To ask how different life is with 2 children than with one?

[BasinHaircut]

Considering a second child after previously ruling it out.

Would you tell me the best and worst/hardest and easiest things about having 2 children over one please?

My head is telling me to stick at one (for selfish reasons) but my heart is saying I need another one.

[GingerNutRiskIt]

Having two is much easier than one except for the constant arguing and jealously and occasional fighting and constantly having to listen to "he did this" and "he said that" and "he broke my toy on purpose".
And I think I might possibly have one photograph where one of them isn't pulling a funny face or in a mood that they've been asked to have their picture taken.
But honestly.... It's much more fun with two.

[HeadDreamer]

Mine are nearly 5yo and 16mo.

The best bits are when they play nicely together. I can relax and read my book. DD1 always need someone to play with her. Now her sister can fill in for me or DH.

However they don't always play well together. DD1 can be mean, and DD2 obviously is at an age she doesn't share. It is sometimes very hard if they both want you. But we aren't outnumbered so we can have one adult to one child.

[WhoKn0wsWhereTheMistletoes]

My two are 23 months apart, 10 and 12 years old. They bicker A LOT. They both talk to me at the same time A LOT. Juggling their extra-currcular activities and social lives with work and my own activities and social life is very hard work.

But they are very good friends and I simply cannot imagine only having one, we have never for a second regretted the decision to have a second. Even in the early days it wasn't all that hard and having a second maternity leave while DS was still pre-school age was just brilliant.

[dontrunwithscissors]

Having a second seemed to triple the work. My sister said the same thing.

It has definitely been worth it, though. The two of them (6 & 8) are so happy playing together and will disappear for hours on end having fun. DH and I are left twiddling our thumbs not sure what to do with ourselves. two was def the right number for us.

[Twitterqueen]

When you and your DP are gone, your children will always have someone else to look out for them.

They will always have someone else to talk to about stuff that no-one will ever even begin to understand.

Your holidays, Holy days, every days will be blessed with interaction between your DCs that you have very little part in.

2 of my DCs are at uni. 1 still at home. They chat / IM at least 2 or 3 times a day. They are very close. They watch each other's back. If I die I know they will be OK

They will build sandcastles together on the beach.

I could give you a million reasons. But it's your choice xx

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

The kids entertain each other, stick up for each other, understand each other in a way you can't as an adult, boast about each other.

The worst is a non sleeping baby (really non sleeping - as in 2.5 years without a 3 hour stretch of sleep) when you have a school age child with the fixed requirements of getting up and out at set times and wanting friends around, activities etc. For me that was DC3 and DC1, I found DC1 & 2 (24 month gap, DC2 was a reasonable sleeper) very, very easy and very, very rewarding - DD was very demanding though well behaved, having a sibling gave her somebody else to focus on and play with besides me when we were at home without visitors and she only had one isolated incident of jealousy whe DC2 started walking (once pushed him over - just once).

My favourite moment was when big for his age, solid, stocky 2 year old launched himself at a 6 year old who threw sand in DD's face and hit him over the head with his spade, causing the much older boy to run home howling, and then gave his little-big sister a big hug - his defence of his 2 years older but petite, not much bigger, big sister made my cry, but I think its a very un-MN thing to admit to being sentimental about! :o

[Valentine2]

I think you should care better than me. DS1 was hardly 14 months when my second pregnancy started. With two kids under 3, it was utter madness. Sleepless nights were more sleepless if that is possible and of course I can't remember the last time I had some "me" time.
But bloody oxytocin makes sure I can never even imagine what I would do with one DC. I am head over heels with the idea of another one too,though with a gap now. DH longs for one more too.
You will do it far better than me I think. Good luck.

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

Twitter this "When you and your DP are gone, your children will always have someone else to look out for them.

They will always have someone else to talk to about stuff that no-one will ever even begin to understand."

Is not at all a given.


Its great your DC have that, but many, many, many siblings do not get on, or like each other fine but on't have much in common or much to do with each other as adults. I have no idea which is the norm, but somewhere between nothing to do with each other and the picture you paint I expect. I don't think a wishful idea of an adult sibling relationship is a good reason to decide to have an as yet unconceived baby.

[emsyj]

I think two is easier in lots of ways. I have a 5yo and a 3yo. They play nicely a lot of the time and seeing them play and talk together is lovely. The early days of a newborn and a toddler are hard, but I've pretty much forgotten that now! They are right now cuddled up in one bed together so they don't get lonely. Even though I know one or both of them will inevitably come and climb into bed with us later tonight because they'll get fed up with the other one kicking them/stealing the covers, it's so lovely to see them asleep curled up together.

