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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DH to stop vaping?

128 replies

HTKB · 06/02/2016 22:38

DH and I have been on and off smokers for years. I quit in June as I fell pregnant. He had been on and off vaping and although he did quit smoking in June, he really really struggled and took up vaping again in about October. At the time I was unhappy as I felt we didn't know enough about vaping and effects on a newborn, as well as co-sleeping, which we will almost certainly do as we did with DS.

We agreed he would quite vaping on the 1st Feb. I am due beginning of march.

DH duly stopped vaping on 1st Feb, as agreed. But he's really, really struggling. The problem is is he is very stressed.... He has a full on job and we are also refurbing the house which of course we are in a rush to do before the baby arrives. Plus we have a 4 year old, and DH has an anxiety disorder. He is constantly busy, his head is always full of the next job to do, and the next, and the next.... He gets absolutely no down time as we rush to finish the house. I've had a dreadful pregnancy and haven't been able to help as much as I'd like.

In the evenings, after dinner he used to take himself off for twenty minutes and sit in a darkened room and have a quiet vape. I suspect he did a similar sort of thing at work. He has quit now, and he wouldn't start again unless I gave him the go-ahead, but I'm feeling dreadfully guilty. I can see my lovely DH really struggling with everything and his outlet gone. But I just can't see how we can co-sleep and care for a newborn when we know nothing about the long term effects of vaping?

OP posts:
Friendlystories · 06/02/2016 23:43

I think the main risk with co-sleeping when a parent smokes is that they continue to breathe out carbon monoxide, this wouldn't be the case with vaping so I would certainly think the risk would be reduced if not completely gone. Could you sleep separately while the baby is very young? Just wondering if there's a compromise that might put your mind at rest.

Quodlibet · 06/02/2016 23:46

From the same review:
"Exposure to propylene glycol can cause eye and respiratory irritation, and prolonged or repeated inhalation in industrial settings may affect the central nervous system, behavior, and the spleen...When heated and vaporized, propylene glycol can form propylene oxide, an International Agency for Research on Cancer class 2B carcinogen, and glycerol forms acrolein, which can cause upper respiratory tract irritation."

So there's your answer, U2, about the carcinogenic properties of those ingredients. It's simplistic to say 'oh glycerin is in cough medicine, ergo it's fine'.

Sallystyle · 06/02/2016 23:46

Yes no carbon monoxide in vaping!

Crispbutty · 06/02/2016 23:46

I would say the inhalation of minuscule amounts of pollutants from vehicles, open fires, air freshener, cleaning chemicals etc etc will do more harm than being near a person who recently vaped. Unless you are planning on putting your baby in a haz-chem suit from birth of course..

WhatTheActualFugg · 06/02/2016 23:48

No one is saying e:cigarettes will kill you with carbon monoxide.

RealityCheque · 06/02/2016 23:49

Do you inhale cough syrup, Jeff? You know - like into your lungs?

Original poster
HTKB · 06/02/2016 23:49

Your antenatal anxieties are FAR more likely to harm your baby than your DHs vaping.

That's a really shitty thing to say. Luckily I'm not a particularly anxious person, and I'm also an HCP, so I know that's a huge load of bollocks. Still, there's always hope.... maybe next time you really will be able to frighten a pregnant woman. Fingers crossed!

OP posts:
WhatTheActualFugg · 06/02/2016 23:51

I wouldn't light an open fire, let the car exhaust run inside the house or use aerosols in the house either, actually. I would have thought that pretty average risk aversion for people with babies.

FlatOnTheHill · 06/02/2016 23:51

"He wouldnt start again unless I gave him the go ahead" Hmm
Is he a man or a mouse? Ive never heard anything like it.
You sound so controlling and very over anxious. You are not in charge of him. Has he got no balls?
You need to chill out. Nothing will happen to the baby if you co sleep and he has been vaping.
Let the poor bloke vape. Sounds like he needs some form of escapism.
And yes I am a woman. I really find this controlling behaviour towards partners bizarre.

AgentZigzag · 06/02/2016 23:51

When I was pregnant I focused much on the ridiculously small risk things in a bid to avoid thinking about all the other billions of far more risky 'what ifs'.

If the thought of sleeping with your baby is causing this amount of anxiety it's maybe better to look at other places for them to sleep?

