So if he has stopped that now he NOW has to deal with the nicotine withdrawal and all that goes with it.

Sallystyle · 07/02/2016 12:15

Actually you can easily lower your nicotine strength with different juices. Do it in stages and you won't have withdrawal symptoms.

I never cared that I was addicted to nicotine as that is harmless on its own and I see it as no different than being addicted to caffeine. I sometimes vape nicotine because some juices just don't deliver the throat hit without it and I've gone a long time vaping no nicotine and I'm absolutely fine with it and don't crave nicotine at all. I am more addicted to the hand movements and the throat hit than I am the nicotine now. When I was smoking I 'needed' a smoke to give me that high, relieve my stress, calm me down etc, I vape because I enjoy it and if I'm stressed I never reach for my vape to deal with it like I would with cigarettes, so it's entirely different for me.

That said, my dh can't go anywhere without his vape. It's attached to him all the time and he wakes up during the night for a quick vape. He was an extremely heavy smoker for many years and used it to help him deal with his bipolar. He is still very addicted to nicotine and I know that if he could no longer vape he would smoke again, where as if I had to give up vaping I wouldn't want to smoke, I would just go without. I would much rather see him vape than smoke and he no longer wheezes when lying down, he is much fitter and it's the first time he has gone longer than a week without smoking.. I think he is coming onto three years now.

There has been a lot of very positive new research done recently and so far it's looking very good for us vapers. I know that I'm more healthier than ever and it scares me when I read so many of these scare stories based on shit research. A smoker friend of mine thought about vaping but was put off by 'popcorn lung', I pointed out to her the research and reminded her that we know 100% that smoking can cause lung cancer and COPD but these scare stories do put people off when vaping could save people's lives.