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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to shut my dog away?

463 replies

NotthespecialONE · 30/01/2016 14:34

Bit of background - DD has had a bit of a rough time at school lately, one girl has gone out of her way to exclude my daughter from the group of girls she's friends with - generally making my dds life very unpleasant at school.
Also she has found it very hard when a new sibling came along a few months ago, she was very jealous and frustrated and her behaviour deteriorated at home.

On the recommendation of her school we involved SS to get her some help, they put in place a wishes and feelings programme for my dd where they allocated her a worker to see her twice a week, one visit at home and one outside of the home environment - first week of visits started this past week.
Lady called me to arrange a day and time for first home visit and asked if I have a dog, I said yes I do and she said the dog would have to be out of the way while she was round as she got bitten by a dog when she was a child and is petrified of them, while I don't doubt that must of been absolutely horrific for her I'm now in a dilemma cos I have no idea how I'm supposed to shut my dog away and to be honest I don't want to have to shut my dog away.
On the first visit I put my dog with my ds in his bedroom but at times I could hear my dog scratching and whining at the door to get out! He's never been shut away anywhere so it must of been very confusing for him! Second home visit is arranged for this Tuesday, ds has a football match after school so won't be home to have the dog in his bedroom, I don't want to shut my dog away in any room on his own.
I want my dd to continue on the programme as she has really enjoyed the first week and hopefully it's going to really beneficial for her but what am I going to do with my dog on her visits?

OP posts:
Sadik · 30/01/2016 17:41

To be honest, I'd struggle to have my dog both out of sight and silent. We have a smallish and quite open plan house, and while it's no problem at all to have him in a different room from a visitor, I"m struggling to think how he could be completely invisible and there to be no signs of him at all.

I've had an awful lot of visitors, including children scared of dogs, and I've never known anyone not to be happy with the dog confined in another room but on the other side of a glass door - if they're really scared I tie him up, too, so it's obvious he can't get out. This social worker's fear really does sound extreme.

Sadik · 30/01/2016 17:43

"if it meant selling the fucking mutt just so your daughter's needs can be properly attended to by this professional, I would do it."

Hmm - I can just imagine how a distressed child's emotional wellbeing would be helped by getting rid of their pet . . .

OttiliaVonBCup · 30/01/2016 17:44

Shutting the dog away actually makes it worse, because that causes the scratching and whining and yapping and it makes the SW all jumpy.

ironically, the dog would have been much happier and calmer with OP's presence.

Sounds like extra dog walking might be the only option.

Also, dogs are highly beneficial for children who have been bullied. A good SW should recognise it and use it.

TitClash · 30/01/2016 17:45

Just get a step through stair gate and put him in the kitchen with his bed and a chew.
We train all our dogs to do this so theres no hassle. They prefer the gate as they dont feel shut in like they would if you shut the door.

Sadik · 30/01/2016 17:46

"They prefer the gate as they dont feel shut in like they would if you shut the door."

I think the problem is that the social worker has to be not able to see the dog at all.

Headofthehive55 · 30/01/2016 17:47

shamoo extreme dislike rather than terror. They make me quite agitated. But no two children think I'm mad the other two get agitated too!

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 30/01/2016 17:47

Change dog for spider and I hope people would be a bit more understanding - I imagine her level of fear is like mine if I knew there was a big hairy spider outside scratching to get in

Excellent point Tally

Or wasps...

People's stupid irrational fears of spiders and wasps are almost unanimously, and sometimes aggressively, defended on MN... Suggestions that people should do something about their phobia of wasps when they are causing their friends and family and total strangers annoyance, inconvenience and occasional danger are generally angrily shot down... (WIBU to leap out of the driving seat of a moving cart leaving my children to crash into a wall because there was a wasp in the car - no of course not, I totally understand, I would have done the same, post 17 MNers... Hmm You should get therapy, you could kill somebody - a pedestrian if not your own kids, posts a lone MNer... Oh but I'd be too afraid the therapy might involve exposing me to wasps, I'd be terrified, says OP - we totally understand, people who don't have a phobia don't get it, post 97 MNers)...

What if the SW had to go to a dirty house full of spiders webs and spiders and had a phobia of spiders... More sympathy then I suspect, and its just as likely to be part of her job...

user7755 · 30/01/2016 17:47

Just put the dog in a different room and stick the radio on for a bit to drown out the noise and given him a bit of company.

Some people are scared of dogs, this isn't worthy of criticism, it's an unfortunate situation but really not one to be moaning about. You are incredibly lucky to be getting this level of support for your daughter, incredibly lucky. Its standard practice for visiting professionals to ask for dogs to be out of the room when visits happen - usually because of the risk of being bitten and the distraction which takes place.