Sallystyle · 06/02/2016 23:52

I could post many links to discredit yours. If someone hasn't got to iy first I'll find them up tomorrow

NickyEds · 06/02/2016 23:53

OP You will be fine. If push comes to shove you and your DH will not be co sleeping but taking it in turns to sleep.

If in twenty years they turn round and say vaping and co-sleeping causes x, and our baby had x?

For the love of all that is holy, if there's one bit of advice i could give you as someone who has had two (admittedly tiny) children it's don't think like this. It can be extrapolated to everything. That way madness lies!

WhatTheActualFugg · 06/02/2016 23:53

And you're right crisp, lighting an open fire is very likely more dangerous. Because they are responsible for 50% of under 5s dying of pneumonia each year.

Original poster
HTKB · 06/02/2016 23:54

Ok, the idiots are out. Guess it's that time of night. Thanks v much to the normal posters on both sides, it's definitely been food for thought x

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 06/02/2016 23:57

In the olden days before vaping existed, new fathers would smoke in the shed or in the garden.

WhatTheActualFugg · 06/02/2016 23:57

I don't think a partner agreeing to not do something because the other partner asks them not to is 'control'. I think it's called mutual respect.

My DH wouldn't paint the living without my 'say so'. I wouldn't dig up the flower borders without his. I think in RL when you don't have the wrath of MN in your back, this is pretty normal.

AgentZigzag · 06/02/2016 23:57

Am I an idiot or a normal? Confused

I'll be up all night worrying if you don't tell me.

CockwombleJeff · 06/02/2016 23:59

The wiki article is outdated .

New research since then- vaping was positively banned in our hospital under very recent research from the UK ( massive study) points to nil significant health risks .

elizadoeverything · 07/02/2016 00:00

I have a theory that some people don't like that vapers still get all the enjoyment with (at the very least) 95% less of the harmful parts.

How correct you are. I am simply bubbling over with envy that my children inhaled the cleanest air I could reasonably provide, and will not get to inhale chemicals that are at least 5% harmful, as well as potentially clinging to my clothes and may be on my very breath in particles.

I don't hate smokers or vapers but I do hate it when people with reasonable doubts are ridiculed because they aren't totally on board with something that sounds dubious. Its like peer pressure all over again! I never gave in when the smokers tried to convince me it was safe behind the bikesheds and I won't hear this shit from the vapers now. Let's wait 20 years before we are so sure of ourselves.

Destinysdaughter · 07/02/2016 00:04

I've been a smoker for 30 years. I'm now vaping and not smoked a fag for 3 months. It feels like a fucking miracle! I feel so much better too, no coughs or colds. I am positive that e cigs are much much less dangerous than cigarettes and think maybe you're being a bit over anxious. The fumes won't affect you or your baby so personally I'd allow your partner to carry on.

NickyEds · 07/02/2016 00:05

Am I an idiot?

crumblybiscuits · 07/02/2016 00:05

Your antenatal anxieties are FAR more likely to harm your baby than your DHs vaping.
What an awful thing to say to someone, especially if OP was anxious which I don't think she is, she just would rather not risk her unborn baby's health when there's not enough information out there on it at the moment.

OP, YANBU. I wouldn't want those fumes around my newborn any more than someone who has just had a cigarette.

HPsauciness · 07/02/2016 00:05

The thing is, he's essentially now quitting nicotine and struggling. If he can get through this time, fine, there's no issue But if he can't...or starts to struggle enormously with the withdrawal syndrome, even worse he may go back to (secret) smoking.

If he has anxiety, this quitting will make his anxiety spiral for sure. Could he get help from a stop smoking service or another HCP/group that could give him some support during this time?

If he can quit, as I say, there isn't an issue, is there? But it doesn't sound like he is managing, and there is a price to be paid for that quitting nicotine, it's just a question of what you think will be the worse situation- his anxiety going up, but the benefit of having no vaping at all if he succeeds, or better have a bit of a vape in the evenings but obviously this would be going on longer-term (although he could then cut down more over time, or mix with non-nicotine juices to lower nicotine levels, similar to how you taper off patches/gum).

FlatOnTheHill · 07/02/2016 00:07

Destiny
Ive given up the fags since last December. Im vaping. Its bloody great invention. I feel so much better too.

CockwombleJeff · 07/02/2016 00:07

And to the (sarcastic) poster asking about inhaling glycol ....

Yes it is safe to inhale glycol - and yes safe to inhale into your lungs - it is the ingredient contained within inhalers and nebulisers that I hand out to patients every day !