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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends Crashing Our Holiday (sort of)

347 replies

PinkFairy22 · 01/02/2016 12:55

DH has done some work for our friend's parents. The work went well, the parents were very happy (and paid for it, in case that's relevant.).

The parents have a large holiday house in Cornwall which they often rent out and, as a thank you, have offered it to us - free- for a week over Easter. Totally unexpected and very kind of them.

We've confirmed the dates and arranged travel, car hire etc. Got a text last night from my friend saying "surprise, we're coming too". There's plenty of room in the house, so it's not going to be a space issue.

I'm really gutted, as I was really looking forward to a family break. We get on well with these friends, but have never been away with them - or even contemplated it tbh. Our kids get on ok but not brilliantly.

AIBU to feel so gutted?

OP posts:
Twinklestein · 01/02/2016 16:32

It's saving her the cost of the accomodation, any other Easter holiday took they'd be paying for it.

pictish · 01/02/2016 16:33

And if they weren't going to take an Easter holiday?

Twinklestein · 01/02/2016 16:34

Then they'd go on holiday in the summer presumably, for which they'd also have to pay.

expatinscotland · 01/02/2016 16:35

She'll save even more not going.

AskingForAPal · 01/02/2016 16:36

Did the parents or your friends know you had booked up travel etc already?

Remembermyname · 01/02/2016 16:37

I would rapidly think of some things you want to do then reply along the lines of 'Great! We already have plans to meet up with Great Uncle Englebert and Great Aunt Petunia at the Eden Project/zoo/beach so will be out and about quite a bit but it will be lovely to see you! (Not)'

thebestfurchinchilla · 01/02/2016 16:38

I think the children of the owners are peeved you were given the house over easter so parents have said they can share with you.
I wouldn't go because you obviously are not THAT friendly. You can't really do anything because it is not payment for the work but just a kind gesture. Cancel and hopefully the owners will offer you other dates.

Veritat · 01/02/2016 16:40

I am surprised that a ' large holiday house in Cornwall ' is available at Easter I have to say.

I'm not. Owners of properties like that regularly stipulate that certain periods be left free for them to be used by themselves or family and friends, and it makes sense for it to be Easter when rents would be slightly lower than in the summer.

When I win the lottery [hopeful], that's exactly what I plan to do.

fuzzpig · 01/02/2016 16:45

Hmm. Tricky but I think you'll look like an ungrateful dick if you try and turn them away. I'd either go, and just enjoy it as best you can - arrange for trips out and stuff so you aren't in each others' pockets - or turn it down altogether with a valid reason for not being able to go.

JapanNextYear · 01/02/2016 16:46

The conversation probably went something like - the friends ringing up parents who said, 'sure you can have the house but pink fairy &co will be there that week, why don't you check with them?'

So instead of checking - friend has just muscled in.

twilightcafe · 01/02/2016 16:52

I'd withdraw gracefully. For one reason or another, you're not getting the holiday you anticipated. I wouldn't be able to relax completely, either.
YANBU.

rookiemere · 01/02/2016 16:55

YANBU.
That's such a tricky one. Can you cancel the car hire if you don't go?

Pipistrella · 01/02/2016 16:55

I think I would say, Oh how lovely, that's even better! and play along for a while and then have a mahoosively good excuse a week or two down the line, so that you sadly have to cancel.

That's what I would do anyway. It sounds like the parents offered it to you, then your friend asked if they could have it and there was an awkward moment when the parents said 'ah, um, we've offered it to Pinkfairy and she's said yes'. Cue cross friend who can't deal with parents giving away 'their' week, and decide they will share with you whether you like it or not - possibly even hoping you would withdraw.

So I'd play along for now, then cancel. You get to save face and they get away with being arseholes, but you don't fall out as such.

665TheNeighbourOfTheBeast · 01/02/2016 16:55

I think after three days you will want to kill each other
it will ruin your slightly iffy friendship
and any relationship you had with the parents

The issue is that you have been offered the property because you are also family friends
but you wouldn’t stay in their actual house for a week
or they yours, no matter if you had enough rooms or not
you know it would go wrong

Three day rule - friends guests fish whatever - all stink after three days -
somebody doesn’t believe this - probably for their own benefit - and has pushed their problem onto you - If you choose to accept it - in the mistaken belief it wont be a problem - then it does become your problem - nobody elses
so it needs to be stopped before its passed to you as a problem IYSWIM

unless you’ve already accepted that they’re coming - in which case...good luck -

allegretto · 01/02/2016 16:58

It might be fun! As long as you don't go everywhere together, why not? I have always had great holidays with friends and wish we could arrange them more often.

thebestfurchinchilla · 01/02/2016 17:00

Love the 3 day rule 665 i totally agree!

Toughasoldboots · 01/02/2016 17:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hissy · 01/02/2016 17:04

My guess is that "friends" have contacted the owners to blag the holiday home, and have been told that op and her family have been offered it as a thank you etc, that's not deterred the "friends" and they have crashed it.

Absolutely ring the owners in confusion and ask for clarification.

Back out and ask for another date when they are not there if he owners can't remove the "friends"

BalloonSlayer · 01/02/2016 17:08

I think it depends what you want most

a) a free holiday
or
b) a holiday with just you and yours

If a) then you just need to suck it up.

If b) I'd suggest you contact the parents and say "Thank you so much for the lovely offer, The thing is, we can both only organise our annual leave for one holiday a year together and we really need a family holiday together, just as a family. Now X and Y have decided to come to, it won't really work as a family holiday so I think we'll have to say no thanks after all and have our family holiday another place and time. But thank you so much for the offer."

LyndaNotLinda · 01/02/2016 17:17

I suspect that's what's happened, Japan.

I'm not surprised you're gutted OP but I don't think there's anything you can do other than suck it up. If you're really not getting on, develop markedly different family habits ie if they're early risers, lounge around until lunchtime or if they're loungers, get up and out before they're even on their first cup of tea. Strict boundaries is the way to go! But equally you might find it works surprisingly well

Hope you have a lovely time even if it's not quite the holiday you'd expected :)

MuddhaOfSuburbia · 01/02/2016 17:17

I think that there is a split between those who like holidays with friends and those who would hate it.

we're cat 3 here

those who think they would hate it but find out when railroaded that they actually really like it

maybe OP would fit into this one

MuddhaOfSuburbia · 01/02/2016 17:18

where IS op

come back

I want to know what happens [why is there no stickybeak emoticon]

LyndaNotLinda · 01/02/2016 17:19

We go on holiday with friends for a week every year and have been doing for ooh 20 years - both before and after children. I love it and so do the kids but I appreciate it's not everyone's cup of tea

OttiliaVonBCup · 01/02/2016 17:19

The thing is though, if you want everything to be exactly the way you want it then don't accept freebies.

The best way to get what you want is to pay for it.

LittleBeautyBelle · 01/02/2016 17:20

Ynbu at all. Vacation means getting away from it all, including people, even friends you love spending time with. These are acquaintance type friends, sounds like.

Did they spend last Easter or spring break at the parents' property?

Is this friend of yours and your husband's the woman or her husband? Which one is it whose parents own the house?

This person is marking her (or his) territory, plain and simple. This is not a friendly surprise. The aim is to not let you enjoy this holiday on your terms (gift of having the house for a week for a family vacation). This person thinks you're taking what's hers and she's not having it.

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