[UnderTheGreenwoodTree]

We went for no.3 too, 3.5yrs after DS2. That was when the real madness set in

[SchnitzelVonKrumm]

Watching the relationships develop between my children (now 12, 9 and 6) has been one of the great joys of my life, and I say that as someone who was happily an only child.

[AliceThrewTheFookingGlass]

My youngest was born in October last year and my eldest was 2 in December.

The thing that's affected me the most is getting out of the house. DC1 is a very slow walker so I often use the stroller for him and have the baby in a sling. It just makes even a short trip to the shops a huge effort.

Day to day child stuff is much the same though. Granted I'm busier now but I'm basically doing all the same things I was doing anyway (expect mammoth BF sessions) just more of it. I think having more to do suits me quite well. If I sit down for too long I loose all motivation to do anything.

I'm absolutely in no hurry to have a third mind.

[WhoKn0wsWhereTheMistletoes]

I agree no guarantees about their adult relationship though, my brother and I get along ok but only speak a few times a year, only see each other about once a year, we live quite far apart and have very little in common.

[marshmallowpies]

DC1 is 3, DC2 just about to turn 1, age gap is 2 years 9 months. DC1 came out of nappies just as DC2 was around 6 weeks old - I thought potty training with a newborn in the house would be hell but it was actually fine, it was early spring, we were indoors a lot, the worst was over in a few days. Having the older one into pants was a huge relief as I was dreading changing 2 lots of nappies all the time.

DC2 has been a much more high need child and sleeps a lot less; DH and I haven't had a night out in a year as the thought of leaving her with a babysitter is just too stressful, whereas we never thought twice about it with DC1. Maintaining a social life and keeping up with friends who don't have kids is much harder - 2 parents with 1 child turning up to social functions, parties, etc are a bit more manageable, as one adult can look after the child while the other chats to people, but with 2 kids you have your hands full. I do feel I have to make a huge effort to keep up with people and feel a bit sad that some friendships are falling by the wayside. I would love to have a weekend away with DH some time but it won't be for a while. On the plus side we've made a real effort to do stuff at weekends that we enjoy and worked on making sure we do the kind of holidays we like, after doing a few awkward 'family holidays' with the PILs when DC1 was little. Now with 2 kids we can justify doing our own thing to please ourselves and not try to fit in with other family members, and we've both enjoyed ourselves much more as a result.

The real upside is how much fun it is getting to do it all over again. DC1 is such a fascinating, entertaining child and such good company when not being a terror. DC2 is adorable and means the world to me - I had a miscarriage in between the two pregnancies and that really made me realise how much I wanted a second. As others have said, they adore each other and are so much fun together.

[kavvLar]

I have a 3yr 9mo age gap here. I agree with plenty of the other posters. It was nice being on mat leave when the eldest started school, so I could settle them in for that first bit, but tricky getting two out of the house.

I feel like we jumped to dd1s every whim as pfb, and that it has done her the world of good to have someone to take the focus off her. They get on beautifully, far better than I ever hoped for. They are now five and 22 months, and are an absolute pleasure.

Don't get me wrong, they do my head in on many occasions. Someone always wants something, they tag team you at bedtime and it is a lot harder hauling the smallest one around the eldest's after school activities, parties etc, once they are past baby stage and want to join in. I've found if everything goes to plan it is great, but if one or two things are out of alignment it can make problems - just takes one to throw a strop and the other to do a poo and you're beyond late.

I'm pleased we did it though. There is nothing in the world more lovely than when they cuddle each other or curl up and watch tv. I think this is it for us now though, had flirted with the idea of three but I think two is my personal limit.

[Needaninsight]

Just getting out of the house is horrendous with a baby and a toddler so try to leave a bigger gap than 18months

Actually, still horrendous now as youngest wants to walk, but needs reins and eldest is not reliable enough (safety wise) to be hands free!

So i'd say the hardest thing is just going anywhere.

But it's lovely watching them play together.

One is ridiculously easy. I sometimes (make that rarely) have the odd morning where I only have one of them and omg, the things that we can do sooo easily!! But maybe you only realise it's easy if you have more than one!

[coffeeisnectar]

There's a 7 year gap between my two and its a mixed blessing. Teen is 17 now and old enough to look after dd 2 if needed and as a rule they have a good relationship. Dd 2 gets frustrated if teen doesn't want to spend time with her.

But it was easier when they were little. Both had my attention as babies/toddlers and activities were fine as I just put baby in a sling so I could take older one. It just worked out. And I just muddled along.

There's only two years between me and one sister and we don't have a close relationship but I'm very close to the one who is 5 years younger than me.

