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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want to shut my dog away?

463 replies

NotthespecialONE · 30/01/2016 14:34

Bit of background - DD has had a bit of a rough time at school lately, one girl has gone out of her way to exclude my daughter from the group of girls she's friends with - generally making my dds life very unpleasant at school.
Also she has found it very hard when a new sibling came along a few months ago, she was very jealous and frustrated and her behaviour deteriorated at home.

On the recommendation of her school we involved SS to get her some help, they put in place a wishes and feelings programme for my dd where they allocated her a worker to see her twice a week, one visit at home and one outside of the home environment - first week of visits started this past week.
Lady called me to arrange a day and time for first home visit and asked if I have a dog, I said yes I do and she said the dog would have to be out of the way while she was round as she got bitten by a dog when she was a child and is petrified of them, while I don't doubt that must of been absolutely horrific for her I'm now in a dilemma cos I have no idea how I'm supposed to shut my dog away and to be honest I don't want to have to shut my dog away.
On the first visit I put my dog with my ds in his bedroom but at times I could hear my dog scratching and whining at the door to get out! He's never been shut away anywhere so it must of been very confusing for him! Second home visit is arranged for this Tuesday, ds has a football match after school so won't be home to have the dog in his bedroom, I don't want to shut my dog away in any room on his own.
I want my dd to continue on the programme as she has really enjoyed the first week and hopefully it's going to really beneficial for her but what am I going to do with my dog on her visits?

OP posts:
tabulahrasa · 30/01/2016 16:56

"Wonder if she tells some big rough guy to silence his rottweiler. Be lucky if he put it in another room."

Rottweilers aren't particularly vocal and mine damages my doors just from normal use, you'd stop it scratching straight away so you don't have to replace the doors...so she'd probably never need to.

pleasegotowork · 30/01/2016 16:58

OH FGS, I have two dogs who are always in the house but if there's someone who is afraid of dogs visiting the house, the dogs go out no question. People first, dogs second. I love my dogs and they're absolutely part of our family but I don't expect anyone else to feel the same.

Again, people first, dogs second. Dogs need too know that too.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 30/01/2016 16:59

I think the SW should not be entering the houses of people with dogs until she has received adequate treatment and is fit to work with dogs being in the same house (not necessarily room, HOUSE).

I have phobias. I don't expect other people to manage them for me, especially in the context of doing the job I am paid to do. We'll get someone banging on about how being in the same house as a dog violates her human rights next.

Muskateersmummy · 30/01/2016 17:00

It seems to me that both reactions are extreme. The SW clearly has an issue, but she is trying her best to do her job under difficult circumstances. The OP clearly wants to work through the issues for the sake of her daughter.

But as a dog owner I still believe that a dog should be able to be in a separate room from its owners for an hour without whining and scratching. We have a very sensitive collie, and we have worked hard to ensure she can stay downstairs at night for example, by leaving her a radio and a light so she doesn't feel alone. Maybe try this for your dog.

Also I can't see that you have answered the suggestion of getting the dog walking schedule to match that of the SW visits. That to me seems the most obvious and ideal solution for all concerned.

Failing that if you have tried everything and you feel your daughter's help from the SW is being effected then call them and request a change

Strangeoccurence · 30/01/2016 17:01

I would explain to the support worker that you understand her phobia and will do what you can to make sure she is as comfortable as possible whilst in your home. However, you will have to let the dog out for a potty break etc as an hour is a little long and you wouldnt want your dog to get distressed to damage himself or property. You can suggest you close doors so she and the dog dont see each other.
If she is unhappy with this, would she prefer for the meetings to be elsewhere?

Headofthehive55 · 30/01/2016 17:02

I would imagine a dog in the room is distracting anyway, just like a toddler would be or a couple of adults or the television on. Isn't it better for the dog to be out of the situation ( I'd be saying e same for a crying baby )

I sort of agree that she perhaps should think about her job, it's one of the reasons I don't work in the community. Sometimes you can't choose though, or don't realise until it too late.

I dislike dogs In general they smell horrid to me so I don't go to people's houses who have dogs. Grandparents are looking after someone's dog so we just don't visit. They come here instead without dog or we chat on the phone.

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 17:03

Big rough dads then. Not all parents would be anywhere near as accommodating as the OP.

BearsDontDigOnDancing · 30/01/2016 17:03

Th Op is NOT putting her dog before the feelings of the person helping her child.

The SW however, clearly cannot handle her fear, and as much as I have sympathy for her, her FEAR is being put before the child she is there to help. If she asked as many times as the OP said she did about the dog, then she cannot be doing her job effectively. The dog is also a family dog, not just the OP's dog. Her daughter probably loves the dog too, and to have someone come into your house, who is supposed to help you, who is then constantly asking about and worrying about the family dog, the daughter herself cannot have found that a very relaxing and reassuring session.

