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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That if you're a dad in a family of 4 and you make yourself breakfast

83 replies

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 30/01/2016 07:50

then you should make it for the rest of the family too? Especially on a weekend, when everyone up.

I got up with kids at 7, switched telly on, made them a cup of milk and a brew for me and dh, which I took to him in bed.
I sat down, fiving myself time to drink my tea and wake up before I make kids breakfast.
Dh gets up, comes and sits next to me with marmite on toast and asks me to look for train times on my phone.
I ask him where my toast is? He gets arsy and asks me why the kids haven't had breakfast yet, as apparently, according to him they should have it as soon as they wake up. Yeah fair enough on a weeksay but it's 7:15 on a saturday and we have no plans this morning!
I got arsy and said he could have done it when he made his toast, he told me to f@#k off so I told him to find his own traintimes and left him to go make porridge for the kids.

Was he an arse for just making toast for himself?

OP posts:
Original poster
ShamefulPlaceMarker · 30/01/2016 07:50

Fiving = giving

OP posts:
Thattimeofyearagain · 30/01/2016 07:52

Yes.

araiba · 30/01/2016 07:52

you both sound twats

jeebus, why are you both so aggressive over a trivial thing?

ShortcutButton · 30/01/2016 07:52

I vote, yes he was/is an arse for making selfish toast, definitely

LavenderDoll · 30/01/2016 07:53

Yes he was an arse

sandgrown · 30/01/2016 07:53

Yes! He could have asked the kids what they want

Bearsinmotion · 30/01/2016 07:54

Was he an arse for just making toast for himself?. No, he might not have known you and the kids haven't eaten.

He was an arse saying the kids should have had breakfast, and he was very much an arse telling you to fuck off, especially if it was in front of the DC. Angry

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 30/01/2016 07:54

Yes he's a selfish arse and rude to boot. I assume that by ordering asking you to look up train times, he a/ has no fingers to do it himself, and b/ will be going somewhere on a train without you and the kids today?

wannabestressfree · 30/01/2016 07:54

To be honest If no one has plans I can't see what it matters...

Starbores · 30/01/2016 07:54

Yanbu, I don't see that you were aggressive. You made the tea, if he was making toast he should have asked if anyone else wanted some.

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 30/01/2016 07:56

Yes. He WBU. I set out DC's breakfast during the week (they're teens now). DH makes egg on toast for those that want it at the weekend. All's fair.

3sleepingchildren · 30/01/2016 07:57

Oh, this kind of thing drives me mad.

My H does the same, regularly. It is because in his head the dc are solely my responsibility, not his.

It took an almighty row in a counselling session for him to agree to get up and have responsibility for (his own) children once a week, so I now technically get a lie in/that me off being fully responsible once a week.

You note I say technically. Saturday is my day for this. Yet I am up - I have already helped dd1 in the toilet (she is disabled), and have gone to answer the door for the postie. I have referreed in a couple of spats between the dc(because they are up, fractious and hungry) and answered dd2's (repeated) queries as to when they might be getting up.

It's not even as if I get a decent lie in - I need to be up and fully functioning by 8.30 as dd2 has ballet this morning - but just want one morning off all the general petty crap that goEs with getting 3 children up and dressed each morning. Fat chance.

Sorry, back to you.

YANBU and your dh is being a total arse.

vestandknickers · 30/01/2016 07:58

You sound quite cross. It's only toast. How old are the children? Can they not make their own toast?

Princecharlesfirstwife · 30/01/2016 08:00

How old are your DC? Tbh, mine were getting their own breakfast from as soon as they could open a packet of cereal. I'm quite lazy though.

HermioneJeanGranger · 30/01/2016 08:01

He probably assumed you'd all eaten?

lighteningirl · 30/01/2016 08:02

Yanbu he's a selfish arse

Original poster
ShamefulPlaceMarker · 30/01/2016 08:02

I wasn't aggressive, I just asked where mine was as a response to him asking me to check traintimes.
I did wonder whether he thought that I'd already done the kids breakfast, but we'd only been up 15mins before him, so he could have atleast checked.
He's taking ds on the train with him.
Dc are 2 & 6

OP posts:
SevenOfNineTrue · 30/01/2016 08:03

He probably assumed you'd all eaten?

Could be, but wouldn't you have expected him to check? Sounds like he wanted to be a lazy arse and only make breakfast for himself.

PennyHasNoSurname · 30/01/2016 08:04

Why are you both up at seven on a weekend?

RidersOnTheStorm · 30/01/2016 08:05

In our house first up got breakfast for the kids. Adults saw to themselves.

lighteningirl · 30/01/2016 08:06

It's not about the toast, it's about the fact he thinks it's your job on a Sat morning to make the kids breakfast I also ent care if you were aggressive he was a selfish arise

Seeyounearertime · 30/01/2016 08:06

This happens frequently in our house. the GF makes herself toast, nothing for anyone else.

It's usually because shes just got up, is still "blurry"
Sometimes she assumes that if i've been up for a while before her that if i wanted toast i'd have gotten toast.

But, TBF, if i ask her for toast when she takes her plate back she'll put some in for me.

Cat2014 · 30/01/2016 08:11

My dh would never offer to make me breakfast unless it's something like a fry up - toast and cereal etc we just get our own! He will sort ds out though.

junebirthdaygirl · 30/01/2016 08:16

Sounds like if you hadn't mentioned the toast ye would be off to a far better start to this day. All you had to do was ask. Expecting someone to read your mind and getting cranky when they don't is just bringing in strife when there is no need.

Notso · 30/01/2016 08:16

The one who gets up with the kids at the weekend makes the brews and kids breakfast.