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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dp has pissed me off, come and agree with me how U he was.

71 replies

DextersMistress · 03/02/2016 09:43

Background- Dp works full time, I'm a sahm. Morning routine is we all wake at the same time, I take dc downstairs, do their breakfast and make me and dp a cup of tea while he's still upstairs getting ready. I then get myself ready when dc are eating, then finally get them dressed.

I have stomach problems. Dp came down and I was doubled over, he told me I need to go to the doctors again. I said I need to go to the toilet. I took dc's clothes in and told them to start getting dressed then I ran up to the loo. I was about 15 minutes (due to said problems)

Came back down to both dc still in their pjs watching tv, 5 minutes before we were due to leave. Dp was standing with his coat on, waiting to say goodbye to me.

Wtf? Why didn't he just fucking tell them to get changed? Arsebiscuit.

OP posts:
VagueIdeas · 03/02/2016 09:47

He's a dick.

Clearly, it didn't occur to him to disrupt his morning routine by supervising the kids getting dressed, even though he knew you were stuck in the loo.

Do you have IBS? Sympathies.

icklekid · 03/02/2016 09:47

Yes he wbu hope your feeling better now!

Original poster
DextersMistress · 03/02/2016 09:52

Not ibs I don't think, I suffer with chronic constipation and usually go around ten days, then my body seems to think 'get it the fuck out'! So I have two days of really bad pain and rushing to the toilet many times a day. It's not much fun. I'm sorting it though, thank you.

OP posts:
AnnPerkins · 03/02/2016 09:56

Yes he wbu. Of course he was.

Hope you're feeling better now.

I'm absolutely not diagnosing you, but are you considering your symptoms may be due to coeliac disease? I only mention it because it is often overlooked and leaving it undiagnosed can have longterm health consequences.

Only1scoop · 03/02/2016 09:56

How old are the DC did he hear you asking them to get dressed?

Although, even if he didn't he could have used a bit of bloody initiative.

comedycentral · 03/02/2016 09:57

He aS very unreasonable. What happened next?

VagueIdeas · 03/02/2016 09:58

Ah, me too Dexter. But you shouldn't have to suffer like that. I tried every natural and OTC laxative type product (Fybogel, Lactulose, dried fruit, prune juice... you name it) but then I tried Movicol (or Laxido, same thing) and it's been genuinely life changing. I don't take it daily but I think I'll always need to have it in the house. Please go to your GP and ask for it.

I also found that I can't take hormonal contraception because progesterone makes my already sluggish gut even more sluggish.

Original poster
DextersMistress · 03/02/2016 10:03

Ann I've been tested for coeliac, it's not that. I'm waiting for a delivery of fybrogel, hopefully it'll make a difference Smile

He was in the room when I told them to start getting dressed, they're 5&3 so do need supervision. Also, he knows what time we have to leave!

I asked him why he hadn't done anything, he looked sheepish and said he'd been in the hall sorting his work stuff out. Once his head is in 'work mode' he's just bloody oblivious to anything else, it pisses me off. Obviously it's a different story when he's ill...

OP posts:
Original poster
DextersMistress · 03/02/2016 10:05

vague I have movicol but it only works if I'm taking 3 a day so I thought I'd give the fybrogel a try. The contraceptive thing is interesting, I'm sure the start of this coincided with me getting the implant.

OP posts:
OnlyLovers · 03/02/2016 10:06

He sounds a bit stupid. Either that or he just assumes that the kids are your 'job' and nothing to do with him.

He's a parent, he can't be oblivious to his children and partner's needs.

VagueIdeas · 03/02/2016 10:08

Then take three a day if that's the dose that works for you (I never bother taking less than two because that doesn't work on me either).

Fybogel is just a fibre supplement and isn't very effective with chronic constipation. If you have sluggish bowels then it just bulks the stool up and sets it like concrete, making things worse. Seriously, don't bother with it.

shoeaddict83 · 03/02/2016 10:10

sorry nothing useful to add except to say i loved the insult arsebiscuit!!!

hope youre feeling better now op! And yes he was being Very unreasonable!

