Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be having a bit of a sense of humour failure over this?

330 replies

Ellybellyboo · 31/01/2016 11:11

Sorry, this might be a bit long winded

I like 'creative' stuff - sewing, drawing, photography, etc - general art-ery fart-ery. The attic of our house had been converted to a huge room when we moved here so I use it as a kind of studio.

A few weeks ago I had a big birthday and DH arranged a surprise birthday party. I had been really clear that I absolutely did not want a party, I'm quite introverted and just didn't want a big hoo-ha.

He arranged one anyway. I was a bit miffed but grinned and bared it, and actually had an OK night.

In the weeks since, I've discovered that some of our friends had been up in my studio and played some oh so hilarious practical jokes. There was absolutely no need for them to go up there, there's no toilet or anything up there and the door at the bottom of the stairs was shut.

Nothing has been broken or damaged, but silly stuff like a cock and balls drawn onto every page of a sketch book, a huge quilt I've been making and had pinned out ready to be quilted has had all the pins removed, all my drawers and storage had been rearranged.

A couple of years ago I saved up and bought myself a DSLR camera. It wasn't cheap so I'm a bit precious about it. Yesterday we went out for a day out so thought I'd take my camera. Turned it on to find about a million photos of bare arses and I'm not very happy about it

It just feels a bit disrespectful, they shouldn't have been upstairs in the first place and I don't like that they've been messing with my stuff. The more time goes on and the more of this shit I find, the less impressed I am. The whole camera thing is the final straw and I'm having a bit of a sense of humour failure

OP posts:
PassiveAgressiveQueen · 31/01/2016 18:42

I hate practical jokes, they just seem mean and horrible.

Gabilan · 31/01/2016 18:58

I think Dinosaur has hit the nail on the head -it's laughing at the op, not with her. To me, that's just spiteful bullying. It's pretty much just pissing on someone's territory. "That stuff you like and value, well we think it's a load of arse." At school you're stuck with this shit. Fortunately as an adult you can cut contact.

toffeeboffin · 31/01/2016 19:02

Sense of humour fail?

No, OP, they had a basic human behaviour fail. This isn't on!

Your stuff, please don't touch, especially fuck with. Simple rules.

SatsukiKusakabe · 31/01/2016 19:05

Yeah, I don't think it's really your dh's fault, he shouldn't feel too bad. He made the wrong call as to what you might like, but it wouldn't occur to most people that their friends might muck about with their stuff if they come round for a party. Sounds like he's doing a good job of helping you to put it behind you. Hope you it doesn't take you too long to re pin your quilt.

Original poster
Ellybellyboo · 31/01/2016 19:07

Yes, it does feel like they're laughing at me, rather than with me.

The cocks and balls in the sketch pad I did laugh at originally and even the arse pics I would have found funny if they'd been taken on the point and shoot camera that was downstairs.

No apologies have been forth coming - DH bumped into one in Sainsbury's and saw the other at a hobby he does. DH said they'd mentioned it, asked "how did Elly take it then?" then more or less laughed it off when he said that they'd upset me.

Every time I get to "meh, whatever", I find something else and it pisses me off all over again

OP posts:
CaptainCrunch · 31/01/2016 19:10

I think you should cut them out of your life, they're selfish twats.

originalmavis · 31/01/2016 19:11

Hobby? Oooh, what hobby? Would she like it if her hard worked on whittling or basket weaving or whatever 'hilariously' went up in flames?

GeekLove · 31/01/2016 19:11

I think this would spell the end of a friendship. I think your Dh will be re-evaluating his. I have cut someone off in the past (she was a bit of a smiling assassin anyway) after I got news she had insulted my Dh.

scalliondays · 31/01/2016 19:24

peggy and exconstance think you need to tell us where you were on the night of the party and post pictures of your area.

scalliondays · 31/01/2016 19:25

Epic fail... arses not area although that would also be a clue!

PosieReturningParker · 31/01/2016 19:27

Wow.

I would expect better and respect from a pre schooler!

Nasty, not funny and spiteful.

Roussette · 31/01/2016 19:27

Yes, they are laughing at you and it is bullying. No apologies would mean no contact for me.

pudcat · 31/01/2016 19:50

I would not speak to them again and would hope that my husband wouldn't either.

ExConstance · 01/02/2016 07:02

No one of 40 invites me to a party, I'm out having fun with those who see old age beckoning over the next few years!

Seriously my comments were about how I would feel if ths was done to me and if someone unravelled my knitting I'd think that very off but I think the drawings in what OP says was a cheap sketch pad and the photos were not worth getting upset about. I asked DH, he said if his friends did that he would have a laugh.

