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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think "neighbour" has assaulted my child

719 replies

BubbleBathAddict · 06/02/2016 08:17

Basically my 11 year old son was in a group of school friends yesterday after school. On the way home from the park they played "knock down ginger" -ie they knocked on a couple of front doors quite near us and ran away. Now this is not something I was aware of or would condone, but on the scale of "crime" it's not something to get too excited about.

My son said he did not do the knocking and stayed on the pavement.
At the second house the woman came out and yelled. The boys ran. All of them more quickly than my son it seems. Half way home (a few houses only) he felt someone grab his wrist and the said woman insisted he tell her where he live and frog-marched him home. He was in tears. I was at work, but his dad and older brother were in.

I do not know the woman at all. She apparently said her children were scared. I am pretty furious that she thought it was OK to grab and intimidate a child. That might have been appropriate 40 years ago, but these days touching anyone without consent is battery isn't it?

I don't want to over-react, but will be going over there today. What would you do?

OP posts:
ArmchairTraveller · 06/02/2016 16:51

That's what I was saying Leo, when we made bad choices as children that inconvenienced or distressed others, our parents were on the side of the victims and would not defend us.
There's a current thread running on why teachers snap, walk out or generally lose the plot linking it to bad behaviour and no meaningful sanctions or disciplinary responses. And parents that are either defensive or see it as a child exercising their rights to be expressive.

riverwalk · 06/02/2016 16:51

Kids doing "knock a door run" often gets down played by some parents because it's "something kids have always done"
The difference between then and now is years ago kids knew they were taking a risk, part of the fun was being frightened of getting caught because of definite repercussions to them. Maybe a clip round the ear, or being reported by the victim to the parents. Nowadays, because a lot of parents dont give a shit what their precious darlings get up to as long as they aren't bothering them, kids are safe in the knowledge that they're untouchable. It makes this kind of sport even more despicable.

tomatodizzy · 06/02/2016 16:53

I never played it either, I grew up in a city, we played in the street. I agree with ArmchairTraveller I wouldn't knock on anyone's door and try and run away before they opened the door because the thrill of being caught never appealed to me but this was the only reason other children played it.

ArmchairTraveller · 06/02/2016 16:56

Well, I only played it when we lived in civillian areas.
When we lived on military bases, the consequence for being caught doing something antisocial was that your dad would be given a talking to by his superior officer and told to keep his children under control. Or he'd be in trouble.

LittleLionMansMummy · 06/02/2016 16:58

It's called postman's knock here.

BuzzardBird · 06/02/2016 17:00

Interesting first post OP Grin

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 06/02/2016 17:00

I'm not that old, not from 40 years ago at least - however if I had been caught playing Knock Door Run, being dragged home by the neighbour would have been the least of my worries. My mother/grandmother would have read me the riot act, grounded me, made apologise to the neighbour and basically made sure that I was ashamed enough never to do it again. Quite right as well - as someone who had to deal with a break in next door a few months back, I'm terrified there will be one in our house next. Having someone knock at our door, only for no one to be there - I would be thinking it was a distraction to get in the back or something similar.

I don't think your son is an awful person, OP. However neither is your neighbour. I can guarentee you this will not be the first time this has happened to her, she was very likely waiting for them. It's done now, hopefully this will shock him into stopping, if nothing else. If he won't be made to go apologise to the woman, I would go myself to say sorry and assuring her that your son at least will not be doing it again.

MsJamieFraser · 06/02/2016 17:02

Yes this is assault, this woman lay her hand a child and physical restrained him, that is assault by law, whether you agree or not!

Yes others have been found guilty of less, a tenant in a local housing association was found guilty of common assault after he touched the enforcements officers shoulder in an verbal outburst, he was given community service. It was as simple as that.

ZaZathecat · 06/02/2016 17:03

Wow I'm amazed you've been given such a hard time Bubble! Your son didn't actually do anything wrong as far as I can see. The woman was over the top too (but I wouldn't be thinking of suing - just giving her a wide berth). I'd also be telling my son not to be involved - if his mates want to annoy people in this way he should just walk on and get home asap.

