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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to shut my dog away?

463 replies

NotthespecialONE · 30/01/2016 14:34

Bit of background - DD has had a bit of a rough time at school lately, one girl has gone out of her way to exclude my daughter from the group of girls she's friends with - generally making my dds life very unpleasant at school.
Also she has found it very hard when a new sibling came along a few months ago, she was very jealous and frustrated and her behaviour deteriorated at home.

On the recommendation of her school we involved SS to get her some help, they put in place a wishes and feelings programme for my dd where they allocated her a worker to see her twice a week, one visit at home and one outside of the home environment - first week of visits started this past week.
Lady called me to arrange a day and time for first home visit and asked if I have a dog, I said yes I do and she said the dog would have to be out of the way while she was round as she got bitten by a dog when she was a child and is petrified of them, while I don't doubt that must of been absolutely horrific for her I'm now in a dilemma cos I have no idea how I'm supposed to shut my dog away and to be honest I don't want to have to shut my dog away.
On the first visit I put my dog with my ds in his bedroom but at times I could hear my dog scratching and whining at the door to get out! He's never been shut away anywhere so it must of been very confusing for him! Second home visit is arranged for this Tuesday, ds has a football match after school so won't be home to have the dog in his bedroom, I don't want to shut my dog away in any room on his own.
I want my dd to continue on the programme as she has really enjoyed the first week and hopefully it's going to really beneficial for her but what am I going to do with my dog on her visits?

OP posts:
SuburbanRhonda · 30/01/2016 20:26

Gosh, that makes a huge difference, dallas.

You are amazing to have taken her on, though. I couldn't.

Claraoswald36 · 30/01/2016 20:26

Such different attitudes. My pup is behind the stair gate in the kitchen just now because the kids were eating rice cakes in here and he's a bit in love with rice cakes. He will be asleep upside down in his bed. But to be fair he is not a rescue who had been through trauma I've had him from 10 weeks so I made the rules Sad

dotdotdotmustdash · 30/01/2016 20:38

I would have no problem shutting my dogs away in a bedroom for an hour, even 2, they are left for several hours every day through the week and a pretty well-trained and sociable.

They would be absolutely fine, unless they could hear a stranger in the house. To many dogs this is huge security breach and they would have to bark and whine in frustration at not being allowed to 'check out' the home invader. If I had a weekly visitor who they weren't allowed to meet or become familiar with they would most certainly create if they were restrained. In the same way I would like them to create if an intruder entered the house during the night.

I'm afraid this SW is a problem as well as a blessing. My Dp is a community nurse, he's not desperately keen on large bull-breed dogs and he politely asks for them be put away while he visits. He will still do his job if they don't unless the dogs actually threaten him. Anyone who is visiting homes has to be prepared to be adaptable and work on their anxieties.

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 20:38

Maryz
You issue is with me? Why?
Lets make it clear. If I did need professional help for one of my.dc iid be grateful for the support. Thats providing she was actually supporting us and not leaning on.me for support with her dog phobia

I would not expect anyone to ring me in advance to check about my dog. Thats bizarre. It is.
I would automatically put a dog out unless the visitor said oh no, its ok. I would do it so the dog wasnt a distraction. However, I cant lie, I do find it irritating when adults are petrified of pets. And I.dont warm to people who dont like dogs but thats just me. Most people I like and get on with are similar I suppose.
As I said though, I would put a dog out the room out of courtesy.
If this wasn't enough and she was disturbed by the noise of the dog or worried the dog might escape then I wouldn't be happy.
I would say sorry hes out of the way and cant get in dont worry but thats it. If she still was distracted then I wouod say perhaps it might be best if we rethink the situation.
I would not pay a person to take the dog away (not necessary) and I would not implement special training just for this unusual, well unique situation. I would only retrain the dog if it would be beneficial generally.
Dont see how thats a problem.
Think people are just trying to prove something on this thread.

Original poster
NotthespecialONE · 30/01/2016 20:48

He is fine when left alone with no one in the house for a few hours, I leave the TV on and he has his toys. It's when he knows someone is in the house and he's being shut away from us that would upset him and cause him to whine, but we've never had to do that as we've never been in a situation where we have to completely shut him away out of sight (and sound for this lady). He is particularly clingy with me, not in a way where is literally sitting on my lap 24/7 but he mostly likes me in his eyesight. It's not a case of just putting him in the kitchen or garden as the worker needs access to these areas. The only place I could put him is in my bedroom, which I've said I will buy a crate for and put him there for this lady's visits. I'm stumped as to how I'm going to stop him whining because he will.

OP posts:
tabulahrasa · 30/01/2016 20:49

"I would not implement special training just for this unusual, well unique situation."

Or to shut it out of the way for a children's party, or while carpet fitters are in, or building work is being done, while you repaint your front door or have double glazing fitted.

