Let's look at the objective facts. If you're single but want to be married, you're all about trapping some poor man and therefore selfishly denying him his freedom, if you're single but don't want to be married, you're a ball-breaker, poss a lesbian, and definitely a man-hater and selfishly unnatural. If you're sexually active on top of that, then you're also a slut. If you want to have kids, you are selfishly listening to your own biological needs; if you don't want to have kids you are selfishly prioritising three trips to long-haul destinations each year over your biological imperative and anyway who will wipe your arse when you're 93? Having kids in itself opens up an entire vista of selfishness - if you're young when you have them, you're irresponsible and selfishly thinking of your own gratification over the financial security of your offspring. If you wait until you're older then you will selfishly bleed the nhs dry single-handedly due to the multiple medical complications you will encounter, plus you will probably die before your kids reach the age of 5 which is of course, you guessed, selfish.
And it doesn't stop there. If you have one child only, they will be weird and introverted and possibly be a serial killer. You have therefore raised a serial killer due to your selfish desire to take control of your fertility. More than one, and don't you know that there's a population crisis, and how dare you add more humans to the already suffering and overcrowded planet, you selfish bitch. If you breastfeed any of your one or many children, you're doing it for yourself really, but if you bottle-feed you might as well inject them with heroin.
As soon as you've pushed the baby out of your vagina (or had him/her cut through your stomach, which is obviously what the really selfish women do, due to them selfishly opting for major abdominal surgery which leaves them unable to pick up so much as a measuring jug for six weeks due to being too posh to push), the fun starts all over again with considering whether or not go to back to work. This is obviously less of a consideration for men, who are either providing for their family (heroes) or looking after their family (heroes). If a woman wants to provide for her family, she is a cold-hearted bitch career woman and nobody knows why she even had children if all she wanted to do is farm them out to strangers. On the other hand, if she wants to stay at home, she's a sponger and why the fuck did she bother going to university anyway.
Anything I've missed?