Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have another child and be done with it

402 replies

greenkitee · 01/02/2016 16:03

I need to have a section with any other baby I have, I don't particularly like the thought of this and would love to avoid it but unfortunately cannot avoid it.

But I would like to start toning up my belly, should I just have another baby and tone up after? Or tone up for nothing as will need a section anyway

I'm currently on JSA, but I do work 16 hour so will be able to save from my work.

Should I just get child baring over and done with?

OP posts:
NorfolkEnchantsToday · 02/02/2016 10:37

Can you look for another job? And him?
Because then you would be entitled to working tax credit

FarrowandBallAche · 02/02/2016 10:38

Why do you think it's even ok to consider another baby when you're not working more than 16 hours?

I don't get that bit?

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 02/02/2016 10:46

No of he finds a job during the day he needs to take that and sling course because at the end of the day. As you said. It might not even amount to a job. Stop making excuses.

If you both worked sixteen hours your get working tax credits and then you'd be better off and you wouldn't need to go to the jobcentre. He should be taking ANY job.

Shutthatdoor · 02/02/2016 10:51

I would love for you to tell them that the course is a waste of time! You'd be sanctioned immediately! So he had to take it

They are 'forcing' him to do the course as he hasn't can't be bothered to get a job.

If he had a job he wouldn't need to do the course.

Why doesn't he look after your DC rather than nursery?

Original poster
greenkitee · 02/02/2016 10:57

As he CAN'T get a job, he just had a PT one but nothing more has become available
He can't sling the course, he needs to see it through now as we will loose our benefit if he doesn't attend it
Because he is at the course when I work

OP posts:
LazyDaysAndTuesdays · 02/02/2016 10:59

So as many have said what is his plan when it is finished.

Job centre will expect him to have one and be actively looking for any job.

NorfolkEnchantsToday · 02/02/2016 11:00

Why can't he get a job?

I'm going to be blunt it sounds like you don't want to help yourselves

Original poster
greenkitee · 02/02/2016 11:05

I've already answered that lazydays.

OP posts:
Original poster
greenkitee · 02/02/2016 11:07

Fucking hell are people not reading what I am saying he is actively looking but hasn't found anything! There is nothing out there to work at night time!

OP posts:
AndNowItsSeven · 02/02/2016 11:08

Op you won't get free childcare on August it will be September. However you will get 70% of you childcare free until then . From September 10.9 hours a week free plus the rest at 30% of the actual cost.

Iamnotloobrushphobic · 02/02/2016 11:09

He can't sling the course, he needs to see it through now as we will loose our benefit if he doesn't attend it

He might lose his benefit if he leaves the course to do nothing but not if he leaves the course to start a full time job. He should be looking for any full time work even if it means leaving his course as the course isn't going to lead to employment and won't pay the bills.

LaurieLemons · 02/02/2016 11:10

Look, get on to your partner about getting a full time job. It sounds as though there's not one that he wants. You don't want another kid when neither of you has a stable income. Ideally you want to both be working full time. You having more time not working will make it even harder to get a full time job afterwards. Get off mumsnet and get on indeed searching for jobs!

And as for your stomach muscles, it's not pointless to tone up now. The better shape you're in before you're pregnant the easier it will be to get back into shape afterwards.

Original poster
greenkitee · 02/02/2016 11:11

Actually it will be August as that it when the new term begins

OP posts:
LaurieLemons · 02/02/2016 11:11

OP how long has he been looking? Is he applying for jobs every single day?

Original poster
greenkitee · 02/02/2016 11:12

I have actually searched for other jobs last night, only one was available for 16 hours for me so obviously I applied but there is very little out there

OP posts:
Iamnotloobrushphobic · 02/02/2016 11:13

There is nothing out there to work at night time!

People are reading that but don't understand why he is only looking for night work instead of any fill time work. I really don't think a course which won't lead to paid employment should be prioritised over getting paid work. You really need to clarify the issue of losing benefits if he leaves the course to start a full time job because I don't think you have for or quite right.

ledgeoffseason · 02/02/2016 11:13

But you just said it would have to be evening work - what's wrong with that?

Lots of radio/presenting work at very unsociable hours I think, so he/you might have to get used to that even if his chosen profession is successful.

What do your friends and family think? Do they all work full time? It feels a bit like your world view is clashing with that of most posters which can't be easy to read.

If your bf started a course, enjoys it, and intends to finish it, that's great! I think it's more about what he and you do the rest of the time - if you work while he studies, you must both be off together quite a lot? Perhaps one of you can work then and the other one do childcare. I don't really see the impediment to that. OR, you could do a good evening course that would at least increase your confidence and give you more employment options.

TheHiphopopotamus · 02/02/2016 11:13

The job I've got can only offer 16 hours, he could work more I suppose but hasn't found anything and it could only be evening work as he is doing the course

Oh, ffs. His course is 12 hours A WEEK. My DH works 12 hours a day, six days a week. Of course your dp could get a job to fit round his course. The problem is neither of you want to.

Original poster
greenkitee · 02/02/2016 11:14

He looks once every 2 days in all honesty but most job sites have jobs that are as old's as 19 days so it's quite hard to look every day when it's never updated. He has gone to the big valeting companies and offered to volunteer but they've obviously said no

OP posts:
Original poster
greenkitee · 02/02/2016 11:17

Oh no if he left to take a job then obviously I would hope they allow that but most people are saying just leave the course now.
My mum only started full time work five years ago, she spent her life on benefits bringing up children, I don't really have any friends but they work full time because they don't have kids. FiL also doesn't work as he's disabled.
I do want to work but it's hard when nobody gives you the oppurtunity. Nobody is going to employ me who has only had two jobs before, no qualfictions and no references

OP posts:
LaurieLemons · 02/02/2016 11:21

I don't know where you live or how many jobs are available but it does sound like he's scrounging and quite happy not working. Get him applying everyday, even do some for him if it gets him working. Some of them save your details so you can apply with a few clicks. Is his CV okay? Visit a career advisor if not. A full time job WILL come up within a few months, if he doesn't take it or comes up with an excuse then you know where he stands.

stressedcoversupervisor · 02/02/2016 11:23

Is he looking on universal job match? If he can find a full time job that'd be far better than staying on benefits. I have been to the job centre and tbh it was pretty awful and they were quite useless but I found a job within a few weeks so it wasn't too bad. Don't expect them to give you anything, at the end of the day only you and your DP can be responsible for finding work. I'm sure there's more than just one job out there. Literally apply for everything but make sure you and DP are tailoring your CV for each job. JSA is a pittance in comparison to a job, you'd only need a few hours to make it worthwhile. Sign up to agencies, look for bar and waitressing work literally anything and everything for now. Very few people at your age have a job they enjoy. Definitely don't have another baby with this boy. I'm not going to comment on your relationship, I didn't listen when people tried telling me my boyfriend at 21 was a tosser and I know you wouldn't listen either. But 21 is so young and I know it feels like you're not that young but you really are, you've got years ahead of you. I'm in my mid twenties now so I'm not looking down on you from any great age but trust me you (and I) are very young. Also definitely tone up now, it'll help if you do then decide to have another child. It'll make the pregnancy so much easier and as others have said make it easier and quicker to get your pre baby body back.

LaurieLemons · 02/02/2016 11:23

It is hard when you've got no experience but there are free courses out there, charity work, shit jobs no one wants to do just anything to get stuff on your CV.

AndNowItsSeven · 02/02/2016 11:26

Op do you not live in England?

Lucsy · 02/02/2016 11:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.