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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not send my son to church?

136 replies

Stephieee · 29/01/2016 23:36

I have another thread going too, sorry - I just need lots of advice!

So, DH and his family is religious (especially MIL) and they have always nagged me to get DS baptised and bring him to church...

Bit of a back story... I'm baptised and have a lovely church, where I grew up - my mum and dad were married there, my dad and grandad is buried there and my siblings and I were baptised there - I never went to church there... I would have died to have got married there!!! However, I went along with DH and got married in 'his' church... I wanted DS baptised and said it should be at 'my' church, so DH agreed, but MIL hated me from that point. However, I did refuse to bring DS to church, unless it was at 'my' church (I feel closer to my dad, but I'm not religious) and DH said no way, so I didn't want to bring him... I said we should wait until he is older, so he can decide on his religion. DH goes to church with his mum and wanted DS to go to a religious school - I went to a religious Primary School and they really drummed the religious aspects into you and I don't particularly like that, so in all fairness DH said okay, AIBU to not send DS to church (he's 5)?

OP posts:
GiddyOnZackHunt · 30/01/2016 00:18

So. You don't believe but you and your vicar are happy to do ritual without meaning? And you get to decide this over DH and his family for whom the ritual has meaning?

Original poster
Stephieee · 30/01/2016 00:18

My mum has asked to take DS to that church before any of our kids were born...

OP posts:
Original poster
Stephieee · 30/01/2016 00:19

No, I don't take him to church ffs

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theycallmemellojello · 30/01/2016 00:21

This makes no sense to me. Are you arguing for no church or your church? If the former, then the latter has nothing to do with anything. I don't think ds can really know what he wants re church without attending for a bit. He's not making an informed decision as it stands.

ollieplimsoles · 30/01/2016 00:25

Why is your mil nebbing in on what school your child should go to?

Tell your dh to stop being such a mummys boy and leave your ds out of this circus.

BackforGood · 30/01/2016 00:27

Not sure why you are "ffs" ing - your posts are really unclear.

Can you tell us if you object to him going to any church or not?

It's just to start off with you were talking about going to "your" Church. Confused

Original poster
Stephieee · 30/01/2016 00:29

I apologise for the 'ffs' - I don't object him going to church, but I have a major dislike for MIL, she treats me like shit and I have in about getting married there, for MIL and not my mum, I would love to have got married at 'my' church because my dad is there and could walk me down the isle and that's why I meant about being close, etc. I am saying 'my' to make it easier for you to see which church I'm on about :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Stephieee · 30/01/2016 00:30

*couldnt walk me down the isle

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 30/01/2016 00:33

Why could your dad only walk you down the aisle at 'your' church and not the other one?

GiddyOnZackHunt · 30/01/2016 00:35

Why couldn't your dad walk you down the aisle?
This makes no sense, I'm sorry but it's all my church, my son, his church.

AcrossthePond55 · 30/01/2016 00:36

Is there any doctrinal difference between the two churches? Say for instance one is Catholic and the other is Mormon? Because if there isn't (think Methodist and Presbyterian) AND you want your child to have a religious upbringing why can't you alternate churches? Mum takes him to 'your' church one Sunday, his father takes him to 'his' the other?

From your posts I can't tell if you just object to children being brought up in any religion, or if you object to your husband's.

Stripyhoglets · 30/01/2016 00:36

If you don't believe and your DH does, then DH should be the one to take him to church. My DH doesn't believe but I'd not be impressed if he'd stopped me taking the kids when they wanted to go.

Original poster
Stephieee · 30/01/2016 00:37

My dad has passed away and is buried at the church I wanted... But I married at the church DH MIL wanted

OP posts:
crazycatguy · 30/01/2016 00:38

My parents never took me to church. Ever. Mum sometimes went but on her own. They allowed me to find my own way when it came to any form of belief and that came several years later.

I'd leave him be. When he's older he can make an informed choice. You'd not run out and enrol him in the political party you voted for last year, eh?

AcrossthePond55 · 30/01/2016 00:38

Missed your post. OK you don't object to the religion, just your MiL. In that case you're being a bit U. His father has a right to introduce him to his faith, the same as you have the right to introduce him to yours.

Original poster
Stephieee · 30/01/2016 00:39

AcrossthePond that's a great idea about alternative weekends :)

OP posts:
GiddyOnZackHunt · 30/01/2016 00:40

So do you actually believe in God and Heaven? Yes or no?

Original poster
Stephieee · 30/01/2016 00:40

That's what I wanted to do!!! Wait until he could make up his own choice

OP posts:
Original poster
Stephieee · 30/01/2016 00:41

No, I do not, I believe in spirits though

OP posts:
MintyBojingles · 30/01/2016 00:43

Sorry, so you want DS to go to "your" church with your mother so you can feel closer to your dad, rather than DS go to "his" church and actually spend time with his dad?

YABVU if so. Your DH is his parent too, and is allowed a say in how his son is raised. I'd understand more if you were anti church altogether, but you don't seem to be.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 30/01/2016 00:43

If you don't believe then I cannot see why you'd be awkward about this. Let MIL take him to church once a month. Go visit your dad's grave.
Why make a fuss over this?

BrokenVag · 30/01/2016 00:43

That's what I wanted to do!!! Wait until he could make up his own choice

Why the fuck did you have him baptised then?!

Could you repost when you've had a bit less sherry? You make very little sense!

Original poster
Stephieee · 30/01/2016 00:45

I am baptised and never went to church...? I'm being awkward because my MIL is a bitch and I'm pissed off about the marriage

OP posts:
Original poster
Stephieee · 30/01/2016 00:46

MIL has wanted DH to leave me and try and get custody ever since I said I wanted to be married at the church my dad is at and its a piss take, I want my son to spend as little time as possible

OP posts:
Original poster
Stephieee · 30/01/2016 00:46

I don't drink.

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