[onecurrantbun1]

We have two girls with a 26 month gap (currently 2 & 4)... expecting DD3 next week with a 25 month gap. So, clearly, I've loved it.

I am much more relaxed with DD2. Her speech is very very good from having her big sister around. I am at home full time which I think makes things a bit easier, but I certainly wouldn't say it's double the work. Stuff like setting up craft activities and getting up at 6 something on a Sunday - well you kind of may as well do it for two as one! Obviously I'm nervous about having 3 at home (DD1 does 2 nursery days a week buy other than that I'll have all 3 around fulltime) but having DD1 and 2 at home together was no bother. We soon got into the swing of things! I found mornings our most productive time so got a bit of housework done, tea prepped and out early so if the day went to pot I'd achieved something.
There is such joy in their relationship and constant amazement and excitement from DH and I when we compare and contrast the girls. On paper they're very similar but the nuances in their different personalities are a constant source of amusement and wonder.

However I did find it hard the change from "couple with a baby" where we still went to music festivals and out for dinner to "family" - friends dont have us over for tea anymore as we are such a brood, and things do require more planning.

[PinguForPresident]

2 is hard. Really, really hard. Mine are nearly 3 years apart in age.

First I had a newborn and an older toddler: HARD

Then I had a mobile baby and a pre-schooler: ruddy awful

Then I had a toddler and a pre-schooler(Autumn born ) who really didn't iunderstand why she couldn't gto to school: worst year of my life

Then I had a Receptioner and a toddler re-learning how to toddle after being v ill with meningitis: much easier. Quite a pleasant year

Then it was Pre-schooler and stroppy Y1 child: Tough. Both with v different needs and wants. Hard bloody work

If I had my time again, I'd stick at 1. I envy my friends with 1 child so much: they have time to do things, the have money to do things, they don't have to worry about balancing the needs of 2 very different kids. Parenting one is a doddle, even if #1 is challenging (god knows my #1 is challenging!)

The only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that I have an amazing relationship with my own brothers and I hope my 2 can replicate that.

[GiddyOnZackHunt]

Having one is quite ordered. Having 2 is a juggling act. When you're on your own with them it's often refereeing. Depending on their personalities it can be a guiding hand or the Jerry Springer show.
The up side is when the older one takes the younger one off to play and the younger one is beyond happy and they giggle together while you potter happily. And I know mine won't be best mates but I think they'll have a bond. My db and I see each other 3 or 4 times a year. In a crisis, we're there.

[CaptainCrunch]

I have 2. Older girl with younger brother, four year gap. There is no "worst" for me, only best.

[Xmasbaby11]

Mine are 2 and 4, both girls.

Best
They adore each other and the older one makes up songs about how much she loves her sister. When they hold hands and giggle my heart could burst with love.
We wanted 2 children and i now have a feeling of completeness. It just feels right having two children, for us.

Worst
So skint. So, so skint.
It's twice the work of one. One of them always wants something, always.
My parents could help with one child, but they can't manage two, it's just too much for them. So Dh and I rarely get a break.

I'm very lucky we had the 2dc we wanted. It is a lot of work and a strain on my relationship with Dh, however I think that's down to character - dd1 doesn't stop talking and is hyperactive.

[WanderingTrolley1]

12 month age gap between mine (1 & 2).

I've found it incredibly hard-going..

[TheseAreTheDays]

Its a tough one,for me definitely I find the positives outweigh the negatives,but there are negatives too. I've two girls,elder is 3 years and other is nine months. Neither were great sleepers,older girl sleeps now but baby still wakes 6-9 times every night. With my older girl I could do the cliche and sleep when she slept but no chance of that now. And I'm snappy with toddler when I'm tired and then I feel guilty,and I feel guilty that with my older girl I read to her and played on the floor with her and she had all my attention all day at home. So she crawled at six months, cruised and pulled herself up at seven months and walked at year old,and has always been great talker etc. Nine month is still showing no signs of crawling, it may just be different personality etc but I feel guilty that it's down to less attention from me. I do feel torn a dozen times a day between playing with toddler or tending to baby,or cleaning the house (cleaning almost always loses!)

Having said all that the biggest smiles that my baby ever gives is when she sees her big sister,and toddler runs around picking up toys for her etc and I hope that as baby gets mobile and more "grown up" they'll be able play together more.

I certainly find it a lot more work at the moment than just having one,but I do love it,and I'd have another one right away if I was allowed!

[Katedotness1963]

Mine are 21 months apart. They get along really great, have interests in common and apart, look out for each other. There were a few years where bedtime was a nightmare but other than that it's been fine, no downsides. They're teenagers now and, so far so good!