To ask DH to stop vaping?

[HTKB]

DH and I have been on and off smokers for years. I quit in June as I fell pregnant. He had been on and off vaping and although he did quit smoking in June, he really really struggled and took up vaping again in about October. At the time I was unhappy as I felt we didn't know enough about vaping and effects on a newborn, as well as co-sleeping, which we will almost certainly do as we did with DS.

We agreed he would quite vaping on the 1st Feb. I am due beginning of march.

DH duly stopped vaping on 1st Feb, as agreed. But he's really, really struggling. The problem is is he is very stressed.... He has a full on job and we are also refurbing the house which of course we are in a rush to do before the baby arrives. Plus we have a 4 year old, and DH has an anxiety disorder. He is constantly busy, his head is always full of the next job to do, and the next, and the next.... He gets absolutely no down time as we rush to finish the house. I've had a dreadful pregnancy and haven't been able to help as much as I'd like.

In the evenings, after dinner he used to take himself off for twenty minutes and sit in a darkened room and have a quiet vape. I suspect he did a similar sort of thing at work. He has quit now, and he wouldn't start again unless I gave him the go-ahead, but I'm feeling dreadfully guilty. I can see my lovely DH really struggling with everything and his outlet gone. But I just can't see how we can co-sleep and care for a newborn when we know nothing about the long term effects of vaping?

perhaps start by letting him have 20mins in dark room and listen to some music - earphones that block everything out. Then if that doesn't work review vaping - personally I'd ask him to do it outside as I wouldn't want it in the house

Show him this

I have no issue with vaping anywhere. I am not a vaper or smoker.

I think you have your reasons OP but if I were being asked to stop vaping I would think that it was an unreasonable request

If he's using e-juice with nicotine in it then by asking him to stop vaping, you're asking him to go cold turkey. Could you at least ask him to start working on reducing his nicotine content? Surely it's better than making him go cold turkey and risking him going back on the cigs in secret?

If he wants to Vap, he should, its not harmful to others like smoking.

Your antenatal anxieties are FAR more likely to harm your baby than your DHs vaping bit unnecessary to say this and lid love to see supporting evidence for this statement.
Nicotine does affect people sleep patterns causing insomnia in some and heavy sleep in others, for this reason I wouldn't cosleep if either myself or my partner were vaping, it will increase the risk of sids.
That said sids risk Is also increased if either of you are excessively tired ( what new parent isn't??), consumed alcohol, have heating on and/ or quilts in bedroom, take medication that can increase drowsiness (such as hay fever mess). You have to weigh up ALL of the risks and benefits for you and your family.
If you think it's a risk then it probably is, go with your instinct.

I think yabu.

"At the time I was unhappy as I felt we didn't know enough about vaping and effects on a newborn, as well as co-sleeping, which we will almost certainly do as we did with DS." "But I just can't see how we can co-sleep and care for a newborn when we know nothing about the long term effects of vaping?"

But it's easy, you ask your HV about the link with sids

Seriously FFS smoking and cot death are linked, but your asking if you drink diet coke e.g. vapour then all should be fine?

Decades ago they thought that smoking was good for you. A bit later they found out just how harmful it was. I wouldn't risk it if it were me but it's up to your DH to make that decision for himself.

Yabu. He is an adult and has done very well to stop smoking. Vaping is better than smoking. as long as he not doing it next to you. For those saying it doesnt smell as a none smoker i can tell you it Does but not as bad as smoking. There is some worries re popcorn lungs and vaping. Vaping is still very new and limited information on long term effects. Hospitals do ban it on site as do alot of places now. Personally i much prefer someone vaped to smoking.

I can't quite get over anyone thinking it's ok to tell a grown up what they can and can't do. It's horribly controlling. Even if it was normal cigarettes, he should be able to make his own decision, then got decide whether you want a relationship with him. It's awful to not allow him

95% safer. 95%

My cardiologist told me the odds of the heart surgery he wants me to have were that the op was 95% successful with no long term difficulties. I said "Wow! That's good". He visibly brightened and said "gosh, it's good to talk to someone who understands statistics". 95% is brilliant for anything.

