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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

That if you're a dad in a family of 4 and you make yourself breakfast

83 replies

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 30/01/2016 07:50

then you should make it for the rest of the family too? Especially on a weekend, when everyone up.

I got up with kids at 7, switched telly on, made them a cup of milk and a brew for me and dh, which I took to him in bed.
I sat down, fiving myself time to drink my tea and wake up before I make kids breakfast.
Dh gets up, comes and sits next to me with marmite on toast and asks me to look for train times on my phone.
I ask him where my toast is? He gets arsy and asks me why the kids haven't had breakfast yet, as apparently, according to him they should have it as soon as they wake up. Yeah fair enough on a weeksay but it's 7:15 on a saturday and we have no plans this morning!
I got arsy and said he could have done it when he made his toast, he told me to f@#k off so I told him to find his own traintimes and left him to go make porridge for the kids.

Was he an arse for just making toast for himself?

OP posts:

maryann1975 · 30/01/2016 08:54

I assume ditsy refers to poor kids because it sounds like they just heard their father tell you to F off. That's not really very nice.

Humble314 · 30/01/2016 09:04

My kids sometimes throw the bread in the toaster sometimes they ask for porridge, but if i were married it'd push my buttons if an h assumed i wasnt doing my job! And got cross with me over it too!!

There needs to be a division of lavour chat

CalleighDoodle · 30/01/2016 09:05

For you to react so angrily over toast i imagine this is a small example of general thoughtless behaviour.

For him to react by telling you to fuck off, about toast, confirms he is generally an arse.

Maybe have a think about what thenspecific issues are and then speak to him about them.

SoporificHobnob · 30/01/2016 09:13

Neither of you sound that great TBH.
As for breakfast, the 6 year old is surely capable of getting a bowl and adding cereal and milk?

nutellacrumpet · 30/01/2016 09:23

You both sound like children! You have kids fgs... maybe you should set a better example. Your kids will pick up on your bad attitudes and mimic it.

Original poster

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 30/01/2016 09:24

He didn't swear if front if dc.
Thanks soporific we don't eat cereal so there's none in the house for him to make. Anyway, this isn't about what my 6yr old can and cannot do.

OP posts:

Original poster

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 30/01/2016 09:25

Thanks nutella

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Original poster

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 30/01/2016 09:26

Thanks nutella I'm sorry we can't be as perfect as I guess you are. Never had a grumble im front of the kids?

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peggyundercrackers · 30/01/2016 09:31

You kind of contradict yourself, he says they should have breakfast when they get up but then you say it's only 07:15 and you have nothing to do which suggests it's early for a weekend to be up and about and having breakfast but then moan at him because he hasn't made it...

No he wasn't unreasonable at that time of the day to not have made toast for everyone.

Original poster

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 30/01/2016 09:35

peggy I was moaning more because he hadn't made any for me. The kids weren't bothered as they were watching the telly.

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Original poster

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 30/01/2016 09:36

My plan was to have a brew to wake up and then make the kids breakfast and toast for me and dh, but I hadn't finished my tea yet

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Artandco · 30/01/2016 09:39

He sounds an Arse.

But you all sound like you get up super early for a weekend if not rushing off anywhere and hence all tired still.
Can you not all stay in bed longer drinking coffee together and chatting, and kids milk with them looking at books or something quiet in bedroom if awake ( can all be in your room together). Then all head down together to make breakfast and eat together later once you have all woken properly

Muskateersmummy · 30/01/2016 09:48

I think this is a lack of communication on all fronts. You say the first in the kitchen makes breakfast for all. You took him a cup of tea, to me that would tell me you had already been in the kitchen and therefore everyone has had breakfast, so I too would have just made me own. "Where's mine?" Would have go my hackles up too tbh.

He could have checked first, yes. And you could have said "oh could you make us all some, I haven't got round to it yet?" When you saw he has some.

For me, this is a daft argument, caused by expecting him to have mind read your plan and him not thinking to check. Apologise to each other and get on with the weekend.

Original poster

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 30/01/2016 09:49

art&co we do that alot during the week, before getting up for school.
The kid's don't watch telly during the week, so in a saturday they're keen to go in to the lounge and watch telly/play.
Ds and dh have gone out on their bikes now, so early breakfast usually kick starts us for an active day.

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TychosNose · 30/01/2016 09:49

Wow some pp must have amazing kids if they can have a lie in at the weekend with a 6 and 2 yr old! I have a 5 and 2 yr old and when they wake up we're all up.

In fact I don't know anyone whose small children are that independent. Are pp really suggesting that a 2 yr old can be left unsupervised whilst the parents have a lie in? Or a 2 yr old will quietly sit reading books for an hour? Are my kids really delayed?

LagunaBubbles · 30/01/2016 09:54

Does he normally tell you to fuck of, that's horrible! He could have asked you if you wanted any toast but I would be more annoyed that he seems to see feeding his own children as your job, not his.

dementedpixie · 30/01/2016 09:57

Dh is in charge of breakfast at weekends as he makes rolls with sausage, egg or bacon. He should have asked if you had all eaten first before sorting himself out

Original poster

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 30/01/2016 10:10

tychos I was wondering about the lie in thing. Even when dh gets up with kids, usually the 2yr old will come find me after 20mins!

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Artandco · 30/01/2016 10:15

Tycho - mine have always slept in later but they have a later bedtime than most we know.
Last night we went out for dinner so home around 10pm, they both slept until 9am roughly today. Now ds1 is reading where's wally between Dh and I in bed, d2 is laying on cushions on the floor with an etch-sketch. We will all head into living area soon and make breakfast and they can play with toys in there.

It's always been that way at the weekend so I suppose they are used to the slow Saturday starts. Mon-Friday it's a frantic up, eat and run to school ( nursery recently) and work so it's a relaxing recharge.

Viviennemary · 30/01/2016 10:30

Everyone should get their own breakfast unless you have a system of taking turns. But nobody should do it all the time. If I wanted toast I'd ask for it.

BalloonSlayer · 30/01/2016 10:37

I get the DCs breakfast as soon as I can. If I was the second adult up I would assume that the first adult up had done this, I would be grateful for the lie in (of course the other adult would get a reciprocal lie in on another day) but would just sort myself breakfast and be utterly bemused and cross to be told that I should have made breakfast for the entire family by the other adult who has been up for some time.

dementedpixie · 30/01/2016 10:50

artandco that doesn't always work. My two were in bed late last night but ds (9y) was still up by 7.30am. He does go downstairs by himself and plug himself in to an electrical device so doesn't disturb us. We got out of bed an hour later. Dd (12y) didn't get up until 10.30 am as she is on teen time!

Dh made breakfast at 9ish for 3 of us but did make square sausage for Dd that she will reheat in the microwave so she can have a roll and sausage too.

Original poster

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 30/01/2016 10:55

balloon I was up only 15mimutes longer than him.

Yes, this is a silly argument. We don't have any set rules in our house when it comes to it, and we have a good family relationship going on.

Very silly argument over nothihg, in which we were both being mildly U

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Chewbecca · 30/01/2016 11:04

We all sort our own breakfast in this house.

In early days of our marriage, DH seemed to think we might make each other breakfast but I do every other bloomin' meal so I absolutely didn't want to make breakfast for everyone my responsibility too. On the rare occasion he's made me toast (mother's day for e.g.) is it really not done right (ungrateful I know but I don't like cold toast with a smear of butter in the middle only & I like to eat my cereal before it is gone totally soggy) & I don't overly enjoy it anyway. I think he does it deliberately so he isn't asked again.

Head toward breakfast being a help yourself meal is my advice.

MrsAmaretto · 30/01/2016 11:09

Does he work offshore with that pattern?

You maybe need to sit down and discuss about both of you getting a rest on his 3weeks at home.

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