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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think "neighbour" has assaulted my child

719 replies

BubbleBathAddict · 06/02/2016 08:17

Basically my 11 year old son was in a group of school friends yesterday after school. On the way home from the park they played "knock down ginger" -ie they knocked on a couple of front doors quite near us and ran away. Now this is not something I was aware of or would condone, but on the scale of "crime" it's not something to get too excited about.

My son said he did not do the knocking and stayed on the pavement.
At the second house the woman came out and yelled. The boys ran. All of them more quickly than my son it seems. Half way home (a few houses only) he felt someone grab his wrist and the said woman insisted he tell her where he live and frog-marched him home. He was in tears. I was at work, but his dad and older brother were in.

I do not know the woman at all. She apparently said her children were scared. I am pretty furious that she thought it was OK to grab and intimidate a child. That might have been appropriate 40 years ago, but these days touching anyone without consent is battery isn't it?

I don't want to over-react, but will be going over there today. What would you do?

OP posts:
CremeBrulee · 06/02/2016 12:22

Discipline not disciple!!

specialsubject · 06/02/2016 12:28

I understand that the OP has issued a well-deserved telling off.

lesson for the kid is that if you deliberately piss people off, you may get more than you bargained for. This 'game' is anti-social and should be stopped. Being a 'tradition' doesn't make it right in 2016.

long-term lesson for the kid is -get a life, find some real hobbies, don't become an annoying little shit, don't upset people deliberately.

Gruntfuttock · 06/02/2016 12:30

GabiSolis "we all played knock down ginger"

Speak for yourself. I didn't and I don't know anybody else who did*

*Well, apart my mother who did play it as a child. She's now 95, so that would have been in the 1920's.

cleaty · 06/02/2016 12:32

I grew up in a very rough area, and I did not play it. The kids who did were the ones who were already not that well behaved.

CalicoBlue · 06/02/2016 12:34

YABU - She did nothing wrong.

This happened to my DS when he was about the same age. Not being particularly bright he did it to the old lady who lived two doors away. She had a reputation for moaning about the kids playing on the street and they had been told to keep away from her.

She brought him round, I was furious with him. I made him write a sorry note, spend some of his pocket money on a box of chocolates for her and took him round for him to say sorry and give them to her.

As far as I know he did not do it again.

OurBlanche · 06/02/2016 12:36

Well, I was a very well behaved kid and even I played it for a short while.

I was collared, bright ginger hair and an eye patch makes you highly visible. I had my bum smacked and was left in no doubt that had the neighbour had every right to scare the living daylights out of me.

I immediately went back to being a good two shoes, lesson well learned.

UnGoogleable · 06/02/2016 12:37

I do think the OPs post illustrates to some extent why so many children and young people today are very aware of their rights but have little recognition of their responsibilities.

100% agree. That boy was caught doing something he shouldn't, but gave a sob story to his mother hoping she would take his side and go and sort the woman out for him. I bet it's not the first time OP has stood up for her son in this way.

Devilishpyjamas · 06/02/2016 12:38

I'd be fucking livid if some 11 year olds did this to us (various reasons why getting to the front door can be difficult). Glad he learned he majorly pissed someone off. Your job to make sure he understands he deserved it for being anti social.

MrsDeVere · 06/02/2016 12:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/02/2016 12:39

OK I thought you had missed that.

I agree what he did wasn't good.

But also think the woman was heavy handed and many people on this thread certainly were.

Salmotrutta · 06/02/2016 12:40

The OP told her child off so that's good BUT if he is aware that his mum is intending going round to "have a word" about the woman "assaulting" Hmm him then that is not a good message for him.

So I'd like to know if the DS is aware that his mum has taken umbrage at the neighbour's actions because that's quite relevant isn't it?

HSMMaCM · 06/02/2016 12:41

He was doing something thousands of kids (both naughty and nice) before him have done. He didn't walk away, so he was involved. He was caught. He should apologise.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/02/2016 12:41

Reasonable explaining is fine. It's the piling in and calling him a shit who will end up in prison which I think is disgusting on here.

Katenka · 06/02/2016 12:48

I wouldn't be overly happy a adult scared my child.

However they would be told it's tough. They shouldn't have done what they did. You want to piss people off and scare them, expect the same back.