The only way you get something 100% safe is by not doing it at all, but that means you never go out, never do anything. Oh, except that the bulk of accidents occur in the home. Oh yes! And my doctor told me that being in bed was actually rather dangerous because you're so relaxed (I tore a stomach muscle turning over in bed, dd tore a muscle in her shoulder stretching in bed, etc etc etc.)

So to be 100% safe, really, one needs to be dead or never alive in the first place.

Guilting your partner into giving up vaping is bullying and controlling behaviour.

I would have an issue with it due to this
www.theguardian.com/society/2014/apr/14/e-cigarette-poisoning-figures-soar-adults-children

I wouldn't want the stuff about with two small children in the house. My DD is 5 and the only person we know who smokes, now vapes [a lot]. She understands that cigarettes are v bad for you and she is quite upset by his smoking [and that of any other random person in the street for that matter but she's a bit oversensitive]. He has a habit that you presumably don't want to encourage your children to start but the statistics of children of smokers who go on to smoke don't lie.

That 2 year old article based on stats that "calls" about exposure to eliquid had increased, not actual poisonings. Calls about exposures to eliquid dwarfed by those about exposure to washing tabs, both with similar toxicity. Once again another ecig non issue.

There are lots of more frequent articles, but I'm not going to post links to the likes of the DM.

exposure to washing tabs
Granted they are also toxic. Less likely to be left lying around and they certainly don't need charging.

The actual NPIS report is the place to go, not the media, if you want actual data. 385 calls re dishwasher tabs, 257 calls re air fresheners, 241 calls re eliquid.
As for the fears on nicotine, research shows same levels of nicotine in non-smoking households as in vapers households. Most if not all nicotine retained by the vaper. Another non-issue.

The issue of e-liquid 'lying around' is pretty easily solved by a lockbox or a high shelf or cupboard and vigilance, tbh. Treat it the same as you would treat bleach, medicine, alcohol or anything other household items you wouldn't want your kids drinking. There are lanyards for ecigs if you're worried about the unit itself. Charging carries the same risks as everybody's mobile phones, laptops, tablets etc., i.e. don't dick about with it, use the correct charger, don't leave unattended. It doesn't have to be this massive deal.

I would be as cautious as you are being, OP. And I would feel as bad as you do too about denying your man a pleasure, even if he sacrificed it willingly.

I read things like this and I wonder... www.nhs.uk/news/2015/12December/Pages/Flavouring-found-in-e-cigarettes-linked-to-popcorn-lung.aspx

I know that there is doubt cast over the research. As an adult, I'd take my chances. I don't know if I would expose a newborn to it though. Vaping is undoubtedly a billion times better than smoking. But is it the same as not smoking? There are too many niggling little articles like the one above.

The physical addiction to nicotine apparently only lasts a fortnight. He is nearly through it. He has nearly slain the dragon. And he has done amazingly well. Cheerlead him through it. Reward him with... I dunno. Doughnuts or something. I'd suggest BJs but then I remember how pregnant you are. Sod that.

If he goes into a separate room to vape then I don't see the issue.

just let him vape. Hes already done really well.

Far too anxious! If your DH can't quit the Vape then let him quit in his own time. I will never put a time on giving things like this up as I generally fail!

I'm sure there will be no residual bad effects if he comes to be 10 or 15 minutes after a vape.

Now I'm going to say something really stupid;
I'm 52 this year. Both of my parent smoked and I remember them smoking around me all the time...I survived!

Now I know it's a shit point but there are many many things that officials tell us are bad for our babies and if we adhered to every single bit of advice most expectant mothers would have died of starvation...

My point being, take the advice that best fits you because NONE of it will ever likely happen to you or your new born, it's all precautionary.

I think your being over anxious, the nhs were going to start providing them for smokers, my partner had a heart attack and was told it was fine to vape just as long as he diddnt have a fag.

I recommend making a decision together that you both feel comfortable with - perhaps that's him vaping outside, but agreeing something that alleviates as much concern as possible and best meets everyone's needs.

The research evidence just isn't that clear yet and there's data with merit both ways. Until it's been around longer, it's hard to know.

I don't think anyone's linked to this study as yet, so just for some more information in the debate..
www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/12/151228174412.htm