Stumbletrip40 · 03/02/2016 10:15

well i hope he comes back grovelling tonight - sounds a bit thoughtless although I don't recommend LTB! Arsebiscuit is about right for an offence of this kind :) Hope your tummy issues get sorted soon - debilitating.

viagrafalls · 03/02/2016 10:21

Dexters mistress off topic but have you tried taking these
they are excellent.

AnnPerkins · 03/02/2016 10:24

That's good then Dexter Smile

catsinthecraddle · 03/02/2016 10:25

just a case of miscommunication.You should have just asked him to get the kids dressed.

I would have been the same than your husband, and I am a mum! If dad is in charge of the kids on morning, and I getting ready for whatever thing I am doing, I have to say I don't check to see how ready they are.
Of course, I give them food or drink if they are in front of me, but that's it. If I am needed, just ask me.

Original poster
DextersMistress · 03/02/2016 10:25

Really vague? It was someone on here who recommended it. It's just arrived actually!

No, don't think it's quite a ltb offence but I will be leaving him to sort his own tea tonight Wink I'll unfortunately have been distracted by mum duties.

OP posts:
mrstiggy · 03/02/2016 10:26

Yep, he was a dick. Probably an accidental dick from what you've said, but yanbu to roundly curse him under your breath for being a useless bugger and expect an apology for his lack of thought later.

lill72 · 03/02/2016 10:26

that is annoying. DH taking DD to school at moment as he has time off - first time the other day she was late as he got time an hour wrong! This would never happeb to e and i have to get a baby ready also. Ugh! Tell him off!

Pipistrella · 03/02/2016 10:31

It doesn't sound like it was deliberate on his part. I honestly wouldn't be cross about that - well a bit miffed, but it's not like he was doing it to spite you or something.

He was just being ineffectual. it's very common.

OnlyLovers · 03/02/2016 10:31

just a case of miscommunication.You should have just asked him to get the kids dressed.

No, she really shouldn't need to ask him. Bollocks to being 'in work mode' and thus unable to think about anything else, either. Unless he was actually standing in the hall guiding in drone strikes or something while the OP was in the loo, he as an (I assume) fairly intelligent adult is perfectly able to look at the time, look at his children, remember that the OP had brought in their clothes and asked them to get ready, and come to the simple conclusion that they needed some adult supervision.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 03/02/2016 10:41

just a case of miscommunication.You should have just asked him to get the kids dressed.

Love this line of thinking.
"It's passive aggressive!"
"You should ask him directly!"

Yes, because he's clearly a deaf imbecile (is that a disabilist term? Can't keep up, sorry if it is) or needs direct instruction shouted in his face in order for him to work out the cues and what needs to take place when, even though he's presumably been present for the morning routine since year dot. No need to infantilise the man - he holds down a job and can function at that, right?

catsinthecraddle · 03/02/2016 10:46

Wow... I said that I would have been exactly the same! I don't actually treat my husband like a child, so I trust it to handle the kids when he's in charge of them. I don't monitor how long he spends in the toilets. If I hear him throwing up or realise something is wrong, of course I am more than happy to help, but I am not a mind reader.

Why is it so difficult to ASK someone, to SPEAK directly to them when you are in the same house? Is it really that much nicer to assume they should guess and sulk because they haven't?

Hullygully · 03/02/2016 10:47

I have found that men on the whole are much more single issue, not all, of course, but most. If yours is thus, it makes more sense and is more productive to act accordingly (ie clearly tell him what to do) than to try and change his mental processes. Life will be simpler and easier and you will all be happier. Oughts and shoulds don't tend to produce happiness, whereas practical measures based on understanding.

Hullygully · 03/02/2016 10:48

do (whoops)