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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that women should just accept that they are selfish and that everything they do is wrong?

86 replies

youmustbekidding · 30/01/2016 15:43

Let's look at the objective facts. If you're single but want to be married, you're all about trapping some poor man and therefore selfishly denying him his freedom, if you're single but don't want to be married, you're a ball-breaker, poss a lesbian, and definitely a man-hater and selfishly unnatural. If you're sexually active on top of that, then you're also a slut. If you want to have kids, you are selfishly listening to your own biological needs; if you don't want to have kids you are selfishly prioritising three trips to long-haul destinations each year over your biological imperative and anyway who will wipe your arse when you're 93? Having kids in itself opens up an entire vista of selfishness - if you're young when you have them, you're irresponsible and selfishly thinking of your own gratification over the financial security of your offspring. If you wait until you're older then you will selfishly bleed the nhs dry single-handedly due to the multiple medical complications you will encounter, plus you will probably die before your kids reach the age of 5 which is of course, you guessed, selfish.

And it doesn't stop there. If you have one child only, they will be weird and introverted and possibly be a serial killer. You have therefore raised a serial killer due to your selfish desire to take control of your fertility. More than one, and don't you know that there's a population crisis, and how dare you add more humans to the already suffering and overcrowded planet, you selfish bitch. If you breastfeed any of your one or many children, you're doing it for yourself really, but if you bottle-feed you might as well inject them with heroin.

As soon as you've pushed the baby out of your vagina (or had him/her cut through your stomach, which is obviously what the really selfish women do, due to them selfishly opting for major abdominal surgery which leaves them unable to pick up so much as a measuring jug for six weeks due to being too posh to push), the fun starts all over again with considering whether or not go to back to work. This is obviously less of a consideration for men, who are either providing for their family (heroes) or looking after their family (heroes). If a woman wants to provide for her family, she is a cold-hearted bitch career woman and nobody knows why she even had children if all she wanted to do is farm them out to strangers. On the other hand, if she wants to stay at home, she's a sponger and why the fuck did she bother going to university anyway.

Anything I've missed?

OP posts:
Warmworm · 30/01/2016 16:35

It's all true in my experience Sad

VertigoNun · 30/01/2016 16:36

Sadly true.

Pannn · 30/01/2016 16:38

you lost me after the "let's look at the objective facts"....but didn't.

Arfarfanarf · 30/01/2016 16:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

harshbuttrue1980 · 30/01/2016 16:48

I don't think that men have it easy either. A SAHM = a devoted mum. A SAHD = cocklodger. A woman who wants to keep her pre-marital assets in her own name after marriage = sensible. A man who wants to do the same = dump him quick! A woman who earns more than her DP = if he tells her how to spend "her money", he's a financial abuser. If the man earns more, "all money is family money" and he can't treat himself without asking permission. I'm a woman btw!

The80sweregreat · 30/01/2016 16:49

This is one of the best things ive read read in a long time. So true. We cant win.

The80sweregreat · 30/01/2016 16:51

Only meant to put read once..

DaggerEyes · 30/01/2016 16:51

I once didn't shrink to accommodate the men around me who wanted to dominate the space, I still feel bad for being so aggressive.

CaptainCrunch · 30/01/2016 16:51

I find the op seriously depressing and all the people saying it's funny and so true very depressing too. I don't know what sort of people you're all mixing with but I'm happy to say I don't know anyone who supports this view.

tillytown · 30/01/2016 16:53

Sadly very true

MaisyMooMoo · 30/01/2016 16:54

Over the years I've heard every one of those opinions expressed at some point or another.

OurBlanche · 30/01/2016 16:58

Oddly, despite my 5 decades on the planet, I have only ever heard them here, or the DM. In real life I have only ever heard people, male and female, laughing at the latest DM crap, or discussing some unknown 'other' who is reported as having said such tripe.

BackforGood · 30/01/2016 17:02

What LotsofShoes said in the first response, and then what Pann has said on P2 :
you lost me after the "let's look at the objective facts"....but didn't

I'm very sorry you seem to be in such a bad place, but you can't honestly think they are "objective facts" Hmm

wasabipeanut · 30/01/2016 17:03

I think the OP is correct & DNBU. I'm very angry at the moment about lots of things. Read Caitlin Moran's version of Rudyard Kiplings "If" written from a women's standpoint. It's in The Times magazine today. Bloody brilliant.

SoThatHappened · 30/01/2016 17:11

So what do we say about men who never want to marry?

BimBam · 30/01/2016 17:15

Erm slightly dramatic post

The80sweregreat · 30/01/2016 17:18

My dh knows lots of single men that are now 'getting on '. They are now at the age where they really want a young, pretty, slim type with her own business or home, financially secure and totally devoted to them only. Willing to overlook their bachelor ways, beer guts, lack of hair etc etc. they do believe this woman is out there for them, just havent met her yet..😉

roundaboutthetown · 30/01/2016 17:19

Yawn. It doesn't matter who or what you are talking about, there will always be opinionated people in the world and what is a virtue to one person is a vice to another. Conflating all opinions ever heard into one schizophrenic societal position isn't particularly helpful. It just translates as, you can't please all the people all of the time and if you are trying to, you are probably a woman. Grin

Sallystyle · 30/01/2016 17:19

I find the op seriously depressing and all the people saying it's funny and so true very depressing too. I don't know what sort of people you're all mixing with but I'm happy to say I don't know anyone who supports this view.

I'm 'mixing' with MNers.

Just read threads on here and it will show you how true a lot of this is.

I have been told I am selfish for having so many kids, my older ones must be raising my younger ones etc while on another thread people are being told that having an only child is selfish. WOHM are often called selfish for working and 'farming' their children out, SAHM's are often accused of being lazy or wrong for relying on their husbands financially.

Of course there are lots of sensible posters here but the OP does have a point sadly. I do also agree that men can't win either on MN. Fuck it, on MN everything you do is wrong to someone and up for judgment Grin

While my circle of friends and family don't judge me as always being wrong, it seems like in society women are always wrong, because lets face it, it's not often men are judged for not turning up to a school play because they were working, or judged for going back to work a week after their baby was been born, or working full stop.

Sallystyle · 30/01/2016 17:22

Excuse the poor grammar above!

'their baby was been born' is still making me cringe. Blush

MissFlight · 30/01/2016 17:24

Sadly, that is very accurate Sad

BimBam · 30/01/2016 17:26

Mn isn't real life has anyone in the world ever actually been judged for not attending the school play? Grin

BlackEyedPeas · 30/01/2016 17:27

Dear OP, I am afraid that some of the stuff you described .... i do not agree with it .....

MadeMan · 30/01/2016 17:29

"Anything I've missed?"

Hogging the main telly to watch Eastenders.

annandale · 30/01/2016 17:33

Loved the OP. Admittedly I hear a lot of this in the media rather than in RL but certainly not only in the Fail, or even in the Murdoch newsletters.