Original poster
BubbleBathAddict · 06/02/2016 17:06

Actually, I've been reminded, I did one 5 years ago with a question about science GCSEs. Quite boring. No one called me names. But 2 posts in 5 years makes me a bit of a novice.

OP posts:
MsJamieFraser · 06/02/2016 17:06

*The woman could argue that it is preventing them from continuing with the harassment - after all, how does she or anyone else know that they don't intend to come back and do it again? "

No, Harassment by law is not a singular incident, there must be two reported incidents to the police. so again NO this is incorrect.

UnDeuxTroisCatsSank · 06/02/2016 17:06

Kids doing "knock a door run" often gets down played by some parents because it's "something kids have always done"
The difference between then and now is years ago kids knew they were taking a risk, part of the fun was being frightened of getting caught because of definite repercussions to them. Maybe a clip round the ear, or being reported by the victim to the parents. Nowadays, because a lot of parents dont give a shit what their precious darlings get up to as long as they aren't bothering them, kids are safe in the knowledge that they're untouchable. It makes this kind of sport even more despicable.

Quite so.

Gruntfuttock · 06/02/2016 17:07

MsJamieFraser So what would you have done in the OP's position? Called the police?

winewolfhowls · 06/02/2016 17:07

I would be ashamed if my son was intimidating members of the community. Poor woman. I am a teacher and children of this age in groups can be loud aggressive and foul mouthed when challenged. Luckily most aren't. examine your attitude.

Gruntfuttock · 06/02/2016 17:08

That question was re. the post MsJamieFraser Sat 06-Feb-16 17:02:30

user7755 · 06/02/2016 17:09

My faith in MN has been restored today. I was expecting pages agreeing with the OP but it's reassuring that I agree with most people; that the OPs child (no matter how involved) was in the wrong and the neighbour was in the right for not letting him get away with it.

There's another one about a teacher which is equally reassuring.

AcrossthePond55 · 06/02/2016 17:10

"Ding Dong Ditch" where I come from (So California). I remember playing it in our neighbourhood during the summer vacation, but it wasn't much fun for us because most people kept their doors open to catch the breezes. People can see you run away pretty easy through the screen door, doncha know. Grin

LuluJakey1 · 06/02/2016 17:11

Of course he won't have learned a lesson. He will be listening to a parent who puts his 'rights' above those of the family he and his friends were harrassing. He has a mother who will shout 'assault' and blame his victim rather than tell him he is wrong and apologise for his behaviour.

She has come onto AIBU and when told yes she is BU, she doesn't like it because she wasn't really asking the question and wanting to listen to the answer. She believes she is right and has made up her mind and is now being huffy because other people don't agree.

He'll be in more bother as time goes on.

IAmPissedOffWithAHeadmaster · 06/02/2016 17:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GruntledOne · 06/02/2016 17:12

No, Harassment by law is not a singular incident, there must be two reported incidents to the police. so again NO this is incorrect.

How do you know they haven't reported it more than once?

Lweji · 06/02/2016 17:12

Of course he won't have learned a lesson. He will be listening to a parent who puts his 'rights' above those of the family he and his friends were harrassing.

This

MsJamieFraser · 06/02/2016 17:12

The police would not have come, its a civil matter not a criminal, I for one would not have laid my hand on the child, however would have kept a eye on him and in the hope I could have a word with his parents.

I don't go about risking my job, or worse getting a criminal record on a common assault charge on a minor, and a band A to C fine

Eliza22 · 06/02/2016 17:12

Grow up, woman! Your son needs to learn about consequences. You need to teach him that lesson.

IAmPissedOffWithAHeadmaster · 06/02/2016 17:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArmchairTraveller · 06/02/2016 17:14

Give it a few years and he can join the Bullingdon Club.