Yep it's a completely unique situation, having to confine a dog elsewhere in the house...

It's not special training, it should be something you train anyway.

ouryve · 30/01/2016 20:50

So your dog matters more than your DD?

YABU.

tabulahrasa · 30/01/2016 20:52

"I'm stumped as to how I'm going to stop him whining because he will."

You crate train him if you're crating him.

ouryve · 30/01/2016 20:52

And yes, you need to get your dog used to be shut out of the way.

Maryz · 30/01/2016 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
NotthespecialONE · 30/01/2016 20:52

Bloody hell ouryve this is wearing a bit thin now! Where have I implied my dog matters more than my Dd?

OP posts:
Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 20:53

Yes tabulah I put my dog out for those situations. And I said I would put her out for the sw. However, in this acse its not enough. The sw doesn't want to hear the dog. I couldnt promise id do that. I think putting the dog in another room is respectful enough

Original poster
NotthespecialONE · 30/01/2016 20:54

I will start crate training him tabulahrasa but these things take time, her next visit is on Tuesday I'm not sure my dog will be fully crate trained by then.

OP posts:
tabulahrasa · 30/01/2016 20:57

Carmen - she doesn't want to hear the dog because it was scratching and whining at the door the whole time, not because it was doing normal things like breathing, occasionally walking about in the bedroom or licking a kong, she won't be able to hear it if the OP spends the next few days training it to settle in the crate she says she's getting.

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 20:59

I know how thin on the ground sw are. I have said that
I just think this sw is being very very unreasonable expecting to be constantly reassred the dog is locked out of the way.
The op has put the dog out the way but now posters are suggesing putting the dog in a crate, getting a walker, taking it someone's house.
I wouldn't be prepared ti do that just to reassure the sw.

tabulahrasa · 30/01/2016 21:00

"I will start crate training him tabulahrasa but these things take time"

With a dog that has no huge issues it should be totally do-able by Tuesday, there are plenty of guides to doing it in a weekend, in fact I posted one earlier.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 30/01/2016 21:00

Having read all this, what's your plan of action, OP?

Has your daughter been kept clear from all this dog-related drama? I'm sure she's got quite enough to contend with. I doubt it would help her to feel responsible for this 'dilemma.'

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 21:01

So tabulah, you really think the op should crate train her dog specifically for the sw benefit?
Even if she does not think it would be beneficial generally? And presumably she doesn't as the dog seems to be settled as it is within the family.

SuburbanRhonda · 30/01/2016 21:03

So what do you plan to do, OP?

The support worker is coming in four days, you don't want to change its timetable for walks Hmm so that it's out of the house when the worker comes (the best solution, in my book) and it's not yet well trained enough to behave when shut in a room.

You need to know what you're going to do.

SuburbanRhonda · 30/01/2016 21:06

I wouldn't be prepared ti do that just to reassure the sw.

Obviously, it's not just to reassure the SW. It's to ensure the OP's DD is able to get the best support she can.

So what's your solution, carmen? You've told everyone on here what you would refuse to do, but how would you help the OP resolve the situation, assuming that's what you came on here to do?

tabulahrasa · 30/01/2016 21:07

"So tabulah, you really think the op should crate train her dog specifically for the sw benefit?"

No, I'd have just gone for training it to settle in the bedroom...it was the OP that decided on a crate.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 30/01/2016 21:08

What is wrong with you Iusedtobecarmen ? It is not "specifically for the sw benefit", it is for her DD's benefit, because she needs the social worker, and if the social worker is afraid of the dog scratching at the door and whining for the entire appointment she may decline to come, or not be able to be fully focussed on the OP's poor DD.

In all honesty if the SW had an irrational fear of the colour orange any decent parent would accommodate it to get their child help - dogs bring out the astonishingly irrational in some people, and I don't only mean the SW... Hmm

PirateJones · 30/01/2016 21:10

Iusedtobecarmen has made it clear she would get rid of the "total Nut" SW.

Which of course isn't a solution to the problem and displays that she clearly has a residence in some magical place that isn't real life.

DontCareHowIWantItNow · 30/01/2016 21:10

The op has put the dog out the way but now posters are suggesing putting the dog in a crate, getting a walker, taking it someone's house.
I wouldn't be prepared ti do that just to reassure the sw.

So you'd therefore turndown the help for your DC. WOW!

Iusedtobecarmen · 30/01/2016 21:11

Omg
Some serious bullying on this thread. Asking op what her plan of action is! I would want to know what sw plan of action is on entering a house where a dog is present? Certainly not quiz the owner every five minutes.

This thread is truly crazy.
What has the op done wrong ? She has a dog that is not used to being locked in a room when family are in the house. Shes doing anyway . However now she must apparently crate train in in two days so as not to unnerve the sw more?