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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask how different life is with 2 children than with one?

116 replies

BasinHaircut · 30/01/2016 21:06

Considering a second child after previously ruling it out.

Would you tell me the best and worst/hardest and easiest things about having 2 children over one please?

My head is telling me to stick at one (for selfish reasons) but my heart is saying I need another one.

OP posts:

SaveSomeSpendSome · 30/01/2016 21:07

Sorry no advise but im in the same situation

SaveSomeSpendSome · 30/01/2016 21:07

Advice*

Original poster

BasinHaircut · 30/01/2016 21:09

How old is your DC save?

OP posts:

BathshebaDarkstone · 30/01/2016 21:12

When you're dealing with one the other one wants you.

If one has an after school club you have to find something to occupy the other one for 45 minutes.

The Storytime app in the dark under the covers is lovely and snuggly.

cornishglos · 30/01/2016 21:18

I have 2 but very different to you. My heart says 4, my head says 3!
I loved every second of having only one, and naively assumed that 2 would just be twice as much fun and love. It is, but...
Mine are just 2, and 12 weeks.

Best... a gorgeous toddler and a scrummy baby! We're never bored. I don't have to go to work. Baby sleeps way better than toddler did at this age which is a pleasant surprise, I'm not as tired as I had dreaded.

Worst... toddler hit terrible twos! No time as adults in the evenings. Worry more now, probably because toddler doesn't have my undivided attention so I worry about his behaviour.

Mostly I love it and think both kids are happy go be a sibling. Good luck x

OhWotIsItThisTime · 30/01/2016 21:18

I love having two. Watching ds1 become an amazing big brother who had to earn someone's love, rather than get it unconditionally. Seeing their relationship grow - they love each other.

Constant willing (most of the time) playmate. Means I'm more at ease as I'm not just focusing on one.

Yes, it can be tough when they are both demanding your attention and squabbling. But the advantages far far outweigh the negatives.

soundsofsodor · 30/01/2016 21:20

Watching them play together makes all the hard bits seem worthwhile.

DC are 3 and 9m and it's lovely to see them together.

Tiredness just now is a killer and as PP says it's hard when they both want you at once but I imagine (hope!) this will get better as they get older.

roaringfire · 30/01/2016 21:20

twice the work, twice the love, fun, happy times....they entertain eachother when they are not fighting

Scarydinosaurs · 30/01/2016 21:20

Two feels easier and harder. I've really enjoyed it until returning to work.

fourmonthstogo · 30/01/2016 21:22

The best - my dd ( 5 ) makes my baby ds laugh like nothing else, and she adores him- it's just wonderful to see. Sometimes when she's doing something simply to entertain him he'll look at me as if to say " did you see what she just did" with pure delight on his face.

The worst thing is that I have less time just for her, and I feel sad that I have less time to play with her when he is needing more attention. That and when I am sleep deprived I am grumpier than I'd like to be!

cornishglos · 30/01/2016 21:23

Oh yes. In answer to 'how different is life?'. Day to day, at home, no different. Toddler naps beautifully so I have time to myself every day. But getting out is much harder. No nipping out to post a letter with 2! I get less exercise as I use the car more. That's probably the worst thing.

Original poster

BasinHaircut · 30/01/2016 21:24

cornish we are already in the thick of the terrible twos (or just starting to come out of the other side I hope) so would be well past it by the time any baby arrived.

Probably wouldn't start TTC until much later this year and so likelihood is that DS would be starting or in school (August baby) around the time.

I don't think I could do 2 at home full time together. Haven't got that in me!

OP posts:

cornishglos · 30/01/2016 21:25

Quite different then. You'll be fine! X

GloGirl · 30/01/2016 21:25

My youngest is 1 and I am finding it hard but I think the best is yet to come.

