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Original poster

To have another child and be done with it

402 replies

greenkitee · 01/02/2016 16:03

I need to have a section with any other baby I have, I don't particularly like the thought of this and would love to avoid it but unfortunately cannot avoid it.

But I would like to start toning up my belly, should I just have another baby and tone up after? Or tone up for nothing as will need a section anyway

I'm currently on JSA, but I do work 16 hour so will be able to save from my work.

Should I just get child baring over and done with?

OP posts:
OTheHugeManatee · 02/02/2016 11:28

What about cleaning private homes? You could do that while your DP is not at his course. You'd need to join an agency or be willing to do your own tax returns (MN is a great resource for finding out how to do this - it's not hard) but you could at least work your hours around when your DP is available so he can do childcare.

ZiggyFartdust · 02/02/2016 11:33

Excuses excuses. Nobody GIVES you opportunities, you have to go out there and make them for yourself!

SunsetGirl · 02/02/2016 11:33

He sounds stuck on the idea of valeting. I get it, you get to drive nice cars around. He really needs to broaden his thinking, however.

He's obviously got a clean driving record if he's done valeting, could he do supermarket deliveries? They start early in the morning and go way into the evening so surely some hours would fit. It's kind of backbreaking and thankless but it's better than nothing - I have a friend who did it while working on his degree because it could work around his course hours.

Could he pull pints? Clean offices in the evening? Wait tables?

LentilStew · 02/02/2016 11:41

But you used the word babysit when describing him looking after his son. Putting aside the massive fact that it would be grossly irresponsible of you to have another child when you are so financially chaotic;

Does your partner share equal childcare and household duties. Does he get up in the night as much as you? Does he clean the house as much as you? Does he iron as much as you? Does he cook as much as you? Unless you have an equally balanced relationship you shouldn't even be considering having more children with this man.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 02/02/2016 11:42

AndNowItsSeven the lack of job vacancies, and the Job Centre sending you on endless courses, reminds me of the situation in Northern Ireland, but I imagine there will be other parts of the UK which are similar.

OTheHugeManatee · 02/02/2016 11:44

Does your partner share equal childcare and household duties. Does he get up in the night as much as you? Does he clean the house as much as you? Does he iron as much as you? Does he cook as much as you? Unless you have an equally balanced relationship you shouldn't even be considering having more children with this man.

This, too. Absolutely this.

Shutthatdoor · 02/02/2016 11:47

He is only looking every 2 days at job.

That is seriously not enough. I know it is hard but he seriously needs to up his game in more ways than one

LentilStew · 02/02/2016 11:47

And you have 20 more years of child bearing. Why would you even consider it now when you are living off benefits?

DH and I met when both at university. Started work afterward both with massive student debt. Had small wedding. Really wanted children but put it off for years until mid 30s to even start trying because we could not financially have supported ourselves before then.

You are 21ffs! When your son is in nursery, your DP can be working f/t as can you. Alternatively you can enrol in a college course to gain yourself some qualifications which will lead to a job. Have another baby in 10yrs once you are more secure financially.

AppleSetsSail · 02/02/2016 11:50

I do want to work but it's hard when nobody gives you the oppurtunity. Nobody is going to employ me who has only had two jobs before, no qualfictions and no references

Surely you can see that this situation is exacerbated by having two young children. You are 21 years old. Why on earth would you want to have another baby now?

AndNowItsSeven · 02/02/2016 11:50

I thought maybe Scotland with the new term starting in August is NI the same?

Nottodaythankyouorever · 02/02/2016 11:53

I thought maybe Scotland with the new term starting in August is NI the same?

College courses can in England aswell Wink

NorfolkEnchantsToday · 02/02/2016 11:54

There are a lot of excuses op, you'll have another baby anyway
Sorry but true

CocktailQueen · 02/02/2016 11:55

I would love to be a driving instructor but I can't drive, don't have the money and I'm almost blind 😢 but I've always dreamed of having my own driving instructor company

OP, have you ever driven? Possibly not, if you're 'almost blind' - do you mean without glasses, or do you mean registered blind? Why would you love to be a driving instructor if you can't drive?

Sounds like you'd be better focusing on your retail experience.

AndNowItsSeven · 02/02/2016 12:00

No not college school terms, the op said her free childcare starts in August. You only get free childcare for two year olds at the start of term so in England September, Jan and April.

ZiggyFartdust · 02/02/2016 12:04

Sounds like two young people with completely unrealistic expectations....a driving instructor and a radio presenter...its just ridiculous. I've an 8 year old who wants to be a footballer, even he can understand how unlikely that is!

Allisgood1 · 02/02/2016 12:38

I think you should be off benefits before having another baby. You asked I answered, before I get flamed.

TheCatsMeow · 02/02/2016 12:59

My DH works 12 hours a day, six days a week
Do you want a medal?

TheHiphopopotamus · 02/02/2016 13:20

My DH works 12 hours a day, six days a week
Do you want a medal

No. I'm sure it's enough for DH to know that he's working his bollocks off so a couple of lazy sods can sit on their arses pissing about pretending to be radio DJs, so we'll pass for now.

TheCatsMeow · 02/02/2016 13:27

Yawn, the I work so everyone on benefits is a lazy twat rhetoric.

They are trying. It might not be what you would do but they're trying, DBAD

Nottodaythankyouorever · 02/02/2016 13:29

Yawn, the I work so everyone on benefits is a lazy twat rhetoric.

No, the only does a course for 12 hours a week, doesn't look after his DC and only searches for any sort of job every 2 days rhetoric

Nottodaythankyouorever · 02/02/2016 13:30

*he

bittapitta · 02/02/2016 13:30

OP - to answer your original question - yes you should work on your fitness and get toned up (if you want to) as it will give you a hobby, boost your confidence, and improve your health. Importantly it will likely help your PND too. Personally I was mentally and physically healthier going into my second pregnancy than my first! That helped my recovery postnatally. Your DP needs to look after his own child while you go to the gym, go for a run/swim/whatever exercise you enjoy. And do it primarily because you enjoy it, not because he told you to. All that being said, no need to rush into having another child.

LentilStew · 02/02/2016 13:30

He doesn't sound like he's trying at all. Parents don't use the term 'babysit' only those who are it the child's parent, babysits.

What's wrong with eirking f/t for the next 10yrs then having another baby. Even if you cannot start until Aug.

PrivatePike · 02/02/2016 13:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LentilStew · 02/02/2016 13:31

working