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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be having a bit of a sense of humour failure over this?

330 replies

Ellybellyboo · 31/01/2016 11:11

Sorry, this might be a bit long winded

I like 'creative' stuff - sewing, drawing, photography, etc - general art-ery fart-ery. The attic of our house had been converted to a huge room when we moved here so I use it as a kind of studio.

A few weeks ago I had a big birthday and DH arranged a surprise birthday party. I had been really clear that I absolutely did not want a party, I'm quite introverted and just didn't want a big hoo-ha.

He arranged one anyway. I was a bit miffed but grinned and bared it, and actually had an OK night.

In the weeks since, I've discovered that some of our friends had been up in my studio and played some oh so hilarious practical jokes. There was absolutely no need for them to go up there, there's no toilet or anything up there and the door at the bottom of the stairs was shut.

Nothing has been broken or damaged, but silly stuff like a cock and balls drawn onto every page of a sketch book, a huge quilt I've been making and had pinned out ready to be quilted has had all the pins removed, all my drawers and storage had been rearranged.

A couple of years ago I saved up and bought myself a DSLR camera. It wasn't cheap so I'm a bit precious about it. Yesterday we went out for a day out so thought I'd take my camera. Turned it on to find about a million photos of bare arses and I'm not very happy about it

It just feels a bit disrespectful, they shouldn't have been upstairs in the first place and I don't like that they've been messing with my stuff. The more time goes on and the more of this shit I find, the less impressed I am. The whole camera thing is the final straw and I'm having a bit of a sense of humour failure

OP posts:
Original poster
Ellybellyboo · 31/01/2016 16:48

Yes, I will be getting a lock I think. Neither DH or I expected anyone to go up there to be honest

As for DH, he feels terrible about the whole thing. He wishes he'd never arranged the party in the first place. He had nothing to do with the vandalism, he has spoken to the 'friends' and he's as annoyed as I am. He even helped me re-pin the quilt, which is unheard of (well, I say help, he brought me wine and passed the pins and didn't moan about my Spotify playlist)

OP posts:
Hulababy · 31/01/2016 16:49

Fortunately my daughter would never behave like this at home or anywhere else. Not one of her friends has ever behaved like this when here either.

EponasWildDaughter · 31/01/2016 16:51

he has spoken to the 'friends'

And have they passed on any apologies?

Original poster
Ellybellyboo · 31/01/2016 16:54

No, I wasn't secretly pleased about the party either.

We have talked about it, and for some reason he thought I would actually like a party, I just didn't want to make a big deal about my own birthday. He has apologised that he got it so wrong, and to be fair, it was nice to see everyone and I did have an OK night.

I just get peopled-out and over-whelmed and find a party with lots of people and being the centre of attention all a bit much

OP posts:
pudcat · 31/01/2016 16:54

Perhaps Peggy is one of the perpetrators.

Gruntfuttock · 31/01/2016 16:54

When he spoke to these "friends" did he convey how upset you are and how totally unacceptable their behaviour was?

Summerisle1 · 31/01/2016 16:54

My dcs certainly wouldn't have behaved like this. Neither would they do so as adults. Not because I brought them up in a joyless, humourless home but because I brought them up to respect other people's stuff.

Heatherplant · 31/01/2016 16:54

Well done op for not having a meltdown of epic proportions. I would have had a sense of humor failure from the moment the unwanted surprise party was thrust upon me. A couple or bare bum photos is juvenile but may raise a smile, cocks on a sketch pad may raise a smile but un-pinning the quilt is actually nasty school bully type stuff. They'd be banned from my house and DH would be in the doghouse too.

WelshMoth · 31/01/2016 16:59

It occurred to me that Peggy is one of the twats who wrecked your stuff too...

Accidents happen, children can be careless but this is no comparison.

I wouldn't want them as friends.

A good friend of mine with a cracking sense of humour has a downstairs room that sounds similar to yours OP. I wouldn't dream of touching any of it, neither would her 2 DS's and my 2 DD's when we visit.

It's called Respect.

Anniegetyourgun · 31/01/2016 17:00

I was a bit shocked at posters coming on here to tell the OP that she was a miseryguts not to find the whole thing hilarious, but then it occurred to me they're probably just trying to play devil's advocate in the interests of bringing some balance to the thread.

Or at least, I hope so. The alternative, that the next generation of thoughtless assholes is being primed as we read, is too depressing for words.

ps DS1 is something of a practical joker, to my shame, but his are usually funny ie not destructive. Usually.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 31/01/2016 17:06

peggy and constance sound like the sort of people I wouldn't want as friends with the attitude they've shown on this thread.

I would say I'm on the same wavelength as the OP with regard to parties and not wanting the attention.

