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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to think "neighbour" has assaulted my child

719 replies

BubbleBathAddict · 06/02/2016 08:17

Basically my 11 year old son was in a group of school friends yesterday after school. On the way home from the park they played "knock down ginger" -ie they knocked on a couple of front doors quite near us and ran away. Now this is not something I was aware of or would condone, but on the scale of "crime" it's not something to get too excited about.

My son said he did not do the knocking and stayed on the pavement.
At the second house the woman came out and yelled. The boys ran. All of them more quickly than my son it seems. Half way home (a few houses only) he felt someone grab his wrist and the said woman insisted he tell her where he live and frog-marched him home. He was in tears. I was at work, but his dad and older brother were in.

I do not know the woman at all. She apparently said her children were scared. I am pretty furious that she thought it was OK to grab and intimidate a child. That might have been appropriate 40 years ago, but these days touching anyone without consent is battery isn't it?

I don't want to over-react, but will be going over there today. What would you do?

OP posts:
ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 06/02/2016 14:00

Stop making up posta Fanjo. Nobody said that. You can't rewrite history.

evilcherub · 06/02/2016 14:00

You are overthinking this and taking it too personally. Just go to the neighbours house, get your son to apologise and that is it. You will have done the right thing and then forget about it. You are not a terrible person/parent and most kids do these kind of things at some point but it really is a nuisance and your son needs to see that actions have consequences. I doubt he will do it again -lesson learned, end of story.

SuperFlyHigh · 06/02/2016 14:01

PS. Anyone who called the son obnoxious etc that is going too far, a little shit, a bit harsh but along the right lines and rude, disrespectful etc.

The DS obviously (even though he was in the group) expected to get away with it as he was walking away from the incident.

If he didn't want any involvement from the get go all he needed to say to his mates was "sorry guys don't want to be involved I'll go home/to park/sweet shop" etc and not be involved when they started to play knockdown ginger.

The mother not saying she should get the abuse but it is the classic "my child is right the woman is wrong, she assaulted my son" and her ideas/views are very skewed it would seem re right and wrong behaviour. At 11 if his behaviour isn't pulled up on then it could easily escalate and get worse.

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 06/02/2016 14:02

Posts.

Oh and almost everyone telling an OP they are BU and maybe they should be apologising for such despicable behaviour does not make it a pile-in.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/02/2016 14:07

I could probably paste the posts here but that would be against guidelines since they were deleted for a reason.

BuzzardBird · 06/02/2016 14:07

Maybe/ maybe not. The OP mentioned she had children, I just wondered as there has been a bit of drip feeding whether more information was going to emerge about the woman.

cleaty · 06/02/2016 14:11

Fanjo, so you think the woman should just have ignored it?

AcrossthePond55 · 06/02/2016 14:13

I got a giggle at OP's assertion that what happened (paraphrasing) was 'Ok' 40 years ago but assault today. Maybe that's why we (those of us who were children 40+ years ago) had a bit more respect for others. We knew that if were were naughty and were caught that we'd be frogmarched home or a phone call would be made and we'd be in for it.

OurBlanche · 06/02/2016 14:15

How do you keep them? Why would you?

Given that there are what, 25 posts per page, in 16 pages, 400 posts, 4 or 5 have been deleted, and assuming all of them used that terminology, what would pasting them in prove?

goodnightdarthvader1 · 06/02/2016 14:20

Hahaha, does Fanjo keep an excel spreadsheet of offensive comments? A little blacklist of offenders? That would be sad brilliant.

TitClash · 06/02/2016 14:20

If that was assault or battery, what is knocking on the door and running away all freaking day...domestic terrorism? Hmm

AdjustableWench · 06/02/2016 14:21

Yes, it's assault. This isn't a matter of opinion; people receive convictions for less.

However, your son was also in the wrong and should have walked away rather than participate in the 'game'. If he's part of the group, he's part of the problem even if he didn't do the knocking/ringing himself.

I certainly wouldn't make my son apologise to an adult who had assaulted him, but I would also make very sure he understood that he has to be more responsible, and that being on the edge of a group of people is still being part of the group... If the group ever engaged in criminal activity he could end up with a criminal record even if he didn't directly participate.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/02/2016 14:23

Yes that must be it.

