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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to shut my dog away?

463 replies

NotthespecialONE · 30/01/2016 14:34

Bit of background - DD has had a bit of a rough time at school lately, one girl has gone out of her way to exclude my daughter from the group of girls she's friends with - generally making my dds life very unpleasant at school.
Also she has found it very hard when a new sibling came along a few months ago, she was very jealous and frustrated and her behaviour deteriorated at home.

On the recommendation of her school we involved SS to get her some help, they put in place a wishes and feelings programme for my dd where they allocated her a worker to see her twice a week, one visit at home and one outside of the home environment - first week of visits started this past week.
Lady called me to arrange a day and time for first home visit and asked if I have a dog, I said yes I do and she said the dog would have to be out of the way while she was round as she got bitten by a dog when she was a child and is petrified of them, while I don't doubt that must of been absolutely horrific for her I'm now in a dilemma cos I have no idea how I'm supposed to shut my dog away and to be honest I don't want to have to shut my dog away.
On the first visit I put my dog with my ds in his bedroom but at times I could hear my dog scratching and whining at the door to get out! He's never been shut away anywhere so it must of been very confusing for him! Second home visit is arranged for this Tuesday, ds has a football match after school so won't be home to have the dog in his bedroom, I don't want to shut my dog away in any room on his own.
I want my dd to continue on the programme as she has really enjoyed the first week and hopefully it's going to really beneficial for her but what am I going to do with my dog on her visits?

OP posts:
Ifiwasabadger · 30/01/2016 19:06

I am an animal lover but Jesus wept, put the dog away.

BathshebaDarkstone · 30/01/2016 19:12

Probably not. I just don't like the idea of the dog being shut away.

diplodocus · 30/01/2016 19:18

I don't get the "this is the dog's home" thing. Occasionally it's not particularly appropriate for me or DH to be in the same room as as meeting or conversation that's going on. Sometimes it's better if my kids go upstairs while I'm having a meeting. Sometimes the dog is shut away with a chew as it's not appropriate for her to be about. It doesn't make it less of our home - we're respecting other people's space, preferences and privacy.

SuburbanRhonda · 30/01/2016 19:26

I just don't like the idea of the dog being shut away.

I expect you'd suck it up, though, if it was the difference between your troubled DD having access to an intensive support service or not.

CocktailQueen · 30/01/2016 19:30

Bloody hell, Bathsheba, really?? Op is bloody lucky to have been allocated a sw twice a week to see her dd. You can't pick and choose, you know! It's not a private service - it is free of charge...

PunkrockerGirl · 30/01/2016 19:37

Could you request another social worker? One who's not scared of dogs?

Are there really people around who think that's how it works? Confused

PosieReturningParker · 30/01/2016 19:38

If you request a different SW people will make assumptions about your priorities.

Twinkie1 · 30/01/2016 19:44

You'll get the message when your SW either doesn't turn up or your kid is admitted to a psych ward all because the poor dog didn't like being shut away for 90 minutes.

I used to work for CAMHS and they are incredibly over stretched. I've seen people begging for the service you've been given. Some I'm sure would haves chucked their dog off of a cliff if it meant getting the help their child needs.

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 19:51

Er I dont have a sw. I havent had to access the services. Im lucky in that respect. However I have a friend who does and as far as im aware( she has two dogs), she doeant have to implement special dog training when the sw does visit.
If I did need input from ss for one of my dcs I would appreciate how stretched they are. Im a health professional myself. However, If one phoned me ahead of our meeting to check about dogs (bizarre) and couldn't relax for fear of dog'escaping' id be worried.
I would not be pandering. Id either tell her sorry, this is the way it is in our house. Or id ask if any possible chance of re allocation.

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 19:54

Thirtynine weeks. What a terrible post. You sound lovely

Nottodaythankyouorever · 30/01/2016 19:56

I would not be pandering.

So pleased your DC health would matter so much to you.

Posters who have/do have sw involvement have said a) the OP DD situation must be extreme for the amount of involvement b) you can't pick and chose who does and doesn't attend.

I have dogs but my DC health comes first!

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 30/01/2016 19:58

My friend shuts her (small and friendly) dog away when the health visitor comes because it's just good manners (and he's an attention seeking little thing that loves distracting plumbers etc)

It's not at all unreasonable to ask for the dog to be shut in a different room. However, if she really can't cope seeing or hearing the dog then tbh I'm not sure how she functions in life! I walk past half s dozen dogs every morning on my way to work (15 mins walk through small town, not fields or anything!)

If that really is the case (not mentioned in the original post Confused) then your best bet is to get someone to take the dog out for s couple of hours, someone it likes so it's a treat for him.

