To have another child and be done with it

[greenkitee]

I need to have a section with any other baby I have, I don't particularly like the thought of this and would love to avoid it but unfortunately cannot avoid it.

But I would like to start toning up my belly, should I just have another baby and tone up after? Or tone up for nothing as will need a section anyway

I'm currently on JSA, but I do work 16 hour so will be able to save from my work.

Should I just get child baring over and done with?

Not coursework? Of course he should help with the child though

Look I am all for someone studying and doing courses like your partner but realistically someone needs to be working full time. Is he at least still looking for a full time job? He could always go back to the course or do it around work. It's all very well following your dream job but bills need to be paid, kids fed.

Or you could look for a full time job around the radio course and he has the baby.

lots of people work around each other, myself and my partner included. It is doable.

Not even going to go into having another baby, it's quite clear you and your partner are not ready for another baby.

meow as I said, people do it all the time. Not working just isn't an option for some (most) people unless they're physically unable. That's why it's called JSA not 'money for not working indefinitely'. I never benefits bash, but this OP has repeatedly boggled me. She seems nearly blind in more ways than one. I'm going to stop reading now before I get depressed about the world too!

'expat not that but the comments about "get off benefits" are uncalled for when OPs asking for help.

He could help a lot more though'

Sometimes a good jolt of reality is totally called for and quite helpful. It's AIBU.

expat

Blanket statements like "work is good for mental health" doesn't play out into everyone with a mental health problem should get a job now and they'd be cured.

You don't know what stresses people. I know personally if I take on too much for me, I get very anxious and ill. It's much better for the OP to take it slow and succeed than take on too much, stress, drop out and destroy her confidence.

OP, why do you want to have another child with a man who tells you you're fat and doesn't do any childcare?

"Jolt of reality" is normally code for being rude.

Come off it OP, he does 12 hours a week on a mickey mouse course, you work, what, 4 HALF days, not 4 actual days. He doesn't "babysit" his own kid.....
and you came on to ask if you should have another baby now so you could tone up afterwards, then kept stating you didn't want another baby on benefits. Which is it, you want one or not?

pink that just sounds weirdly jealous

As others have said OP. What are his plans for when his course finishes.

He will not be able to remain on JSA and not job hunt. He won't be able to pick and chose. If he tries to he will get sanctioned.

No idea where you're getting that from. I like working and always have done. But you seem to wilfully misread so I'll leave you to it...

Pink it was the way you were saying "well people who work have to do that so they should too", sounded a bit bitter

'Blanket statements like "work is good for mental health" doesn't play out into everyone with a mental health problem should get a job now and they'd be cured.'

Nor do blanket statements like that people can't do a qualification whilst working if they have MH issues because it's too stressful.

'"Jolt of reality" is normally code for being rude.'

In YOUR opinion. That's the beauty of MN, we can all share our opinions and as long as they don't contravene Talk Guidelines, we don't get to dictate whose opinion is more valid than another's.

Where's my £100? You said you value a child's joy over money, so I still need £100 for my child's joy, since you value it more than money, naturally. I'm waiting.

pink that just sounds weirdly jealous

Where on earth did you get that from pinks post cat

OP please hold off having more DC until your lives are more stable. Your DP also needs to pull his weight more and help with your DCm

it was the way you were saying "well people who work have to do that so they should too", sounded a bit bitter

That isn't bitter. It's called life.

expat

I didn't say no one with mental health issues could do a qualification and work. Anyway yourlogicalfallacyis.com/tu-quoque

Ive explained numerous times about that, you've chosen to ignore that though and repeatedly start fights with me on irrelevant threads. Grow up.

Dont "I had to do something unpleasant so you have to do it too" is bitter.

OP what are you short term plans?

You can have dreams. We all have them, but you also need to be doing things until you either reach them or have to let them go.

Your DP needs to help our with DC more he isn't 'babysitting.' They are his child to. Just as much his responsibility as yours. Just as much his responsibility to provide for you all as yours.

at the course 3 days a week, it's only 12 hour a week. I work 4 days a week, so we are both at home together for one of the days.

You seem to think that there are 5 days in a week. If you want to work in retail working weekends would be a place to start and you DP could look after your DC or he could get weekend/evening/ night shift work. Also people who have paid work in radio have mostly had to work hard to get there. I am sure most of them have worked multiple jobs whilst in your DPs position so I am not sure how well his CV is going to go down - he needs to show some initiative and the ability to work hard.

Also what are your actual hours? Did you not say you clean offices when no- one was there?

OP what does your partner do when he's not at his course? 4 hours on 3 different days, he must have lots of time - does he take the baby to give you time to yourself for instance? Or do you do everything?

Firstly, I wouldn't have another child to a man who refuses to take serious responsibilty for the one already there. Won't mind his own child? His course is 12 hours a bloody week ffs. He could easily work around that, even lates in a bar/kitchen.
You do any job to gain experience of work and earn money for your family. It doesn't have to be the ideal, perfect job, it's just a stepping stone, because if you think either of you will miraculously wake up one day and be offered the job of your dreams you are delusional. The longer you wait, the harder it will be.
By all means go on courses etc to gain qualifications but he needs to step up and grow up.

does he take the baby to give you time to yourself for instance? Or do you do everything?

OP has said he doesn't do 'babysitting'

Don't flatter yourself, Cats. I usually leave threads with you on them because you take over threads, make them all about how you are right and everyone else is wrong and horrible, how everyone fights wity you, you, you. It's dull beyond belief.

You should not bring another child into the world if you do not have the means in which to provide for them. Your already struggling with the one you got. Its worrying just how immature you sound from your post, toned tummys etc. You can make excuses for your DP but the fact of the matter he has responsibilities and should man up and provide for you. shouldn't be down to you. There are evening work and weekend work which he could take on.

Op. Your self esteem must be incredibly low if you think that a man who doesn't work, doesn't look after his child, and calls you podgy, is good enough for you. He is not. You are better than him. You are trying, you are working, you look after your child.
Your self esteem is not going to improve whilst you stay with a man like this.