My children would never have treated other people's possessions in this way either so Peggy can shove that opinion up her arse too.

LuluJakey1 · 31/01/2016 17:07

Are you going to say anything to them? I would have thought they should have had the decency to apologise at least, possibly with some flowers, now they know from your DH how upset you are. They sound like knobs tbh.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 31/01/2016 17:09

I love parties. It is almost impossible for "sufficient fuss" to be made of my birthday but I wouldn't want constance and peggy at my party.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 31/01/2016 17:10

I really am surprised that adults would go to the trouble to be so bloody stupid and twattish yet think it was 'funny'.

Roussette · 31/01/2016 17:17

I've read this and feel a bit sorry for your DH, he got it a bit wrong with the surprise party but I'm sure his heart was in the right place and he probably feels awful now.

Anyone who thinks it's funny was probably a bit of a bully when they were younger. I like a joke with the rest of them, I really do, but I would be so hurt that guests in my house wanted to take the piss defacing things that were obviously precious to me.

If there was a group of them it was probably egging each other on to do more and more and I know I sound dramatic but it just reminds me of when elderly people have been picked on and worse by rampaging teens, each one showing off and doing worse. I'm not explaining this well but I know what I mean!

My DCs would never have done anything like that, they wouldn't have been able to sleep for the guilt so whoever said that is normal has a screw loose.

I wouldn't do anything, I would just avoid them in the future unless there was a series of grovelling apologies. Even then I would be cool.

Madhairday · 31/01/2016 17:20

I'd be horrified, especially about the quilt which is hours of work - someone used the comparison of wiping someone''s essay which is a good parallel. Vile.

My teen and preteen dcs and their friends wouldn't dream of doing something like this. Sad to think there's parents out their enabling their dc to be so disrespectful. Nothing to do with sense of humour failure.

I'd send them a bill for this sketch pad Grin

Madhairday · 31/01/2016 17:20

*there

Topseyt · 31/01/2016 17:25

Wouldn't have been normal for my children either.

If I had ever thought that any of them had ever done anything like taking someone's painstaking work apart they would have regretted the day they were ever born.

That is about instilling boundaries and respect, a process which surely begins in while they are still toddlers, at least.

amarmai · 31/01/2016 17:30

when you say your dh has seen these friends of his, was he visiting them on a friendly basis ? I have an uneasy feeling that his friends may think what they did was ok with him as you do not say anything re apologies from them.When i have been the recipient of upsetting words or behaviour from friends of a member of my family, and they continued to be friends with them afterwards, my interpretation is that the nastiness was sanctioned by the member of my family .

ExConstance · 31/01/2016 17:44

Where has the mention of children come from - i thought the perpetrators were other 40 year olds?

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 31/01/2016 17:48

Peggy posted

I hope you don't have kids OP because these kind of things happen every day in our house

Several posters, including me, have replied "not in our houses and not our children".

ExConstance · 31/01/2016 17:53

Ah, I see.

DinosaursRoar · 31/01/2016 18:19

Peggy - I guess in your house this would be a normal thing to happen, but while we aren't crafters, DH has a hobby with stuff that's fiddly and easily broken, it all lives in the garage and the DCs know they aren't allowed in there without one of us, even though there's a door to the garage from the kitchen and it's not always locked. It's just easy to teach children certain rooms they can't go in, which makes stopping them messing with stuff. They also know not to touch Daddy's work things. I can easily see it would be unlikely craft things would be messed with by children who've been taught not to mess with it.

OP - if they are more your DH's friends, I'd give them a wide bearth - there's no way this could have been a joke that was supposed to make you laugh (although the bum photos could have been), unpicking the quilt etc was only a joke if the funny part of that was your upset, it was about doing something to laugh at you, not to make you laugh.

ovenchips · 31/01/2016 18:21

God I would be upset at this. Can I ask were they really drunk/ high? No excuse, but it may be a reason and it's the only circumstances I can see 40 year old people even thinking of doing something like this.

Everything is made worse by it being at the party you didn't actually want in the first place, of course.

What a shame that something that is supposed to be nice (a birthday) has left such an unpleasant taste in your mouth.

I would make your 41st a day with all the things you like in it.Flowers

Maudofallhopefulness · 31/01/2016 18:29

That would leave me raging too. I'm arty like you and save up to buy art and craft stuff, it is very important to me, like a comfort. That would leave me feeling violated in a similar way to being burgled. I had my engagement ring and other jewellery stolen from my bedroom by a tradesman once and it was really upsetting.

I can't say I haven't been party to taking an arse shot on a disposable camera at a wedding though. My problem would be the invasion of space and the rummaging through private things.