I'm a dog lover, would happily let strangers dogs leap on me, but this person is in your home because you DD needs her help, and even if she is being unreasonable about the dog, you have to suck it up

OttiliaVonBCup · 30/01/2016 19:59

It's not a private service - it is free of charge...

It's not free though, OP does pay her taxes, I presume.

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 20:03

Jesus christ.
If I needed sw help iid be grateful. But I would not expect anyone hp or not to dictate or mither to me. Yes id put my dog in another room with a bone. However if he whined then yes maybe id need more training perhaps but I wiukd not be doing it for the sw case and managing her phobia id be doing it for us.
All this shit about 'fuckingmutt'. Nasty. The dog sounds perfectly fine. Yes he may not be used to being used to being put in room which is not ideal but it doeant detract from the irrational sw.
Hes in another room for gods sake. I know some do, but most dogs dont open frigging doors.

ilovesooty · 30/01/2016 20:04

Did she specifically state that putting the dog in another room would be insufficient and it was necessary that she should neither see nor hear the dog?

Wineandchovolateneededasap · 30/01/2016 20:05

Shut it in the kitchen or garden with a bone/stuffed Kong. It's not like they spend hours visiting Hmm.

exLtEveDallas · 30/01/2016 20:06

Well, I'm very glad that my DD doesn't need this kind of service. Because if the MuttDog was shut away in another room and able to hear that DD and I were still in the house she would howl, claw at the door (until her feet bled), bite the door (possibly breaking teeth), bark and vomit. If I allowed her to work herself into this much of a frenzy she was likely fit, and possibly die.

Whereas if she was led in her bed, in a room with the doors open, she wouldn't leave her bed, would hardly blink an eye and quite frankly the only reason anyone would know she was there would be the slightly noxious emissions occaisonally emanating from her behind.

Whilst I sympathise with a person with a phobia of dogs (and quite frankly, this is an out and out phobia, not a simple fear), I would question her choice of career, knowing that she'd be required to spend time in the service users home and how many people have dogs as pets.

MuttDog could be crated, but not in another room, she'd have to be still with us. So how much use that is to the OP, I don't know.

OP, if you can't have a different provider, I'd go with the extra walks if I were you.

Claraoswald36 · 30/01/2016 20:06

I'm still baffled by this SW or canhs worker or family practitioner or whatever she is. Like I have said this would surprise me in a statutory setting - we have seen it all trust me. However there was a lady I studied with who would have made a fuss like this - the worker not the op.
Also on reflection I've taken o er cases from other teams where the service user has mentioned the previous worker had an issue with the dog it's just not happened recently. I have fc who willingly shit out the most benign dog (collie/beagle though she looked like lurcher to me) I have ever met to humour other workers.

Maryz · 30/01/2016 20:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuburbanRhonda · 30/01/2016 20:10

Just out of interest, dallas, has your dog ever had training? Or do you just work round what sounds like extreme separation anxiety? It would drive me crazy to have to live with such an anxious dog!

Original poster
NotthespecialONE · 30/01/2016 20:10

Jesus Christ some of you are really putting your own twist on this - suppose that's the joy of mumsnet for you Confused

OP posts:
PunkrockerGirl · 30/01/2016 20:12

In my district nursing days, I used to request that A) dogs were shut away and B) patients and relatives didn't smoke in the room where I was treating. Very difficult to dress an infected wound in a 'sterile environment' with the dog licking the wound and the patient encouraging it whilst dropping fag ash onto me, my sterile dressing pack, the dog and the wound Grin
I was not a guest, I was providing a service (fortunately we were always backed up by GP's.) Same situation with OP's social worker.
If any patients were insistent on smoking or having dogs in the room, they were swiftly told that the remainder of their treatment would have to be carried out st the surgery.
Amazing how quickly they complied.

Maryz · 30/01/2016 20:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 30/01/2016 20:14

Most people that come to our house are pleased to meet my lovely Labrador and usually make a big fuss of him. If anyone was frightened of him then of course I'd pop him in his crate. It's really no big deal.

How the hell do you get on when you have to go shopping? Do you work?

I have to say, I was bitten by a dog when I was a kid. I don't automatically assume every dog I meet is going to bite me. It's a very irrational fear and she ought to seek help.

exLtEveDallas · 30/01/2016 20:20

Rhonda, MuttDog is an exceptionally well trained dog. Her separation anxiety is a result of being zipped into a leather sports bag and left to die next to a trading estate bin. We don't know how long she was there, only that she was near death when found. She is absolutely bomb proof as long as she has freedom to roam. She can be left alone in the house for about 2 hours before she starts howling, but if we are there she has to be with us.

She doesn't drive me crazy, I know its not her fault.