Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have another child and be done with it

402 replies

greenkitee · 01/02/2016 16:03

I need to have a section with any other baby I have, I don't particularly like the thought of this and would love to avoid it but unfortunately cannot avoid it.

But I would like to start toning up my belly, should I just have another baby and tone up after? Or tone up for nothing as will need a section anyway

I'm currently on JSA, but I do work 16 hour so will be able to save from my work.

Should I just get child baring over and done with?

OP posts:
GraceKellysLeftArm · 02/02/2016 08:31

Op, you seem to know deep down that churning out a baby every three years isn't a career plan so...

Despite you telling us you're not qualified - I see someone who writes well, with good grammar and is able to articulate their point! Did you know that university entrance qualifications are often waived once you hit 21?

Time for you to have a good think about where you want to be rather than where you're at right now - do consider taking up pp's offer of career guidance.

Didn't you also say you had sight problems? Ditch the dream of being a driving instructor then.

GraceKellysLeftArm · 02/02/2016 08:31

Op, you seem to know deep down that churning out a baby every three years isn't a career plan so...

Despite you telling us you're not qualified - I see someone who writes well, with good grammar and is able to articulate their point! Did you know that university entrance qualifications are often waived once you hit 21?

Time for you to have a good think about where you want to be rather than where you're at right now - do consider taking up pp's offer of career guidance.

Didn't you also say you had sight problems? Ditch the dream of being a driving instructor then.

scarlets · 02/02/2016 08:38

Ditch the scrounging boyfriend, and get some careers advice so that you're work-ready when your child starts school (or whenever it is that the social security stops). It's a gamble to assume that the state will support a second baby in this political climate. It's safer to take responsibility yourself, and make sensible decisions with the welfare of your child in mind. You've plenty of time to meet a decent guy and have more children.

DontCareHowIWantItNow · 02/02/2016 08:41

so she should work on what it is she wants in the time she has off. Get the qualifications she needs, work out the practicalities.

If the OP wants to be a driving instructor she needs to be able to drive, which costs money and certainly isn't cheap

That therefore brings us back to needing to work more hours.

These things can be done whilst working. It isn't an either or.

TheCatsMeow · 02/02/2016 09:33

Dont she could do that while still on benefits

It's often hard to juggle getting a qualification, working and bring a mum especially if she's depressed

DontCareHowIWantItNow · 02/02/2016 09:37

Dont she could do that while still on benefits

The point is which you seem to be missing is that it costs money. Driving lessons aren't cheap and instructor qualifications aren't either. Where is the money going to come from? The money tree?

PurpleDaisies · 02/02/2016 09:38

Driving instructors need to gage held a licence for three years, so while it's really great to have a long term plan there needs to be something else in the mean time.

PurpleDaisies · 02/02/2016 09:39

And I don't understand how anyone round be able to pay for driving lessons and a training course while on benefits. It's much better to be working and gaining references in the mean time.

TheCatsMeow · 02/02/2016 09:43

Dont you do realise people on benefits have money..?

TheCatsMeow · 02/02/2016 09:44

Purple yes but she can do that after she's learned to drive. Much easier to do it slowly

eyebrowse · 02/02/2016 09:46

If you are doing cleaning work and looking after a young child you might find you tone up quite well (as long as you don't eat too much). Its quite hard on your relationship if you have two close together. For employers they get a better deal if you have already completed your family before you start working for them

AppleSetsSail · 02/02/2016 09:48

Good grief. What do you see in this guy? Are you married? Can you see that he's a complete twat?

Do you two fight over how little he contributes to your family, or are you content with your arrangement?

DontCareHowIWantItNow · 02/02/2016 09:50

Dont you do realise people on benefits have money..?

Yes thank you no need to patronise

You seriously reckon the OP would have enough spare benefit money floating about to pay for numerous driving lessons and a car

You seem adement to keep the OP on benefits until her dream job pops into her lap. Life isn't like that.

TheCatsMeow · 02/02/2016 09:52

Dont not for a car but possibly enoughfor lessons.

That's not my point at all! I'm saying she should work for her goals! But I'm saying don't take too much on because it could overwhelm her and destroy her confidence which would be worse than staying on benefits a bit longer.

Take it in manageable pieces instead of doing too much

helenahandbag · 02/02/2016 09:57

Why on earth would you want to have another baby with some workshy waster who doesn't look after the kid he already has and takes it upon himself to tell you that you're "podgy" and need to get in shape?? Confused

TheHiphopopotamus · 02/02/2016 10:00

But I'm saying don't take too much on because it could overwhelm her and destroy her confidence which would be worse than staying on benefits a bit longer

Well, if the OP is so delicate (which you're insisting on for some reason) I'm not sure having a another baby is going to be good for her either at this point.

TheCatsMeow · 02/02/2016 10:01

Hip it's not delicate to not want to take too much on Hmm I have PND and if I take too much on I end up disabled for 3 days. OP has already said she's depressed and can't work out how to change the situation. She needs to do it gently

AppleSetsSail · 02/02/2016 10:04

I suspect the majority of of MN has had a brush with PND. I surely did. How did we all manage?

KatharinaRosalie · 02/02/2016 10:07

He can't work as we are claiming JSA - you do realise this is not how it's meant to work. You claim Jobseekers allowance while you are, as the name says, seeking work. It is absolutely allowed to start working when you find one.

Sorry, your DP sounds dreadful. Doesn't do babysitting? WTF, it's his own child, it's not even called babysitting. What does he do with his time then, Xbox? A 12-hour course leaves plenty of time over for a job, or several.

As for yourself, if you don't work then you are not more likely to find a full time job you actually like. Any kind of work experince is better than none. So if you want to be a driving instructor, what are the steps you can take, what do you need to do to make it happen? If your eyesight is not good enough, what are other similar careers?

Oh and no, having a baby right now is really really not a good idea.

DontCareHowIWantItNow · 02/02/2016 10:12

She needs to do it gently

She may not be able to.

Greyhorses · 02/02/2016 10:19

Why would you even consider a baby when you clearly can't afford one?

My partner works 60+hours a week and I work 40 to support ours. 16 hours is nothing. Get a job and pay for a child yourself instead of expecting tax payers to fund it for you.

OTheHugeManatee · 02/02/2016 10:22

Something makes me suspect the OP won't be back.

Original poster
greenkitee · 02/02/2016 10:26

What I mean is, it's well saying my partner could get an evening job but even then, my 16 hour job and his assumed 16 hour job will still not help us, yes he is working but with no money spare its not going to help
I currently pay £80 for childcare, which comes from my own wage. Job seekers goes towards our rent etc
He is searching for a job but hasn't had any luck, hence he started the course. Have any of you actually been to the job centre? I would love for you to tell them that the course is a waste of time! You'd be sanctioned immediately! So he had to take it

OP posts:
NorfolkEnchantsToday · 02/02/2016 10:28

Why can't either of you work more than 16 hours? Hmm

Original poster
greenkitee · 02/02/2016 10:33

The job I've got can only offer 16 hours, he could work more I suppose but hasn't found anything and it could only be evening work as he is doing the course

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread