That if you're a dad in a family of 4 and you make yourself breakfast

[ShamefulPlaceMarker]

then you should make it for the rest of the family too? Especially on a weekend, when everyone up.

I got up with kids at 7, switched telly on, made them a cup of milk and a brew for me and dh, which I took to him in bed.
I sat down, fiving myself time to drink my tea and wake up before I make kids breakfast.
Dh gets up, comes and sits next to me with marmite on toast and asks me to look for train times on my phone.
I ask him where my toast is? He gets arsy and asks me why the kids haven't had breakfast yet, as apparently, according to him they should have it as soon as they wake up. Yeah fair enough on a weeksay but it's 7:15 on a saturday and we have no plans this morning!
I got arsy and said he could have done it when he made his toast, he told me to f@#k off so I told him to find his own traintimes and left him to go make porridge for the kids.

Was he an arse for just making toast for himself?

[GinSolvesEverything]

YABothU for being up at 7.15 on a weekday.

Aside from that, first up feeds the kids. Adults fend for themselves unless it's a special family breakfast.

[GinSolvesEverything]

Weekday? Weekend. FFS

[AyeAmarok]

Yes he's a selfish arse who thinks the children are your responsibility.

[BasinHaircut]

I would have expected my DH to ask if DS had eaten yet if he was making himself some breakfast. But the other adult would normally just sort themselves out when they felt like eating something.

However, we do sort of have an unspoken arrangement that whoever gets up with DS sorts him out so in your scenario DH might also have assumed that I was on it.

Not something I can imagine getting worked up about TBH

[redskirt3]

Don't make him a cup of tea until he gets his act together

[ToucheShay]

Your problem is you have 3 DCs, not 2 and a DH.

Your DH needs constant verbal instruction too, just like children do. It is infuriating.

However, you must have heard him making the toast, so you knew you wouldnt get any but waited to confirm this, rather than shouting 'put some in for us too'. (BTW thats what I would do too so Im just as bad .)

If it helps, my DH has improved with age and as the DCs have become more independent lazy and will find anyone to do stuff for them rather than do it themselves.

[Dreamonastar]

Not for toast, no, as I wouldn't assume everyone wanted what I was having unless I was making something special.

[mathanxiety]

YANBU

Thing is, the OP had brought her DH a cup of tea in bed already. And he then (1) asked her to look up train timetables and (2) indicated that he thought feeding the children was her job and that he was entitled to not only get up later than her but then tend only to his own needs. He should have asked what the breakfast situation was, given that he had received a cup of tea in bed. This was all take, take take on his part.

He didn't ask for his coffee in bed but he got it anyway and that was a nice thing of the OP to do. You shouldn't have to ask someone else to look after his own family. He should have asked what needed doing.

Lack of courtesy or human kindness can be very corrosive, especially when one person does kind things and the other acts as if it is all part of his entitlement and then adds more entitlement to what he has already exhibited.

Wrt 'first up makes the breakfast'. Question is, who is always first up?

If this is the OP fifty two weekends per year and DH always gets a little extra time in bed, then that is not fair.

Maybe first up takes care of the children while second up makes breakfast? Or each person makes breakfast for everyone else one weekend day so each person also gets a lie in?

[Ditsy4]

Poor kids!

[KaraokeQueenOfTheNorth]

We kinda all sort ourselves out here at weekends, or ask for help, so it wouldn't strike me as odd or selfish behaviour if my DH did that at all. If I saw him making toast I might say "Ooh chuck some in for me" but I wouldn't expect him to make me breakfast. If the kids are hungry they get their own or they can ask me/DH to make them something.

But every household works differently.

[mathanxiety]

*coffee = tea

[Fratelli]

Are you both teenagers?

[BasinHaircut]

Agree with math it's probably part of a bigger picture where OP is always the default parent.

In our house DH and I get one lie in at the weekend each. We also take it in turns to get up in the week if DS gets up before 6:30.

[Fairylea]

I'd be more annoyed at being asked to check train times than whether he asked everyone if they wanted toast or not. Surely he can check his own train times!?

[pilates]

YANBU

You made him tea, it wouldn't have taken much for him to ask if the children/you needed breakfast whilst doing his.

He does sound selfish. He obviously couldn't be bothered and presumed you would do it.

[ShamefulPlaceMarker]

I think you're right junebirthday

[TheWoodenSpoonOfMischief]

I think if someone's making toast and they know no one has had breakfast, then it would be the decent thing to make some for everyone or at least ask if anyone wants some.

Op you could have asked him to make some for everyone. That 'where's mine?' Kind of statement always gets people's backs up.

[Humble314]

Id be annoyed too.
Not only does he see gets the kids breakfastvas your job but he feels no awkwardness telling you to 'do your job'
He is very entitled to wife work.

[ShamefulPlaceMarker]

fairylea i think that is where my annoyance came from and what prompted me to ask where my toast was. The fact thay he'd sat down with some and asked me to do something for him.

Ds works away, 3 weeks on 3 weeks off so when he's here we both get up during the week with the kids.
On the weekend neither of us are very good at staying in bed past 8am, so we're both usually up and whoever is in the kitchen 1st usually makes breakfast for all.
I think he was just having a selfish morning, or assumed I'd be doing it as I was up a whole 15mims before him.

[ShamefulPlaceMarker]

ditsy why poor kids? Should they be fending for themselves or something?

[TychosNose]

YANBU

I disagree with junebirthday
How hard is it for op's dh to ask if anyone else would like toast? That would have been a much nicer start to the day. Women are constantly expected to put up with the thin end of the wedge just to "keep the peace"

[TheWoodenSpoonOfMischief]

Mathanxiety I agree with your post. You put it so well.
There are so many posters on mumsnet with unkind and thoughtless partners. It's really sad.

[ShamefulPlaceMarker]

thewoodenspoon. I knew he was making toast, so I assumed he was making for all (or atleast me) so didn't ask, as never usually have to

[maryann1975]

He should have popped his head round the door and checked everyone had breakfast before doing his own. He sounds very rude and lazy. Why can he not check his own train times?
I am wondering why you are both up so early on the weekend when there is nothing planned though.

[Abbinob]

He's an arae for asking why they haven't had breakfast yet, surely. "Have the kids had breakfast? No? OK I'll get them something." Is what non dickish people would say.
He's not an arse for not making it straight away though, he might have assumed they'd had some already