And to be able to access the help the daughter needs, the OP should not have to pay for a dog walker or anything else being mentioned on this thread. She did what she was asked to do, but then even then that was not enough.

PirateJones · 30/01/2016 17:04

Big rough dads then. Not all parents would be anywhere near as accommodating as the OP

Well that settles it then, as not all parents would be that means the OP shouldn't!

Bloody brilliant logic there.

tabulahrasa · 30/01/2016 17:06

"If she asked as many times as the OP said she did about the dog, then she cannot be doing her job effectively."

But she wouldn't have had to ask if the dog wasn't carrying on like it did.

ShmooBooMoo · 30/01/2016 17:07

Could you ask for another person to come? God help that woman if her fear runs so deep she can't bear to even hear a dog (she needs help). She must see people walking their dogs all the time. Also, there's a fair chance there are some dogs in her neighbourhood (people let them out and they bark!) Also, what if she needs to visit some one with an assistance dog? It's reasonable (for a short time) to ask you to not have the dog around, but totally unreasonable to expect not to be able to hear the dog!

Tallyballyhoo · 30/01/2016 17:07

Change dog for spider and I hope people would be a bit more understanding - I imagine her level of fear is like mine if I knew there was a big hairy spider outside scratching to get in. Really don't think it in any way makes her bad at her job. It just means she experienced a terrible incident as a child!

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 17:08

Mrs jayy id absolutely put my dog before the feelings of a stranger.
A stranger who isnt doing her job-shes more mithered about the fog.
And I am quite literally gobsmacked at all the do gooders here suggesting managing the the sws irrational phobia. Nuts aint the word.

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 17:08

About the dog, not the fog!

Shutthatdoor · 30/01/2016 17:09

Big rough dads then. Not all parents would be anywhere near as accommodating as the OP.

Then they could very well be forfeiting the help their DD gets. However you would probably be ok with that.

ShmooBooMoo · 30/01/2016 17:09

If SW has children or plans on them, she's going to pass that abnormal fear of dogs on, which is a shame given that dogs can be such a wonderful addition to a family. I feel sorry for her but I don't understand why she hasn't got help.

Bubblesinthesummer · 30/01/2016 17:10

Mrs jayy id absolutely put my dog before the feelings of a stranger.

That stranger would be helping your DC. Great to see where your priorities lie.

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 17:12

'The dog wasnt carrying on as it was'
How was it 'carrying on'?
Scratching at the door? Sometimes dogs do that!
How about the sw carrying on as she was? behaving totally unprofessionally. Expecting a client to . constantly reassure her. Get a grip woman is what I say!

Maryz · 30/01/2016 17:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShmooBooMoo · 30/01/2016 17:15

You know, what if the OP could satisfy the SW's demands? There's always the chance next door have a dog that barks and howls and can be heard in OP's home... What then?

tabulahrasa · 30/01/2016 17:16

"Scratching at the door? Sometimes dogs do that!"

No, no they don't.

A dog scratching and whining at a door isn't just part and parcel of owning a dog.

I've never owned a dog that wasn't able to settle elsewhere in the house if I needed it to - including a King Charles spaniel btw, for all the it's the breed people.

It's something you should make sure is in place when you're training a dog because there are all sorts of situations that might mean it's either preferable or safer for the dog to be put in another room for a while.

Nottodaythankyouorever · 30/01/2016 17:16

Get a grip woman is what I say!

Grow up and get in the real world I say.

The type of referral that the OPs daughter has of that intensity is very exceptional. Would you seriously risk your DC wellbeing? Really?

Original poster
NotthespecialONE · 30/01/2016 17:16

Sorry to answer the dog walking question, while it's a good suggestion he already has a routine in place with his dog walker he goes 3 mornings a week with the same dogs tailored to his breed and nature, I'm currently on maternity leave and have put these walks in place specifically with the days and times I'll need for when I go back to work so he is not left on his own for more than a couple of hours, while it may not be the end of the world to change them for a short period I don't know how long my daughter will be working with her worker and if I'm back at work then I'd rather keep the routine in place. No doubt I'm sure I'll be shot down for that decision.
I will buy a crate for him and while that solves the problem of him not being around or 'escaping' I know he will whine to be let out because he will not be used to it, him getting used to the crate will take time and it's something I'm willing to train him to do so it solves any future problems of scared visitors but it's bit going to happen by Tuesday is it as that's when her next visit is???

OP posts:
Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 17:17

Ha funny how pp are twisting my words now. Implying id sacrifice support for a dcfor my dog!
Im.not massively happy with people who ask to put dogs out. Id do it out out of coutesy if a stranger came. Id be a bit miffed if they asked. Id be more than miffed if they expected the dog to be totally removed.

Headofthehive55 · 30/01/2016 17:18

shamoo not always. I dislike dogs and funny enough so do two of my children. However the other two like them. I think it's just something in your make up and not transmitted like an infection.