To ask how different life is with 2 children than with one?

[BasinHaircut]

Considering a second child after previously ruling it out.

Would you tell me the best and worst/hardest and easiest things about having 2 children over one please?

My head is telling me to stick at one (for selfish reasons) but my heart is saying I need another one.

[PennyHasNoSurname]

Ds is 15mo and dd is 4.2.

A pregnancy with a 2/3yo was Hard Work. Hard. So a baby and a 3yo was easy for a good while!

Sleep regressions, teething, the bit where they want to be mobile but arent, the bit where they want to communicate but cant - all harder when you also have a 3/4yo vying for the rest of your attention.

However slowly slowly things will get easier. I cant wait for a time when they are, say, 7&3

Or 18 and 21 and hopefully away at uni.

[FixItUpChappie]

I have a 2.4 gap and found the first 1.5 yr of DS2's life very challenging. I had to really grow and stretch as a person. However, it's sooooo worth it. More work, more mess, more lively, more fun, more love, more cuddles, more family....and the bond between them is something I've certainly never experienced. Absolute best friends and companions - it's the sweetest magic, it really is.

[UnderTheGreenwoodTree]

I know there will be exceptions, but I think most 2nd babies are easier - as a parent, you've been there, done that - you know what you're doing. Of course you have the older child to care for too - who often gets jealous. It is hard at first - but for us the older they've got, the easier it gets.

As I said, we've got 3 now- because we had 2 boys, and I wanted to try for a girl, and I think the hardest was newborn - preschooler - Yr 1 Primary. SO much to-ing and fro-ing, all the time juggling baby's feeds/naps. I can barely remember those times, it was such a whirlwind

Having the 3 of them, now, though is like having our own little gang. It's lovely even though they still fight.

[Katenka]

I have two with a seven year age gap.

Honestly until the last year or so it was hard.

I loved the age gap as dd could entertain herself and help out.

The pros (now the youngest is almost 5) is that they entertain each other, are happy to see one another. The main pro is that none of us would be without ds.

The cons are the squabbling, trying to find something to do that suits both, hobbies are hard. Mine both do the same one but the oldest does it more often. So dh has to be home so I can leave da behind. When he was little it was trying to keep in entertained. School stuff is difficult. 2 lots of parents assemblies, two lots of trips etc.

We are so much busier with two. But it's totally worth it. I can't imagine just having a preteen. My con list is longer but that's because I can't see direct advantages of having two but wouldn't be without our second.

[nutellacrumpet]

Mine are 2 and 4... It is easier with 2. 2nd time round you know exactly what you are doing. Breastfeeding is easier. You can handle the sleepless nights as you know it will end eventually. You already have your Mum friends and a support network. And then the youngest gets a bit older and they both happily play for hours and entertain each other. It is great. Our 2nd child just slotted right into our lives.

[Cymraesfach]

I have a gap of three years between first and second child, I would recommended that gap. First was out of nappies, out of buggy and past terrible twos phase. I really enjoyed being on maternity leave with both of them. They are best friends and entertain each other. My eldest (of 3) who's now 9 thinks it's very sad if a child doesn't have a sibling.

[CPtart]

I was the same as you and we went for another. Best thing we ever did. It was harder having one the first time around than having two the second time IYSWIM.
Watching their relationship grow and develop (good and bad) is the single most rewarding and heart warming part of parenting.

[waitingforsomething]

I have DD 3.2 and DS coming up for 7 months. Hardest thing is that someone always has to wait when they both need something (usually DS) and that if one of them sleeps in a bit the other doesn't!
Best thing is how much they like each other- DD is so happy to have a little brother and he is overjoyed every time she pays attention to him.
0-1 is harder than 1-2 definitely

[Okiedokiefanokie]

There are 4 years between mine, and DD, the oldest, is just heading into puberty. I spend most of my "free" time refereeing arguments that occasionally turn physical, but mostly it is constant bickering.

Good points...errr.... DD is old enough to make DS breakfast.?

[CharmingChampignon]

Mine are 20 months apart and I found pregnancy and the first year very, very hard. However, I so glad we did it. They are 6 & 4 and adore each other, do everything together, know each other better than anyone. One of my greatest joys is watching them interact and share experiences.

And we now have number 3 and I love that dc1 & 2 can go off and play together etc.

[cymrukernow]

My DD is now 9, my DS 12. Nearly 3 yrs gap. I always wanted 2 and no regrets at all. The first couple of years with my daughter was hard though. She was more demanding than my chilled out DS. One thing that always seems to happen is that you have 2 different personalities.
Once they were both walking was when the really good times started for me. They are funny, loving kids who get on most of the time.

[Bumpsadaisie]

It's of course hard work when they are both very little. But I think easier than having one once the youngest gets over say 3.5/4.

If you only have one, it is a very different dynamic. Mine are 6 and 4 now and amuse themselves together all weekend, getting on very well save for the odd bust up. I can potter about doing jobs, reading, MNetting, chatting to DH.

Friends with only one have to spend much more time entertaining their children and playing with them. Which is also lovely in its way, but I think their weekends are much harder work than mine!

That said the first 4 years or so of having two is hard work, especially if your eldest is still quite little themselves.