Janeymoo50 · 06/02/2016 14:34

Ahh, knock down ginger, that brings back memories. Memories of doing it to the "old lady" four doors down, repeatedly. It also brings back memories of having my backside skelped when the "old lady*" told my mother a few days later as they chatted at the supermarket. My mum was mortified, ashamed of us. We never did it again.

  • she was probably not even 60.

I think your son has probably learnt a lesson. I don't think he was assaulted. In fact it was pretty brave of the neighbour to bring him home (she could have faced major abuse).

It doesn't make him a bad kid, but how you deal with it is key here and he will learn from that.

CocktailQueen · 06/02/2016 14:34

Yes, it's assault. This isn't a matter of opinion; people receive convictions for less.

Who?? Who, Wench? Don't be daft.

If an adult can't escort a child home who has been knocking at her door and running away; if she hasn't even got that power, then no wonder we're seeing more and more entitled, spoiled kids who respect nothing and nobody because there are no repercussions ever.

Roussette · 06/02/2016 14:34

Assault, hahaha. She held his hand/wrist firmly. If that's assault I think my DM is guilty of it as she used to firmly hold my DC's hands when they were playing up!

And no apology necessary adjustable because he's been assaulted? I think this is rather underplaying proper assault. What's this country coming to, we'll soon be charged with "looking at people funny" if we carry on like this!

SoupDragon · 06/02/2016 14:35

I do hope none of you who are crying "Assault!" have ever grasped your child's wrist and frog marched them somewhere.

MsMims · 06/02/2016 14:38

Fanjo how and why do you keep copies of posts?

OP, I won't add to the chorus of YABU but I hope your DS has learnt a lesson from this. Anyone would find this a nuisance, but especially those who are elderly, vulnerable etc as I'm sure you will appreciate due to your husband.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/02/2016 14:41

As if I keep copies of posts.
Have got thread open on PC at home and went out before deletions.

Katenka · 06/02/2016 14:44

Yes, it's assault. This isn't a matter of opinion; people receive convictions for less.

Can you give an example where someone has been convicted of any crime for less than holding someone by the wrist?

GruntledOne · 06/02/2016 14:45

I don't think it was automatically assault and battery. People are allowed to use reasonable force for self-defence; defence of another; defence of property; prevention of crime; or lawful arrest. That could fit this set of circumstances in a number of respects. Your ds was involved in the crime of harassment, which is an indictable offence, and members of the public are entitled to arrest people who have committed such offences to prevent them from absconding. The woman could also claim that she was taking action to prevent crime, by getting your son off the streets and preventing further harassment.

The bottom line is that it's wildly unlikely that the police would ever risk prosecuting her, so, OP, you probably need to forget about her conduct and concentrate on your son.

TaraCarter · 06/02/2016 14:47

Funny you should say that. I double-checked the definition of battery this morning and "if the defendant has a lawful excuse to use force the actions will not amount to a battery. This includes:

A)Reasonable punishment of a childS.58 Children Act 2004

B) Where the defendant acts inself- defence or prevention of a crime

C) Where the victimconsents"

I haven't gone as far as checking whether that only applies to family members, though.
e-lawresources.co.uk/Battery.php

BlueJug · 06/02/2016 14:48

Holding wrist = assault
Banging on door = attempted breaking and entering??

Frogmarching = illegal restraint
Banging on door in an attempt to frighten = harassment

We could have loads of fun with this.

TaraCarter · 06/02/2016 14:48

X-post with Gruntled

BitOutOfPractice · 06/02/2016 14:50

I'm sorry to hear your DH is so poorly OP.

But surely that should make your DS realise, even more than most kids, that nobody knows what circumstances are going on behind another front door and just how upsetting / annoying / frightening it could be for some people to be continually knocked up.

I'm afraid I agree with the majority that your DS was in the wrong and the woman did nothing wrong and this incident "illustrates to some extent why so many children and young people today are very aware of their rights but have little recognition of their responsibilities."

It was obviously hard for you to read some of the responses but I hope it's given you food for thought

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