My child would be going round to apologise.

We had kids that did this at ours. I was heavily pregnant and it was intimidating. Being 2 weeks from giving birth, I wasn't up to chasing them.

I called the school and their head teacher came round and sat in my living room, watching them come up the path and opened the door as they knocked. Scared the crap out of them. They were then punished at school and parents called.

They didn't do it again. I got apologies from all of them and their parents. Scare tactics worked

UnDeuxTroisCatsSank · 06/02/2016 12:52

I think the OP should also consider that there is a continuum of consequences.

It is not binary; either no crime and the child is totally Scott free versus A Crime Which the police deal with.

This group of boys behaved badly, not badly enough for the police to be involved but badly enough for an adult to get involved, grab the wrist of the only one in arm's reach and frogmarch him home. That is an adult saying this is not acceptable. Not battery.

OP - how else, how better, do you think the Neighbour could have handled it such that your son got the message that his behavior is not on.

It does not seem he is getting that message from you.

stumblymonkey · 06/02/2016 12:54

It's not ideal however I would have made my child apologise and told them it served them right.

Of course your DS would tell you he wasn't doing the knocking!

TwllBach · 06/02/2016 12:54

Slightly irrelevant but to raise a point the OP made about teachers not being allowed to touch pupils...

I am a teacher in a 'normal' state primary. We are allowed to use physical means to restrain or remove a child that is causing distress/a threat or actual physical harm to themselves or other children.

I personally have had to bodily lift a child from on top of another as they kicked them in the kidneys, regularly. I have had to restrain a child while it kicked and lashed out. I have, many times, taken a child firmly by the arm (NOT the wrist as we are told there is greater risk of injury there) and lead them away from situations where they are causing distress to other children.

Yesterday, a primary aged child threw a chair across the classroom and aimed to punch the teacher in the face. Had this child not been restrained straight away they would have done serious damage.

I'm assuming OP would have been one of those parents that complain.

If your child is violent and/or intimidating, sometimes physical intervention is necessary and the safest course of action. Your child intimated that woman.

I'm an adult, I live on my own. I've had children knock on my door before now when it's dark and been scared. I think the woman did the right thing.

OurBlanche · 06/02/2016 12:55

It's the piling in and calling him a shit who will end up in prison which I think is disgusting on here.

I'm off, back to page 1, to see if anyone did... if I don't make it back, please think only good of me Smile

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/02/2016 13:00

They did and were deleted

Maudd · 06/02/2016 13:03

if I don't make it back, please think only good of me

Grin
cleaty · 06/02/2016 13:04

So one person said it Fanjo.
What do you think the woman should have done?

Maudd · 06/02/2016 13:06

their head teacher came round and sat in my living room, watching them come up the path and opened the door as they knocked. Scared the crap out of them

I love this!

tomatodizzy · 06/02/2016 13:06

All boys can be little shits from time to time, I doubt there isn't a boy alive who didn't do dumb things with his friends, some even manage to them on their own. If my son did something as stupid as knock down ginger and people called him a little shit, I would think that's what happens when you act up, you get labelled. I would consider his behaviour to be shitty too and I would not expect others to see past the behaviour to the boy inside, until the boy inside proved he could actually be good and learn from his mistakes. I agree assuming the boy will end up in prison is a bit OTT, but then so is saying the woman should be charged with battery. They are all as ridiculous as each other. Why not say that the boys should all be charged with public disturbance too for a completely over the top scenario.

ricketytickety · 06/02/2016 13:06

Important lesson for your ds is: if you harass someone you have no idea how they are going to react. I know he says he didn't knock, but how did she get hold of him so easily if he was all the way outside on the pavement? Irritating/scaring strangers is a dangerous business. I don't think he'll be involved with it again.

yankeecandle4 · 06/02/2016 13:13

What exactly do you constitute as the assault/battery part OP? Was it taking him by the wrist, marching him home or him being in tears? Hopefully this woman taught him a better lesson than you would have done.

My GM (in her 90's) has this all the time from kids. It takes her ages to answer the door and as it is a daily occurrence she doesn't bother getting up to answer unless she is expecting someone. She shouted at a boy once (from her window) and his father was hammering on her door "for scaring the child". We live in a society where the perp has more rights than the victim.