[ToastyFingers]

Dd1 is 2.5 and dd2 is 3weeks.
Obviously, I only have 3 weeks experience to draw upon, so my limited advice would be:
If possible, wait till your eldest is toilet trained and in nursery/school.

Two at home all day is lovely, but a bit smothering and two lots of nappies is a bit grim, that being said, with no school runs etc, it doesn't matter if we're not dressed till midday.

[BibaDiba]

The first few weeks..months maybe.. I was a mess. I found it really hard to adjust to be honest and I hadn't really prepared myself for how sad I'd be about it not just being me and my son anymore. We were very close and would spend all day together, napping together, playing together, etc. so when baby came he had to take a bit of a back seat and I was more upset about that than he seemed to be!
My daughter is 7 months old now and I absolutely love seeing them together. My son adores her. The other night before bedtime he reached over to her and said "aw I love you sissy."
I find it challenging when they tag team me. You get one to sleep or one settled playing with something and behaving with some decorum and the other one kicks off. Some nights at least one is awake at any given time and you're just like "FUCK THIS." but sweet moments like I mentioned before make up for it. I wouldn't have it any different now, honestly.

[BibaDiba]

Sorry forgot to add my son was 2 year 8 months when she was born x

[BasinHaircut]

Potty training started today toasty!

[ToastyFingers]

Aha! Go for it then!
I never thought I wanted a second, until I saw all the lovely little babies with their chubby legs out a few summers ago, and realised dd wasn't so little any more.
I'm definitely done now though until summer 2017.

[Dontneedausername]

My 2 are a year apart and it was dreadful!
My second was a nightmare sleeper, reflux etc etc.
Now he is almost 4 it's starting to get better. But the constant bickering between him and his sister is bloody ridiculous!
But the are fiercely protective of each other and are starting to play together now.
I am a SAHM mum though, so I had them all day, everyday so I don't know how I managed it looking back!

[BasinHaircut]

I've already had the reflux, CMPA, asthma/constant chest infections so that doesn't phase me!

Thanks everyone. I thought the responses on this thread might put me off but they aren't!

[MrsMook]

Cons: something like a 5 minute walk to the post box becomes a Herculean task. It's taken over half an hour before.
Mine have different allergies. Thanks dudes.

Pros: yy to entertaining each other and their bond.
I think socially DS2 is very good for DS1 who has to rise to the challenge set by his little brother who is more confident. DS1 can be quite reclusive, and having a sibling has encouraged his social skills e.g. sharing, negotiating.

No regrets about 2 despite the logistics of pregnancy (involving crutches) and a grumpy toddler. In the 2 or 3 wilderness at present. Heart says yes. Brain says no more complications!

[Bumpsadaisie]

I guess one thing that hasnt been pointed out is that it depends a good deal on what the two children in question are like.

A relatively easy-going toddler plus an easy-going baby is MUCH easier than a very high needs toddler plus very high needs baby!

You can't really predict how that's going to turn out so it is a bit of a gamble! I guess if you go for say a 3.5/4 year age gap you can perhaps maximise the chance that your eldest will be on the road to civilisation by the time the baby arrives (although many people say that ages three and four were harder than age two!) However, too big an age gap and you may lose the "playing together" advantage in later years ... four years between them is quite different to two years between them ... A conundrum!

[GnomeDePlume]

Mine are now 20, 17 and 16. Age gaps are 3 years & 15 months.

For us adjusting to being parents was the biggest step so the step from 0 to 1. I had PND after DC1 was born. I was worried about it happening again with DC2 but it didnt. The whole thing was a different experience. Far more relaxed and we were just far better at managing.

[TheSkiingGardener]

Their relationship is an amazing wonderful thing

When they fight the whole house is just one giant noise filled wrestling ring

When they both want me I cannot physically split myself in two

When you only have one because the other one is elsewhere life seems so simple!

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

Bumps but if you have a 4 year age gap your DC1 might be at full time school when the baby arrives, meaning that when you are up all night feeding and get to sleep at 5.30am you cannot stick cbeebies on when the toddler gets up and have a duvet morning, but instead have to get your small DC1 up, breakfasted and dressed and wake your baby from their first decent stretch of sleep to wrap them up and put them in the car seat/ pram, and do the school run, on which your non sleeping baby has their morning while you are walking with the pram or driving, leaving you with a wide awake baby who will not fall asleep again until 10 minutes before you need to leave to fetch your DC1...

I have a 24 month age gap and then a 3.5 year age gap (5.5 years from DC1 to 3). The smaller age gap was approximately 9 million times easier! Though that was also because DC2 slept like a text book baby - 20 mnute feeds and 3 hours of sleep, rinse and repeat all night til he slept thorough at 9 months (easy peasy) where DC3 woke hourly for a lot of his first 3 years, and a good night when he was under 2 included a couple of 2 hour sleep blocks. Without fail his deepest, longest block of sleep started about 30 minutes before I needed to get up with DC1 for school and DC2 for preschool, and he took his only naps taking DC2 to and from preschool...

[BlondeOnATreadmill]

As morbid as this sounds, think of the long term...when you are no longer here, it is good for your children to have a sibling. Partners come and go. Friends come and go. Siblings are companions for life. I have a DS who is 19 and a DD who is 17. They argued a lot when young. They are now firm friends. DS is away at Uni and DD visits him for lunch. It's all very lovely. I know when I am gone, they will have each other.