Coldtoeswarmheart · 30/01/2016 21:27

Best thing - their relationship, which is independent of yours with either of them but really beautiful to watch.
Worst thing - keeping up with timetables for their respective activities once they're a bit older.
I had two miscarriages between my children and I seriously questioned why we kept trying, but I'm so very glad we did.

fourmonthstogo · 30/01/2016 21:29

Being on maternity leave when the older one starts school is amazing, I get to do all the pick ups and drop offs which I wouldn't have otherwise. It's a great age gap with the older one being able to help and reason with - and good company!

mrsmeerkat · 30/01/2016 21:30

It's not double the work. I have a 14 month age gap and it is go go go and I am tired but it is totally worth it

NickyEds · 30/01/2016 21:31

I have a just turned two year old ds and a 6 month old dd. We have good days and bad days. The good days out number the bad days 5 to 1!

The best- seeing them together is adorable, you've done it before so I found that I really enjoyed dd being a new born more than I did ds, there's always something to do...and, well you get another baby!

The worst/hardest- trying to balance the needs of two, Dp has found it tough because he just has to be involved, tiredness, cost.

I want a third.

fondationmaeght · 30/01/2016 21:33

I've found it incredible hard. A 2.5 age gap.ive really really struggled, but dc2 nearly a year and I'm getting in the swing of it. Make sure you have a nursery etc set up with the free 15 hours.
I felt there was just no time for me. But starting to change a bit.
Love the fact they baby looks up at the toddler and they totally love each other

GnomeDePlume · 30/01/2016 21:37

I remember when DS was born how grown-up DD suddenly looked (she was 3). We were a lot more relaxed when DS came along. I found the midwives a lot more friendly and less bossy second time around.

The change in the group dynamic caught me by surprise. I had thought about our relationship with the DCs individually and as a pair but I hadn't thought about their relationship with each other.

StrawberryLeaf · 30/01/2016 21:38

I never expected it to be so good, I found dc1 hard as a baby and wasn't sure whether to have another but in the end we did with a 3.5 year gap.

Best bits - loads, I enjoy seeing them play together, getting to use all the baby stuff again is great! Watching the baby mesmerised by her older sister. Looking forward to them growing as friends together hopefully (my sister is my best friend). Changing the dynamic of our family so dc1 isn't centre of the world anymore has actually been a good thing!

Bad bits - takes longer to get out the house!

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 30/01/2016 21:43

We have 3 DC now, but having two was wonderful. It's tough for a couple of years, but then they have each other as ready made playmates and it's fantastic.

They're still small now, but their relationship is wonderful. I get lots more done because they entertain each other so much. I say it so frequently in different contexts, but I'm genuinely convinced that having two is easier than having one child.

I'd love DC4, but that isn't really on the cards.

BringBackBagpuss · 30/01/2016 21:44

2 year gap. For some reason I was under the impression that having a second would be a bit cheaper... well, you've already got the baby stuff, but nursery is just as expensive, and you've already done all the cutting back on social life, etc, that having a first child entails!

But maternity leave second time round, though more tiring, I found so much more interesting, I mainly entertained the toddler and the baby was entertained by watching the toddler. But you do tend to look at first time mums, out in a group with their sleeping babies, having a quiet coffee, with seething resentment!

SarahJinx · 30/01/2016 21:46

Everyone has said it, the best bit is their relationship. I don't think I actually considered the 'them' bit when i was pregnant, but its mind blowing. That outside of me they have this bond with each other that belongs just to them. Its adorable and unique and its the beat nest thing and the thing I didn't expect. The worst is when they both want me at the same time and the lack of time just for me. Mine are 1.5 and 4.5, it works, its much much easier than I expected.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 30/01/2016 21:48

The only hard thing is the juggling aspect - the division of your attention, the refereeing of arguments, a bit of extra washing.

The best bit is that your child has a sibling, someone pretty much constantly present to play or fight with, a companionship that will hopefully last a life time. Will play with each other, rather than cosntantly demanding a parent's attention, so you and partner get time to exchange a few words together (occasionally!).

The benefits far outweigh the bad bits IME.

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