I wonder whether with her love of solitary needlework in an atic and dislike of parties the Op has created a persona for herself that challenges some of her social set to ( misguidedly) wind her up a bit. If she is going to drop the offenders from the circle of friends I think subtlety is required, otherwise they will be dining out on the story for years.

riverboat1 · 01/02/2016 07:18

I guess with the camera no harm has been done, possibly the sketch book too (presuming it isnt ruined and/or wasnt expensive) but taking the pins out of he quilt is just mean. How is that even meant to be funny? It's just sabotaging something you took time over and will have to redo all over again.

Gabilan · 01/02/2016 07:25

Messing with an expensive camera whilst drunk? Not funny. Arse photos? Not exactly Wildean wit, is it. Did they know it was a cheap sketchpad? Swapping drawers around - puerile. And then unpinning the quilt. On what planet is any of that funny? It doesn't take intelligence, just a lot of spite.
If these people want to dine out on the story, fine. But the OP doesn't have to have anything to do with them.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 01/02/2016 07:29

If this was misjudged drunk fuelled nonsense they should be mortified now that they've upset you. I think I'd just avoid them and not have them back to the house.

PrettyBrightFireflies · 01/02/2016 07:34

If she is going to drop the offenders from the circle of friends I think subtlety is required, otherwise they will be dining out on the story for years.

Why should the OP care what they think of her? Given their behaviour, it's fair to say that their opinions are worthless to those for whom the OP has respect and time.

If these friends are incapable of respecting the OPs personality, interests and differences and are misguided enough to mock her by sabotaging the leisure activities that she enjoys, then they aren't suited as friends. The OP does not need to be subtle about distancing herself from someone she doesn't share values with - if these friends are so insecure that they feel rejected because the OP doesn't enjoy their company, then that's their problem.

Roussette · 01/02/2016 08:02

Constance I don't think it's OK... the OP said if it had been one thing like the drawing, that would be fine but it's the sum total of everything in a private room.

We have lots of parties. Some doors we close and don't expect anyone to go in there. Last big do we had, there were 60 here, so obviously a queue for the downstairs loo and it didnt bother me one bit that people were going upstairs to the other loo which had the light on and the door open.

However, I wouldn't expect them to go in our bedroom, go through things, find my camera, take pictures, write on notebooks I have in there, mess about with my clothes etc. The door was shut and no one went in there.

These guests made a point to go to a part of the house that was closed off and to mess about with private things. It's no different to my bedroom scenario. Would you honestly think that was OK, you wouldn't mind people rifling through your stuff?

YeOldeTrout · 01/02/2016 08:05

yanbu. These aren't friends, are they??

But I'm not understanding the hours of pins in quilt (just finished my 7th big quilt). Sounds totally unmanageable way of putting together a quilt. Or did you not mean a quilt but rather you pinned loads of patchwork pieces together in preparation for making a quilt?? .... ??

Spray or tack quilt together in future. At least you can fix that one with spray glue.

Nanny0gg · 01/02/2016 09:42

peggy and exconstance think you need to tell us where you were on the night of the party and post pictures of your area.

Yep. I was wondering if the party guests were on here...

I hope the OP's DH ignores those so-called 'friends' in the future.

0christmastree5 · 01/02/2016 10:00

Not funny, I'd be majorly po'd. Don't mention it to them so called friends it will add to their games.

ExConstance · 01/02/2016 10:06

NannyOgg - perhaps you should read the thread before repeating comments that have ben replied to. I have made it quite clear that I am much much older than the OP, in real life I am generally regarded as a bit of a dry stick, but I do have a wicked sense of humour and although I'd be far to busy chatting dancing and drinking if I was at a party ( and I can tell you the over 60's love to party, it is the thought of what lies ahead that gets you living like there is no tomorrow) I would be amused ( as would my engineer, pension trustee DH) if this happened to us. I certainly wasn't at OPs party.

The Op originally said that the pieces of the quilt were unpinned, later she said it was the layers, so not quite so bad.

I won't post again but I do despair of the lack of joie de vivre of the OP and if she wants to live out her days in an attic being antisocial and grumpy so be it.

YouGottaKeepEmSeparated · 01/02/2016 10:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Ellybellyboo · 01/02/2016 10:24

YeOlde. It's a patchwork quilt. I'd sewn the blocks together, and had pinned the 3 layers together ready to wrestle through my sewing machine. I've tried it with spray glue but found it moved around a bit more than I like so have gone back to pinning.

ExConstance. Don't worry, I'm not a crazy lady sitting alone in my cobwebby attic scowling at anyone who comes too close.

OP posts: