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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to shut my dog away?

463 replies

NotthespecialONE · 30/01/2016 14:34

Bit of background - DD has had a bit of a rough time at school lately, one girl has gone out of her way to exclude my daughter from the group of girls she's friends with - generally making my dds life very unpleasant at school.
Also she has found it very hard when a new sibling came along a few months ago, she was very jealous and frustrated and her behaviour deteriorated at home.

On the recommendation of her school we involved SS to get her some help, they put in place a wishes and feelings programme for my dd where they allocated her a worker to see her twice a week, one visit at home and one outside of the home environment - first week of visits started this past week.
Lady called me to arrange a day and time for first home visit and asked if I have a dog, I said yes I do and she said the dog would have to be out of the way while she was round as she got bitten by a dog when she was a child and is petrified of them, while I don't doubt that must of been absolutely horrific for her I'm now in a dilemma cos I have no idea how I'm supposed to shut my dog away and to be honest I don't want to have to shut my dog away.
On the first visit I put my dog with my ds in his bedroom but at times I could hear my dog scratching and whining at the door to get out! He's never been shut away anywhere so it must of been very confusing for him! Second home visit is arranged for this Tuesday, ds has a football match after school so won't be home to have the dog in his bedroom, I don't want to shut my dog away in any room on his own.
I want my dd to continue on the programme as she has really enjoyed the first week and hopefully it's going to really beneficial for her but what am I going to do with my dog on her visits?

OP posts:
DancingDinosaur · 30/01/2016 21:12

My gardener is terrified of dogs. I shut my dog away when he visits. Tbh I always shut the dog away if someone is coming to do work in my house, like the sw is with your dd.

PirateJones · 30/01/2016 21:14

Simply put carmen is the human embodiment of the daily mail.

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 21:15

Funnily enough, I woukd kind of expect a sw, a health professional to put her fears aside to help my dd especially if id reassured her the dog was safely tucked in another room. I would not expect to retrain my pet inless he was a problem with my dd

tabulahrasa · 30/01/2016 21:16

" However now she must apparently crate train in in two days so as not to unnerve the sw more?"

Not must, could...huge difference.

Her options are to have the dog out of the house or do something about the dog being unhappy, at the moment, the SW isn't happy and neither is the dog.

Training the dog to be alone without being stressed fixes both those things.

PirateJones · 30/01/2016 21:17

However now she must apparently crate train in in two days so as not to unnerve the sw more?

No this was the option she had chosen, but she could have

  1. rearranged the dog walking days
  2. left the dog at someones house
  3. had her son sit with the dog in a bed room and countless other suggestions.

Sometimes when we require the services of other people, we need to be accommodating.

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 21:18

Im all for putting the dog in another room but this isnt enough for the sw! Im astonished at the number of posters who seem to think just because shes a sw shes in the right to expect op to bend over backwards to accommodate her wuite specific needs.

PirateJones · 30/01/2016 21:19

I would not expect to retrain my pet inless he was a problem with my dd

Good for you. However the OP need to.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 30/01/2016 21:20

Iusedtobe the SW isn't the one posting. The SW isn't here to tell us whether she is seeking help with her phobia (which, while not ideal, is a lot less irrational than a lot of phobias given she is afraid of a type of animal that has actually bitten her in the past and can do an awful lot more harm and cause an awful lot more pain and long term scaring etc. than, say, a spider in the UK... Hmm )

The OP's DD needs this social worker. It is unlikely SS will bend over backwards to allocate her another one because her mum doesn't want to upset her dog. The OP asked people whether she was being unreasonable not to want to shut her dog away. She might not be unreasonable not to want to, but she would be massively unreasonable not to do it.

to be fair to the OP she has accepted that fully - it is not her that is the unreasonable one on this thread, and it is a very good job for her DD that she is not paying much attention to you!

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 21:20

Lol at these responses.
How about sw gets some serious professional hekp herself and doeant need constant reassurance?

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 30/01/2016 21:22

It is a little unreasonable that the OP appears not to have answered all the posters who have asked whether the dog walker she already pays 3 times per week could switch her hours around a bit and walk the dog while the SW visits.

PirateJones · 30/01/2016 21:23

How about sw gets some serious professional hekp herself and doeant need constant reassurance?

We know nothing about the social worker, who she is seeing and what she is doing about her phobia.

Are you suggesting the OP tell the social worker she can't come in until she "Gets help"

How does this translate to advice the OP can use?

PirateJones · 30/01/2016 21:24

When you are in this situation, you can tell whoever you like to piss off and Man up. But this isn't helping the OP who is the one posting.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 30/01/2016 21:24

Iusedtobe the SW is not the one posting. Nobody here knows whether she is seeking help or not. THe OP needs this SW, therefore she would be unreasonable to refuse to remove the sole obstacle to her DD getting help. You seem to have a massive mental block around that fact.

Original poster
NotthespecialONE · 30/01/2016 21:28

Yes thank you for that link tabalahrasa - will have a read through now.
Just one question if anyone can help please? Does the crate have to be kept in the same place at all times through training? If I have to crate train I would rather have the crate in the kitchen, we have a large kitchen so could fit one in easily and our dog would still be near us as our kitchen is next to our living room, I would also feel better with his crate being near us. For this lady's visits I wouldn't be able to have the crate in the kitchen though.

OP posts:
DancingDinosaur · 30/01/2016 21:31

I've met plenty of people who are terrified of dogs. It certainly must be very unpleasant to feel that way. And maybe the sw is trying to solve the problem. But why would anyone want to make another person feel so uncomfortable, just because she has a very real and understandable fear of dogs. Or is it just because she's a social worker, thus she needs to get over it Hmm. My work involves going to other peoples houses. Unless their dog is extremely quiet I ask them to shut them away. Not because I'm afraid of them, but because I don't want dogs yapping or jumping up at me when I'm trying to get on with my job. I have never had anyone complain about it, generally they do it before I need to ask.

DilysPrice · 30/01/2016 21:31

I'm the queen of "take responsibility for yourself and get some fucking therapy" on phobias threads - it's practically a keyboard shortcut. And if the SW was here saying "AIBU to make my clients silence their dogs?" then that's absolutely what I'd say.

But the OP is not in a position to force the SW to have therapy. And even if she was, it's not going to be booked and take effect by next Tuesday. Whether or not the SW should be having CBT (she should of course, but maybe she has and it hasn't worked) is irrelevant to the OP's options which are:

A) decline to cooperate with SW's request, with the risk that she will refuse to come and will be replaced (eventually) with a possibly less suitable alternative who doesn't click with OP's daughter
B) find a way to train dog not to scratch
C) get the dog out of the house for the period

There is no option D) kidnap SW between now and next week and give her behavioural modification therapy involving cuddly Labradors and electric shocks.

Original poster
NotthespecialONE · 30/01/2016 21:31

I have already answered the dog walking question - and to add to my answer about that, the support worker visits at 4.30 till around 6pm the dog walker walks my dog in daylight.

OP posts:
LazyDaysAndTuesdays · 30/01/2016 21:32

How about sw gets some serious professional hekp herself and doeant need constant reassurance?

How about you do what ever you can to get your DC the help they urgently need.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 30/01/2016 21:32

Some serious bullying on this thread. Asking op what her plan of action is

carmen I asked the OP what her plan of action is, having listened to the advice on this thread.

You have accused me of 'serious bullying' as a result. I'm afraid that I don't find that at all acceptable.

Would you like to explain more or withdraw that comment?

DancingDinosaur · 30/01/2016 21:33

I don't keep my dogs crate in the same place al the time, but I do put a blanket over it to make it dark, and the dog settles down very quickly then.

tabulahrasa · 30/01/2016 21:36

"Does the crate have to be kept in the same place at all times through training?"

I'd have it where you need it soonest while you're doing the actual training...but after he's happy in it, no it can be moved.

My dog has a crate, I can take him on holiday and he gets all excited that his crate came too, lol, it's the crate they associate as their space rather than the room.

ProfGrammaticus · 30/01/2016 21:38

Adrift - really?! Thanks for telling me - I had no idea. Apologies to you, OP, I had it wrong.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 30/01/2016 21:38

Ah sorry, just scrolled back to find your answer to the dog walker question - you don't want to change your dog's routine Hmm

This is all a bit weird IMO. People are weird about dogs...

PunkrockerGirl · 30/01/2016 21:39

Iusedtobe
Read my previous post re district nursing.
Same situation.
The sw has a problem, yes, but so does the OP's dd. The sw is visiting the house to provide a service to the dd which will hopefully resolve her problems and prevent future mh issues. At no point has the op suggested that she wants to reject the service or replace the sw which wouldn't happen anyway
How about if you ever need a sw or hp in your house? Perhaps you couldcshow some respect for the professional and some empathy for the person needing help instead of making it all about your's and the fucking dog's feelings? Confused

AcrossthePond55 · 30/01/2016 21:40

Our crate is very 'mobile' and location doesn't seem to matter to our Dachsie. We actually have two crates, a large one that was originally our late Lab's, and a medium size one that's easier to 'pack'. Normally the large one is kept in the dining room (which is semi-open to the living room). But it and the medium one have also been in a friend's bedroom, our caravan, our friend's caravan, a hotel room, and outside. We always take the same bedding and toys.