Just train the dog, I'm sure it won't be the last time that someone who is scared of or not keen on dogs will visit the house.

diplodocus · 30/01/2016 17:48

I have a dog and would automatically shut her away for a "professional" type meeting in my home as it's quite distracting if nothing else. I'm amazed you think this is so unreasonable, even without her fear of dogs. Do you never shut him / her away - visiting children etc.? I find an amazing amount of my DDs friends are afraid of dogs so mine is shut away quite a bit.

PosieReturningParker · 30/01/2016 17:54

So you'd rather the SW didn't come for your daughter or be petrified of your dog?

Some people don't like dogs, if someone was spending time with my child to improve their lives I'd be happy to shut my dog away, perfectly nice people have fears, irrational or otherwise. .

Br75 · 30/01/2016 17:57

I always put dogs out if we have visitors Grin

Cheerfulmarybrown · 30/01/2016 17:59

I haven't read the whole post (maybe I should have!) but walk the dog before the visit.

Get a stuffed kong and put the dog in a room with the kong and it should be happy.

All dogs need to learn to spend time and be happy on their own and this is a good opportunity to start.

I work with dogs and all dogs should be trained to be happy with their own company for a short time. It is a vital life skill for them. Dogs need time to chill and relax.

If your dog is not happy on his hown then build up to this each day. Give the dog exercise and attention then leave on his own for a short period - then gradually build this up.

Ameliablue · 30/01/2016 18:00

I think for the sake of her daughter, the op will probably have to sort something out with the dog but I don't feel she is being unreasonable in feeling that the sw is being unreasonable.
Her phobia is clearly affecting her work and that should be addressed

Jux · 30/01/2016 18:00

Is there really no one who could take the dog while the visit's going? A friend or relative who could just have the dog at their place for that time? Not walking him, just letting him play or sleep and having a bit of a cuddle now and then?

Upthenoonoo · 30/01/2016 18:05

I work as a community nurse and encounter this situation all the time. The way i look at it is your home your rules BUT i will not enter if you do not lock the dog away this is your choice.

AcrossthePond55 · 30/01/2016 18:06

Our dog is crate trained and does very well & is quiet shut in his crate in the same room as us where he can see what's going on or in his crate when we're gone. But if we put him in a separate room (we've tried it with our RV and sitting outside) he barks and whines because he wants to be with us. We've found that if we put the TV on he does much better, probably because he can't hear us.

I think the best you can do is crate him, put on telly or radio and tell the SW he's crated but that you cannot guarantee he will be silent.

But I do agree that the SW should be getting help. I'm surprised her employer hasn't insisted on it. Or maybe they have, and she is, who knows.

chillycurtains · 30/01/2016 18:16

Dog isn't more important than my daughter but this is my dogs home
No, if you don't shut the dog away then yes you are saying by the implication in your actions that the dog is more important than your daughter actually.

Get a grip and put your DD first and shut the dog away for an hour. Seriously.

PosieReturningParker · 30/01/2016 18:23

No one is asking you to put your dog down.... just shut out away from the SW.

ThirtyNineWeeks · 30/01/2016 18:23

Here's the thing: right now, until your daughter's mental health issues have been dealt with, the professional coming to your home - to make your child better - is more important than the dog.

comingintomyown · 30/01/2016 18:25

Amazing thread.

I don't see that your dog would be confused or traumatised by a few walks with the walker outside of what will be become the long term routine.

Xmasbaby11 · 30/01/2016 18:30

You should shut your dog away. It upsets me when dog owners put their pets before people. My dd who was 18 mo at the time was terrified of dogs and my friend, whose house we were at, wouldn't shut her dog away. So cruel.

SuburbanRhonda · 30/01/2016 18:57

Tell you something, OP, when my DD was so crippled with depression and anxiety that we were terrified she would never recover, I would have put DH in a cage if it meant we got the kind of service your DD is getting.

NerrSnerr · 30/01/2016 19:01

It really isn't as simple as social services sending someone else. They are hugely overstretched and need to allocate staff with the correct expertise. I have visited lots of houses and the polite thing to do is always have the dog in another room. It's at best distracting but at worst it makes the consultation impossible. It also isn't as easy as you telling them your dog is fine- everyone says that.

BathshebaDarkstone · 30/01/2016 19:03

Could you request another social worker? One who's not scared of dogs?

Nottodaythankyouorever · 30/01/2016 19:04

Could you request another social worker? One who's not scared of dogs?

It really isn't that simple to sway and change so.